How Do You Know It’s Not Illegal?

La Flor and LC took off early, they told me they were invited out for breakfast but wouldn’t say who invited them. I’m free – at least for a few hours. It’s not often I get some quiet time around here. Today’s a rare days and I’m taking advantage of it. I turned off the cell, shut off the iPad, closed the lid on my laptop. And, I brewed myself a generous cup of coffee. I take my coffee, bagel and cream cheese out to the patio. A sip of coffee. a bite of bagel, another sip of coffee, and then …


I hear the squealing of wheels. The screeching of brakes. The slamming of a car door, a pause, then the slamming of another car door. I know the pause, La Flor trained LC to open her door whenever she enters or exits a car, room, whatever. Then, the front door, recently repaired with reinforced hinges, a metal plate in the wall where the knob slams into the wall. The clang is loud enough to wake the city. My ears are ringing.


Appear La Flor and LC


“Ray, Ray, Ray,” said an excited La Flor.


I steel myself. Whenever La Flor’s excitement hits eleven on a scale of five, it’s not going to be good.


Before I can speak, LC hollers, “Ray-mo, Ray-mo, Ray-mo.”


It’s going to be worse than I can imagine. What blog writer helped them craft this storyline? I’ll get even, I won’t like their post today.


“Thanks for the coffee and bagel, Ray. Why didn’t you set a place for LC? Oh, never mind. Let me tell you what happened this morning,” said La Flor taking a bite of bagel, sip of coffee. She set the bagel down. “Bagels fill me fast, you can have the rest, LC.”




“Tanks beautiful, tough, and edgy I won’t steel (yes, he said steel instead of steal) your tunder,” said LC. Two bites later, my bagel is nowhere to be seen.


“Thank you, LC. You are a gentleman unlike others at this table. Ray, we had breakfast with O’Leary at Joey’s Donut Shop. Cops and their guests get free coffee and donuts.”


“Why did O’Leary want to have breakfast with you and LC?” I asked.


“O’Leary got chewed out by his boss because of the crime wave in his precinct. He wants us to help him crack the criminal capers,” said La Flor.




“May I?” said LC.


“Bring it on home you lucky to have me as your girl hunk,” said La Flor.


“O’Leary says he wants us to be undercovers in the community. Use know, keeps our ears to the ground, our noses in everybody’s business, making sure we’s got a finger in every pie. See what I’m saying?”


I see where you’re going, straight to jail. I keep my thoughts to myself. “I see what you’re saying. What are you two supposed to do?”


“We’re getting paid under the table from a slush fund that the taxpayers don’t know nothing about. Plus they’re giving us expenses and a car they confiscated from low ball crooks.”


“Anything else?”


“Me and La Flor told him any pizza orders had to come from Carmen’s Pizzeria.”


“I’ll take it from here, LC. What’s really good about the new jobs, Ray, we get inside information on all the police action. This way, we can warn Big Carmen.”


“I thought you two were working for the police?”


“We are, Ray. You are so slow to catch on. We’re going to help the police get rid of all of Big Carmen’s competitors.”


“I think this is illegal.”


“No it’s not,” said La Flor.


“How do you know it’s not illegal?” I asked.


“Remember, I was an attorney. I know the law. I think I saw an episode of NCIS or CSI or was it a movie with Will Farrell or Adam Sandler?”


“When do you start working?”


“We’re going to stake out the Fur Palace tonight, the police got a tip it’s going to be hit. We’ve got perfect cover, we’re going to make out so no one will think we’re working for the police. Of course, we’ll call Big Carmen first and tell him not to hit it.”


“How can you watch what’s happening if you’re making out?” I asked.


“Watch what?”



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