Six of us stand at various places in Carmen’s Pizzeria. La Flor, sporting way too much cleavage; Little Carmen appears to be a kid with an unlimited account to iTunes. I can’t tell if TT is blushing or if the hives are lingering. Then there’s Big Carmen and Carlo. Who’s Carlo? Read on. I’m a bit confused. Am I real, or, am I an alt ego? I’m walking a very thin tightrope between sanity and whatever else exists.
“What do use thinks of the beautiful, tough, and edgy model I gots to be the image for Carmen’s Pizzeria?” Carmen speaking to Carlo.
“Big bro, use thinks she digs older men?” said Carlo. Carlo’s nose has the shape of a large deli dill pickle.
“Listen up Lil Carlo, I gonna tell use the facts of life. I know’s use flips your lid. Nobody can holds a candle to her. And, if I mays use another overused cliche, I don’t want use acting like the green eyed monster. My baby, Little Carmen is enumerated wit her.”
Sometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (Another cliche? Is he losing his mind? Is this the best he can do?).
All five feet two inches of Lil Carlo looks up at Big Carmen, who is not as big a Little Carmen, but earned the title of Big Carmen because his five feet five inches is three inches taller than his older brother, Carlo, who by nature’s design has to physically look up to Big Carmen (You’ll be tested at the end on this, make notes).
“Now, that Ray is through writing some filler, use gots to know that Little Carmen’s gagaroni overs her.”
“Can we start Big Carmen. Did I forget to mention I know where LC gets his good looks?” said La Flor.
“Use got the good eyes, beautiful, tough, edgy and who’s gonna put Carmen’s Pizzeria all over the maps.”
Lil Carmen speaks, “I sees whats use means. She’s gots what chu call star powers. She’s one of a kind. Use hit paydirt wit her …”
Lil Carlo is interrupted by Big Carmen, “Enough with the cliches. I tinks we used up the quota.”
“How about me standing on top of the counter and you behind it, Big Carmen making a pizza for the first shot? I’ll say, ‘Big Carmen delivers.’ I made it up all by myself,” said La Flor.
“The kid’s …” Carlo’s interrupted by Big Carmen.
“A natural. A genius. A miracle. One in ten million. Use wants me to keep going?”
“I get the picture, Big Bro.”
Big Carmen takes a step toward La Flor. He concentrates to stare at her eyes. A difficult task for any male member of Carmen’s lineage. He said, “I never thought of something so profounding, use is gonna take this town like a tornadacane. For those who don’t know whats I mean, that’s a combo, like my pizza special for tonight, between a tornado and hurricane.”
“I got it all Big Carmen. We can put this one on Cable and on TV and on the Internetting and on Dishes,” said Little Carmen.
“LC, don’t you dare until I approve it. Besides, we haven’t really started. I’ve got a lot more poses for you. How about this pose,” said La Flor.
Big Carmen coos, “Use is making my blood rush to my head with that one, beautiful, tough, edgy and sexy model for Carmen’s Pizzeria.”
“And, this one?” said La Flor.
“Stop shooting. Lil Carlo passed out,” screamed TT.
Big Carmen started laughing, “You’re too much for him beautiful, tough, edgy and hotter than my extra spicy with three toppings large pizza for eight-ninety-six.”
TT hovers over Lil Carlo. He’s rubbing ice on Carlo’s face. TT looks at Big Carmen, “Do you think we should call 911?”
“No,” shouted Big Carmen. Then he added, “The cops raided me last week, but they didn’t find nothing. Use a cop or something?”
TT’s almost cleared up case of the hives is now in midseason form. He held Carlo’s hand and stared at him, “You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”
Carlo opened his left eye, he stammered, “What the hell you holding my hand for? I not your girlfriend.” He paused for a moment, then screamed, “I tinks I’m going blind. I only gots one eye.”
I said, “TT, gently pull his right eyelid up.”
“I can sees. I can sees. This guy over here, he healed me.”
Big Carmen said, “This calls for celebrity (I think he meant to say celebration). I don’t feel like cooking. We all gonna go to Antonio’s Mexicano Supremo. He owes me a favor or three besides the five thousand dollars with compounding interest. It’ll be one the house. Or, like Antonio says, ‘It’ll be on the castanetoes (I’m sure he meant casa).
The photo shoot isn’t over. It’s interrupted, but not over.
“Wait a minute. Don’t end the blog. Did I get top billing today in the dialogue?” hollered La Flor. She added, “If I didn’t I don’t work until we do a redo.”
“But beautiful, tough, edgy, sexy, hot, and one in a google million zillion, Ray told me to intro Lil Carlo,” a downhearted Big Carmen said.
“I knew you were behind it, Ray. You are so jealous of my success.”