I’m a man on a mission. My sanity depends on my success. Failure is not an option. I’m on a mission to help La Flor discover her rightful place in the alt ego universe. If she finds it, her two puppies, Little Carmen and TT will follow her. I will be out of rough waters. I’ll have crossed the bridge. I’ll have parachuted and landed safely. I know I’m mixing metaphors faster than a Ninja blender makes my smoothie; if it makes you nervous, try it, it’s soothing as a mountain stream. Thought I’d toss in a simile.
La Flor and I sat across from each other at the table sipping coffee. I made my own. Little Carmen and TT, her two puppies, did a Starbucks run because La Flor wanted a specialty drink, a caramel macchiato. Little Carmen and TT also sat at the kitchen table across from each other. Little Carmen fixated on his dripping biscotti dunked into a cup holding four shots of espresso. TT sipped a chai latte. They promised not to speak while La Flor and I talked.
“Excuses me,” said Little Carmen holding his biscotti over the top of TT’s chai latte and watching the slow drip, drip, drip of espresso into TT’s drink.
“You promised not to talk,” I said.
“Use didn’t start. I recollected use said, once I starts to speech, no interpreters. Am I right? Besides, I wants to give use a heads up. TT will soon have the bee hives because he is allergics to espresso. Right, TT?”
TT scratched his arm and the back of his neck, then nodded.
I need an interpreter to decipher what Little Carmen said. I said, “Don’t pick on TT. What do you want?”
“It makes TT feels like he is one of us, which he is as long at the beautiful, tough, and edgy woman agrees. Now, use asks what I wants? Nothing. I was seeing if use started,” said Little Carmen. Then he put out his fist to TT for a fist bump. TT initially winced thinking Little Carmen was going to hit him.
I mouthed the words, ‘fist bump’ to him. TT stuck out his skinny forearm with what appeared to be a ball peen hammer at the end. The sledgehammer bumped the ball peen hammer and almost knocked TT over.
“La Flor, what you want to do with your life,” I said.
“Oh, finally getting to me after a bunch of paragraphs. I’m not important enough to start off the blog? And, may I add, only write about me? She said with an edge to her voice.
Little Carmen sensed her hostility the way a German shepherd senses a stranger is within a hundred yards of his home. His ears perked up. The hairs hanging out his large nose shot straight out. He began taking deep breaths and exhaled slowly.
“La Flor say something before I pass out,” I said.
She glanced at Little Carmen, “Easy big fellow. It’s okay. When you breathe, put your hand over your mouth and nose.”
Little Carmen’s ears dropped a notch, his nostril hairs retracted, and he placed his hand over his nose and mouth, thus deflecting his garlic breath.
“Let’s start La Flor, what are your strengths?” This was a good a place as any to start I mistakenly thought.
“Well, I am beautiful. Everyone loves me. Most of the girls are jealous of me. I set the fashion trends. I’m also smart, tough, and edgy. Did I mention, I don’t have an equal?”
“It looks like you qualify for anything you want to be,” I said realizing my mistake thinking an interaction with La Flor was to be meaningful.
“I need to go shopping, let’s get this done, close the chapter, cut to the chase, get out of here, I’m getting the willies cooped up in the slammer,” she said reaching into her handbag and pulling out an emery board and began working on her nails.
I’m usually good on my feet. I can go with the flow. Jump hoops. Wing it. I wondered if I should title this blog Mixing Metaphors.
“Tell me what you want to do with your life besides shop, be adored, have people cater to your every whim,” I said.
“Is there something else to life?” she asked sincerely, then worked on her cuticles.
I looked at Little Carmen, he shrugged. I looked at TT, he shrugged.
La Flor said, “I’m bored, Ray. Can we talk tomorrow? Boy’s tag along with me while I show off my new edgy look at the high-end stores and then we’ll scoot on over to Dino’s Vino. Dino always comps me with his best wine.”
“Yes, princes,” I muttered under my breath.