Outsmarted by a Bird Brain

Who’s smarter, a sparrow or me? Obviously a sparrow. Who’s smarter, mourning doves or me? No trick questions, it’s the mourning doves. Who’s smarter, hummingbirds or me? Again, I come out on the short end of the stick. I could keep this quiz up for a half dozen more species, but the answers are allĀ the same.

Did the Federal government fund this study? It is obviously important. If birds are smarter than a guy with a doctorate, the defense department may consider them to pilot jets or guide drones. Imagine a pigeon doing clandestine work for the CIA. You can’t? Think of a grackle sitting at the IRS reviewing taxes. Costs go way down. Think of a blue jay heading up border security. We won’t need a wall. What about hummingbirds carrying encrypted messages in their long bills. WikiLeaks is finished. The possibilities are endless.

Do I hear a question: “Ray, what did you have to drink before you wrote this blog?”

I confessĀ I added freshly squeezed lemon juice to my filtered water. Maybe it was almonds I put on my salad. Or, the flaxseeds I added to my Greek yogurt. There has to be a simple explanation for my birdbrain rationalization.

Here is my reasoning why birds are more intelligent than me.

  1. I buy them food.
  2. I put the food in four different bird feeders if you count the hummingbird feeder as one of the feeders.
  3. I make sure they have enough food to eat every day.
  4. I’m thinking of having an app designed so they can order ahead and pick up their seed at the to-go window.

What do I get out this arrangement? They wake me up at 5:30 a.m. It doesn’t matter if I want to sleep a bit longer. They turn up the volume letting the entire neighborhood know it’s breakfast. Perhaps I’ve discovered a reason my neighbors are adopting cats from the shelter.

I watch the birds fly in and out of the feeders (I really, really, really need to reexamine the direction of my life). They invite their friends to the feeding fiesta. Now I know how workers at an all night burger joint feel.

As foolish as it sounds, I like feeding the birds. I am grateful for their visits. I get much more out of their company than I give to them. I can’t help myself, I am a nature lover and believe every species is sacred.

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