“La Flor*, I think it’s time we had a frank discussion about chores in our house.”
“I don’t have time, Ray. My plate is full.”
“Help me, La Flor. What do you mean by, your plate is full?”
“Do you really want me to tell you everything I do? It will take some time. I’ll cut to the chase, I need an administrative assistant.”
“You need an administrative assistant? Why?”
“If you followed me. Ray, you’d understand. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up my frantic pace. Please create one in for me?”
“Create one for you? Surely, you’re jesting?”
“I jest not. Make my administrative assistant about 6 feet 3 inches. A male with a six pack and I’m not talking beer. He’ll need a good sense of humor to match mine. Thick dark hair so I can run my hands through it. He’ll look good in jeans or a tux. A personality that will jump at my beck and call. And, one who is going to escort me wherever I want to go, when I want to go.”
“Having a tough time finding a guy to fill this description?”
“It’s a tough world I face every day, Ray. I’d like to think one of your species might step up.”
“I see you’ve put a lot of thought into this, La Flor. How long have you been thinking about an administrative assistant?”
“Since the breakup. I’m not getting enough sleep with everything I have to do. You might think of picking up a bit of the slack.”
“What do you do, La Flor, besides giving me a difficult time? Do you think you could fold, sort, and deliver clothes after they come out of the dryer.”
“No can do, Ray. That is one the ten worst jobs in the world. It’s a big time stress producer. I’ll ruin my nails. The heat from the dryer will damage my skin. When I took this job as your alt ego, there was nothing said about folding, sorting, and delivering clothes from the dryer. No alt ego in her right mind would accept such a job. Notice I did not say “his” because we all know that male alt egos are often not in their right minds, so they might accept the job.”
“Just tell me a couple of the things you do that keep your plate full.”
“I’ll give you the biggee. I have to spend a google of time in front of the mirror making myself look beautiful, tough, and edgy. Remember, I am La Flor, PI.”
“You will not let me forget you are La Flor, PI. What else do you do?”
“I consult with my friend at the mystery writers blog. We go out for coffee at Starbucks. They make a much better cup of coffee than you do, Ray.”
“That one hurt. How much time do you spend at Starbucks?”
“It depends. We might be there all day if there are any good looking, unattached guys hanging around. It’s a full-time job looking for the right guy. They are a rare find in your species.”
“How about cooking meals once or a week?”
“That is so old school, Ray. Have you heard of the code word restaurant?”
“What about vacuuming.”
“I prefer to get my exercise at the gym. You never know when I’ll need a good-looking guy to spot for me as I lift weights.”
“I suppose cutting the grass is out of the question?”
“Yes, it’s out of the question. So is sweeping the floor. So is cleaning the bathroom. Do you think the Queen of England does any of these things? And, do you think any of the first ladies have ever done any of these things? Case closed.”
“Are you comparing yourself to the Queen of England? Or, to the first ladies?”
“Oh no, I have so much more going for me.”
“Can you see how my plate is full?”
“I think I just entered a parallel universe.”
“I don’t have time to go there.”
“Where?”
“The parallel universe. I forgot to mention with everything I have to do, I don’t have time to waste in some parallel universe. Is that down by The Gap? Are we done? I’ve got something important to do.”
“What’s that, La Flor?”
“I need my piece of chocolate so my heart will be healthy. I’m going to take a box of chocolates and go to see my friend at the mystery writers blog. We will have chocolates, something to drink, and good conversation. I’d love Pasta tonight, ciao.”
“Ciao?”
Each day life fills us with surprises. Some we embrace with open arms, others embrace us whether we like it or not. Getting upset over life’s unpleasant surprises doesn’t help solve the problems they present. Identifying constructive ways to work through or around our problems is an emotionally healthy path to follow.
* La Flor is a fictional character and acts as my alt ego. Her character has evolved over the blog posts. She began with a single letter as her name. Her name gradually grew to two letters, then three before she settled on La Flor. She liked the name because it fit her idea of a beautiful, tough, and edgy feminine PI. It is my interaction with her persona that serves as the source of these blog posts. I have no notion how La Flor will continue to evolve. It is an adventure for me as well as the reader.
