Hi Sisters – I’m listening. I’m hear for you. I convinced Ray to let me have today’s blog – I’m winging and singing it. I’m fishing and dishing. I have no clue what I’m doing, but I was bored. He thinks I’m doing an advice column. I’ll give you a few tips that work for me.
First tip. Let him thinks what he wants to think, then do your own thing. Seems to work for me..
Second tip. Use his charge card. That way you don’t worry about how much you’re charging.
Third tip. You got to make him grovel. Grovel is good for your man.
Enter Ray.
“La Flor, I’m not going to put that on my blog. It’s terrible. It’s not the real you,” I said.
“Oh, I think it is, Ray. It works perfectly with LC. I’ve got him wrapped tight around my little finger.”
“You think so?” I said.
“Well, yes I do.”
“So it doesn’t bother you, that I saw him at the coffee shop with Gina Abbrighi, right?”
“Gina? What’s he doing with her? Were they holding hands? Did he pay for her drink? How close were they sitting?” said La Flor.
“I don’t know why they were together. They were looking at something together, like a calendar. LC shook his hand, then Gina pointed to a date, they laughed and fist bumped.”
“They fist bumped? Was it a hard bump or a gentle bump?” asked La Flor.
“I’d say a gentle bump.”
“Oh, Ray. I’ve been too rough on LC. I’m going to lose him. Help me save him from her. She’s no good for him. O’Leary is perfect for her.”
“It may be too late, you’ve been treating him like a dog. Making him grovel. You made him wear a tie all night. He’s on call 24/7. You’re wearing him out.”
“I only did it for his own good. Besides, I thought he liked it when I scratched his belly. He’d always kick his leg. And the tie? He was so handsome. Gina will do worse. You don’t know her reputation. We’ve got to save him. Do you have Lil Carlo’s cell number?”
Not a moment to soon – the door slams against the wall. The clang, the light go dim and return to full brightness.
“I’m in da vicinities,” hollered LC.
La Flor hollered, “We’re through. Get your stuff and get out before I call Lil Carlo and Big Carmen.”
“What I do? What I do? What I do? LC came running in slid to La Flor on his knees and wrapped his arms around her legs.
“Ray spotted you with Gina Abbrighi at the coffee shop. You two-timer. Let go of me.”
“I can splain every ting. I can. Honest I can.”
“It better be good. No, make that real good,” said La Flor.
“I promised Gina was gonna say nut tin, buts I gotta say some tin cause I can’t lose use beautiful, tough and edgy one,” LC now cradling his head against La Flor’s knees.
“Spill it,” said La Flor.
“Gina is gonna throw a surprise party for use because she says every woman looks up to use and we was figuring out the dates. It’s all set but use can’t know nut tin about it because it is a surprise.”
“Stand up, LC so I can jump in your arms. We’re back together.”
Some things never change.