At first, I started this blog, alone. Then I had the idea to create an alt ego, La Flor. She’d be someone to bounce ideas off, stimulate thinking, and enter into intelligent conversations. Wrong. Wrong. And, wrong. I had another great idea, get La Flor a boyfriend. Enter Little Carmen, now there are three of us. Little Carmen stays until La Flor kicks him out, and then he returns when he grovels to La Flor. There are three of us until Thompson Thomas, Dr. Phil’s alt ego. He’s now TT because two last names as names are confusing.
The four of us are waiting to be seated at a popular San Antonio Mexican restaurant.
“Ray, use your pull, I don’t like to be kept waiting,” said La Flor, speaking while reading texts, viewing Instagram, checking out her Facebook page, and deleting photos on her smartphone that are not of her.
“I don’t have pull or push here,” I said thinking I made a clever joke. No one laughed.
La Flor glanced up from her smartphone, “Then let’s leave. We’ll teach them a lesson they can’t make me wait.” She turned to Little Carmen and TT and added, “Do you agree, LC and TT?” she expected the rapidly submissive and boot licking, ‘Yes, beautiful, tough, and edgy response.’
TT watched Little Carmen for his cue. LC looked at TT for his cue because he wasn’t listening to La Flor he was staring at the hot alt ego woman at the bar who was drinking a margarita and munching on chips. He had a headache from the continued placement of his eyes in the corners of his eye sockets.
“Well, LC,” La Flor demanded.
Little Carmen who, played cards with a deck of fifty-one. He was always a couple of bagels short of a dozen. And, he lit up like a twenty-watt bulb when a hundred watt bulb was needed. He said, “I thinks we gots to stay because the margaritas are hot.”
La Flor turned toward Little Carmen, giving him a full frontal. “Look at me, LC.”
“I am beautiful, tough, and edgy,” said Little Carmen whose face lined up with La Flor’s face with one exception. His eyes were still stuck in the corners of his eye sockets.
“Eye contact or you’ll be singing in the choir with TT,” said La Flor.
Little Carmen’s eyes shot to the front faster than the speed of light. “Is this better?”
“Those are not real,” said La Flor.
Little Carmen had a confused look on his face, “My eyes? Honest, they’re the only ones I have,” he said sincerely, yet one of the worst male moves I’ve ever seen.
I needed to change the subject because it was getting ugly, fast. “I checked, we’re next.”
“Please change our table preference to three,” said La Flor.
“Where’s TT gonna sit,” said Little Carmen.
“Right between Ray and me,” La Flor said.
I whispered to TT, “You got to think about buying a cup. It will be for your own good.”
TT turned his head to me, “From Starbucks?” he asked.
Where do these alt egos come from? Who is creating them? Why are they attracted to my blog? Vexing questions.
If La Flor hadn’t grabbed hold of TT’s arm, he may have fallen to the floor. I was certain he passed out. But, I was wrong, he was doing a poor job of faking he passed out because he kept peeking through narrow slits in his eyelids.
TT who never dated a hot woman, or a woman who was not hot, said, “He can sit on my lap if that helps us all solve the problem.”
TT will quickly learn he can’t please two masters.
Little Carmen pleading nolo contendere said, “I knows whats I was doing, but I wasn’t doing it. May eyes explain (yes, that is the way he said I’s, which baffles me either way).
“You have two strikes LC. Do you know what the third strike means? It’s the death penalty.”
“Not the death penalty. Please, please, please beautiful, tough, and edgy, not the depth penalty (yes, he said depth instead of death). I’ll do anything use wants me to do.”
“I’ll make a list, it starts with a foot massage tonight,” said La Flor.
Out of curiosity, I interjected, “Death penalty, can I have a bit of clarification?” I asked. I glanced at TT who was still jumping around. I pointed to a sign that read “El Bano.” He shrugged. The boy needs to pick up a few Spanish words around here.
“Oh, Ray. You are so knave (I think she meant to say naïve, but then again?).”
“How so?” I asked.
“I will take LC off speed dial. He’ll get lumped with you and everyone else.”
“I’m not on speed dial?” I asked incredulously.
“You were on speed dial, but you got bumped by TT.”
“You don’t suck up to me like TT does, Ray. That’s your problem. TT is really good at sucking up. Right, TT.”
“Yes, beautiful, tough, and edgy,” he squeaked while dancing on one foot.
I thought he hit high C.