What am I doing wearing a tux? I’ll tell you what, I am at the high brow writer, Francine Peony’s, high brow party. How did I get stuck at this party? Big Carmen twisted a couple of arms, who knows, maybe broke a couple of kneecaps, to get invitations for La Flor, LC, and me. La Flor and LC are here to case Peony’s home. Me? I’m sampling the hors d’oeuvres. I’m hoping I’ll get discovered by Francine’s literary agent. I’m watching LC use his iPhone 8 to take photos of La Flor. What he’s actually doing is taking photo’s of the art work, sculptures, and anything else of value. Let’s see how this seen plays out.
In one hand, I have a champagne glass filled with sparkling water. In the other hand a dainty, expensive china plate holding three hors d’oeuvres, each pierced to the heart with a toothpick. I sidle up to LC and La Flor. “I know what you’re doing. It’s so obvious. You’ll never get away with it.”
“With what, Ray?” said La Flor her eyes fixed on Francine’s diamond studded necklace. “Quick, LC take my photo, but zoom in on her necklace.”
“Okay if I gets her cleavage? She’s good, but not in use league my beautiful, tough, and edgy star of the night,” said LC.
“Not a problem as long as you remember who’s best,” said La Flor.
I didn’t know La Flor wanted to compete in the cleavage Olympics. Learn something new every day.
LC nudged me, then whispered, “For a rich broad, she’s cheap on da food. I don’t like whore devours. When we gonna eat?”
“This is what you eat. You’re supposed to mingle. Talk people up. Make connections. That kind of thing,” I said.
“Where’s da keg?” ask LC.
“It’s all wine tonight,” I said. Then added, “Look at La Flor, she is nursing her glass.”
“Wine’s fine, but beers better, know what I mean? If I could gets to where they is keeping the pusses (he meant to say purses), I could make out like a bandito. My Spanish is getting better, Ray-mo. Of course, I am only speaking meta frog act ly.”
I need this like I need a hole in the head. I cite my dad on that one. It was one of his favorite sayings.
LC nudged me again, “I’m starvin. I’m gonna pass out if I don’t have some real food.”
La Flor overhead LC’s comment, “Not to worry my man of steel. I texted Big Carmen, he’s sending Vinnie over with a large pepperoni and sausage pizza. Since we’re family, it’s on the house.”
“I gots the best dad and the best beautiful, tough, and edgy woman in da world,” said LC embracing La Flor. The two of them locked into a kiss down that I think might take the jaws of life to break apart.
Francine Peony walked over to me during the heat of the kiss and said with an icy air, “Who are those two? Are they friends of yours? BTW, who are you? Do I know you?”
Her attitude made me do something unusual under the circumstance, I said, “They’re friends of mine. You’re not against love, are you?”
“This is disgusting,” she said.
“Is this why you haven’t been able to write a romance novel?” I can’t believe I’m defending LC and La Flor. What are friends for if you can’t count on them.
From the entrance hall, “Getta outta my way punk! I gots a pizza for LC.”
I recognized Vinnie’s baritone voice.
“Security, security,” hollered the doorman.
The hired security man, was a roly poly balding greeter at Walmart by day, security by night. It’s hell to make ends meet for retirees.
The security guard looked at Vinnie. Vinnie opened his hoodie and showed his gun. The security guard didn’t make it to 70 by being stupid. He said, “The pie from Carmen’s Pizzeria?”
Vinnie said, “Yah, what about it?”
The guard said, “Can I get a piece?”
LC came over, took the pizza from Vinnie. They fist bumped. LC opened the pizza box and gave the guard a slice.
In the background, a voice said, “Oh, Francine what a clever idea to have pizza brought in to your party. The crowd cheered. LC lost his pizza. La Flor Texted Big Carmen, twenty pizzas were on their way fifteen minutes later.
At 11:30 Francine Peony was all over LC and La Flor, “You made this my best party ever. How can I ever thank you?”
La Flor smiled and said, “We’ll think of a way.”
What does this mean, ‘We’ll think of a way?’ I am really, really getting worried. La Flor likes being mobbed up. Come by tomorrow to find out where this story is leading.