I Will Never Understand Your Species

“Ray, I’ve come up with a great idea for your blog today.”

“This ought to be good, La Flor*.  Last time you suggested a blog topic, you wanted me to write about the health benefits of wearing Christian Louboutin high heels. All I could think about were the impending lawsuits.”

“Start thinking about an attitude shift, Ray. Your blogs need to be edgy. They’re not. Your blogs should be groundbreaking. They’re not. Your blogs need to focus on the alt ego market share. They don’t.”

“Thanks for the blog critique, La Flor. The alt ego market is virtually untapped.”

“Now you’re thinking.”

“Okay, La Flor, I’m game, what is your idea for today’s blog?”

“La Flor, PI is on duty 24/7.”

“I get that. That’s your idea?”

“No, that is not my idea. But, because I am on duty 24/7 I found the dirt on your species that is going to make you World famous.”

“I have no desire to be world-famous.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“If we keep going, I’ll have my blog. You have dirt on my species that no one knows about? Do you know what you’re talking about?”

“Ellen and Oprah will be all over it. Movies will be on Oxygen. You’ll need an agent. I have an alt ego friend who’ll do me a fav and take you on”


“You’ve got to start thinking and talking Hollywood, Ray.”

“Okay, I’ll think Hollywood, if it will help us get to the end.”

“When we went to the Y today to work out, I discovered something about your species that no one knows now but me.”

“Are you sure This is going to be new and groundbreaking?”

“I made videos with my iPhone to show on E!”

“I didn’t buy you an iPhone, where did you get it?”

“One of my friends at another blog understands how tight you are with money. She had her creator write me in a blog and give me an iPhone.”

“Wait a minute, you were written in the blog without my permission.”

“No, they had your permission, I signed your name to the permission slip.”

“You forged my name, then took photos of my species. I hope you didn’t go into the locker room.”

“What kind of beautiful, tough, and edgy private investigator do you think I am?”

“I plead the 5th Amendment.”

“I didn’t go in the men’s locker room. But, I did observe eight of your species for 20 minutes. And, when I give you this information it’s strictly on the QT.”

“I can hardly wait,” I said, trying to keep myself from dozing off.

“All eight of the members of your species were lifting weights.”

“That’s not unusual at the Y. I don’t consider that groundbreaking or earth shattering.”

“Do you know what they were doing while they were lifting weights?”

“I have no idea. I was busy on the elliptical machine. And, BTW watching ESPN.”

“Your species is narcissistic. Each of the men, while they were lifting weights, was staring at themselves in the mirror and watching their muscles go up and down. I don’t understand your species. Do they think that that turns women on?”

“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask your species.”

“Oh, for heaven sakes, Ray. No, it doesn’t turn us on.”

“Give my species a bit of a break, La Flor. There are few things in life we truly enjoy. Football, Fantasy Football, the NFL draft, waiting for football season, and watching our muscles while we lift weights at the gym.”

“I will never understand your species.”

“Don’t even try La Flor. It’s a mystery, even to me; and, I’m one of the species.”

Trying to understand why someone does something is a natural human phenomenon. Yet, it often results in faulty conclusions, incorrect judgments, and inaccurate responses. Even where the relationship is trusting, open, and honest, both parties may never fully understand the why of behavior. If it causes problems, resolve not to do it again, ask forgiveness, reconcile, and move on.

* La Flor is a fictional character and acts as my alt ego. Her character has evolved over the blog posts. She began with a single letter as her name. Her name gradually grew to two letters, then three before she settled on La Flor. She liked the name because it fit her idea of a beautiful, tough, and edgy feminine PI.  It is my interaction with her persona that serves as the source of these blog posts. I have no notion how La Flor will continue to evolve. It is an adventure for me as well as the reader.


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