“I gonna call a meeting to protect us from forces even too big for the government to stop. Even too big for Big Carmen and the Mob to threaten. Use sees, if I don’t do nothing then nobody is going to do nothing, no how, no way, no time,” said Little Carmen.
“Are you going to do nothing? Is that what you’re saying?” I said.
“That’s exactly my point, Ray-mo. Thanks for asking da question. Like I said, which I didn’t say hold the questions. If you got one question raise your hand with one finger, but not the middle one in the case of misinterruption. If use has two questions raise your hand with two fingers and in this case, use may use the middle finger provision it comes up second and is in the basement to the next finger. If the next finger is cut off use got to use your pinky and ring finger,” said Little Carmen.
“You are so smart, LC. Ray and TT could take lessons from you,” said La Flor checking her social media and unfollowing anyone who she thought was unattractive or a potential competitor.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“The question about hows I’m gonna donates use eyes back to use if use don’t have any eyes,” said Little Carmen.
I held up my hand, “Does anyone have a clue as to what Little Carmen is talking about? He’s way over my head?” Sometimes I’ll say anything to keep peace among these four.
“We don’t have mucho time, Ray-mo. The beautiful, tough, and edgy fancy is teaching me to speaks Spinglish.”
“Do you mean fiancé?” I said.
“That’s what I said,” Little Carmen replied.
“What’s Spinglish?” I asked.
TT raises his hand.
“Yes, TT,” I said.
“If I may, perhaps I can help. Spinglish is a combo Spanish, English and street trash talk often found among the uneducated, buffoons of the lower Malgoola River in New Zealand. As far as the first part, he’s talking about the moon and the sun at the celestial cotillion on Monday.”
I used to think TT had more on the ball than the rest, he’s tottering on the edge of a precipice and if he falls, there is no coming back.
“Thanks for the clear if ick a shun,” said Little Carmen believing he was sounding intelligent because he slowly enunciated each syllable of a word.
“Are we finished, LC? I have a nail appointment in twenty minutes,” said La Flor while she was reading her texts.
“Give me five more minutes beautiful, tough, edgy who is wearing a rock so big it will be the envy of every woman who lived or will live.”
“What about extra-terrestrial women?” asked La Flor.
“Great question my beautiful, tough, and edgy mentor,” said Carmela.
“Huh. Is that like the women who wear too much makeup?”
TT nods. Carmela sees TT nod and does the same. La Flor not wanting to lose her audience nods as well and adds, “Too much makeup takes away from one’s natural beauty. But, of course, you have to have natural beauty like me.”
“Well said, my beautiful, tough, and edgy mentor,” Carmela doing her best to suck up to La Flor.
Five more minutes, then I’m out of here, I tell myself. Nothing useful is coming out of this household meeting.
“Likes I was salivating, if use looks directly into the mirror during the e-slips, use will lose your irises and once use lose them, the only place to find them is in the lost and found if somebody turns them in.”
La Flor shouted, “Bravo. We’re done. I don’t have to look into the mirror because I’m perfect. Anyone disagree?”
La Flor looked for a show of hands, “We’re all in agreement. Carmela pay careful attention to how I make the nail techs to do my nails. If you don’t they can be pushy. And, while I’m having my nails done, I want you to go and get me my fav Starbucks drink. You’ll have to hold it up for me to drink because I don’t want to mess my nails.”
“Uh huh,” obeyed Carmela.
The thought of an empty house almost overwhelms me with gratitude. Los cuatro amigos out for the afternoon and perhaps longer. My mind races with plans. A few phone calls and I’ll have dinner with a friend and intelligent conversation. Until . . .
My iPhone rings with a special ringtone for someone I hope never calls me. The ringtone plays the theme from the Godfather.