I Don’t Want To Go To A Sport’s Bar

“Ray, don’t be a stuck in the mud. Turn off your iPad and cut loose with LC and me. We’re going to Big Carmen’s sports bar. There’s some kind of big game, ” said La Flor dressed in a way to short circuit the male brain.

“I don’t want to go to a sports bar. Big Carmen owns a sports bar? I thought he only owned a pizzeria,” I said while moving my fingers on my iPad.

LC (note: I’m tired of writing Little Carmen every time I speak. I’m getting carpel tunnel in my fingers) grabbed hold of my iPad. “Let go Ray-mo, it’s for use own good. Use can watch the big game.”

“No, I need my my iPad. How will I find out what’s happening? How will be able to check Yelp? How will I see if I’m getting retweeted? What big game?”

LC gives a yank, nearly pulls off the sofa, “If use excuses me, use can have use iPad back when the beautiful, tough, and edgy woman I adore says use can. As for the udder (yes, he said udder, not other) questions, the pizzeria is only a front. Don’t remember I said that. Big Carmen gets touchy about such stuff. As for the big game, I tinks it’s a soccer match between two clubs nobody ever heard about.”

“A front for what?” I asked.

“What am I am gonna tell him beautiful, tough, and edgy one?”

They whisper. They look at each other. They whisper again. They look at each other. They whisper some more. La Flor said, “LC is ready to tell you. LC get really, really close to me.”


La Flor whispers in LC’s ear. LC says, “I means to say it is an affront.”

La Flor whispers again into LC’s ear, “To tinks that it is a front for anything other than which it is, which is namely a pizzeria.”

“Good boy,” La Flor pats LC on the back of his head. I’m waiting for her to scratch his belly and see LC’s foot jumping.

“So, you going or are you going to stay home and watch reruns? asked La Flor.

“Okay, I’ll go. Do I have to get dressed up for this place? What’s it called?” I tossed two questions. Maybe I confused the issue.

“I suggest getting out of your scrubby, dirty, so old they get a senior’s discount Nike’s, rumbled workout shirt, and the excuse for jeans you’re wearing and think Sport’s Bar.”

“I am thinking sports bar. I think I’d fit right in.”

“We’ve got so much work to do with him LC.”

“Yah, beautiful, tough, and edgy one, and so little time to do it. Especially if we is leaving in fifteen minutes,” said LC.

“You’re both wearing jeans,” I said.

“I’m poured into mine. LC’s are the straight leg, macho paints. His muscular waist and can I say six pack, accentuates his broad shoulders. Notices his form fitting casual shirt. I am going to show LC off and if anyone tries to sidle up to him, Lil Carlo promised he’d help out.”

“Lil Carlo?”

“Yah, Ray-mo. He’s the muscle tonight,” said LC.

“I’ll be back in a minute. One minute later, “How do I look?”

“Seriously?” said La Flor.

“Can you be kind?” I said.

“You’ve got no worries, you’ll be coming home with us.”


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