If You Don’t Like The Rules – Ignore Them

Farlo, Tina, and Joey stood in front of the double doors to the Heavenly Happiness Assisted Care Facility. Joey read a paper sign posted on the door. “Check this out Farlo, we can’t go in. It says, no dogs. Only family members can visit. Don’t bring any food in. We check bags and purses. No guns allowed. Visiting hours are between 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. That’s wrong, it should say, visiting hour. It’s ten o’clock, we’ll have to leave and come back at two. Are you family?”

Farlo stared through the glass window at the reception desk. He was staring at a matronly woman, with a beehive doo, wearing dark blue plastic framed glasses. She was playing solitaire on her computer. An old dude with a mobile pole with a urine sack and BP monitor was standing in front of her trying to get her attention.

Farlo turned to Joey, “Did you read page one oh one, paragraph seven in the manual?”

“What manual? I don’t have my manual? When am I going to get it? What does it say?” asked Joey.

“It says if you don’t like the rules, ignore them. I don’t like those rules. We’re going in, keep quiet, observe, and play nice. And, run like hell, if I tell you to,” said Farlo.

“What?”

Farlo didn’t answer. He opened the door, took a step inside and stopped. “I hate that smell. It smells worse than you do after your cardio.”

“You gonna start on me again?” whispered Joey.

“They’re no timeouts where you’re concerned,” said Farlo in a low gravelly voice.

The receptionist looked up, past the old dude with the mobile pole complete with urine sack and BP monitor. “Hey you, didn’t you read the sign, no dogs.”

Farlo turned his head down and toward Tina, “It’s okay Tina, the receptionist forgot to take her nice pills this morning.”

Farlo walked across the tiled floor and stood next to the old timer with mobile pole with the urine sack, and BP unit on it. “What’s happening old dude? You need some help?”

“Who the hell do you think you are coming in here and talking to our citizens without permission?” The matronly woman’s abundant breasts heaving with each uttered word. Her face now as red as an overripe tomato.

Farlo ignore her. He took hold of the old dude’s arm. He glanced at it, “What the hell are they shooting into your veins, old dude?”

“They won’t tell me. They said I gave away my life to my kids when they forced me to sign a power of attorney to them.”

“Hold on. How did they force you?”

“They wouldn’t give me a catheter so I keep peeing in the bed.”

Farlo turned to the receptionist, he looked at her ID name plate pinned just over her left breast, “Is it Beverly or should I call you Bev?” Farlo asked in a low husky voice.

“It’s none of your bleep business,” said the receptionist.

“I’ll accept that. Here’s my business, I want this old dude’s power of attorney rescinded within the hour. If it isn’t I’m going to shut this place down and have you and your manager tossed into jail.”

“You can’t do that?” said Beverly.

Joey spoke up, “Yes he can. If you bother him, he’ll call Filo.”

Farlo tossed a ‘what the hell are you doing’ look at Joey.

“No, no, no. Not Filo. I’m sorry. I was rude. How can I help you?”

“The old dude was first,” said Farlo.

“How can I help you, old dude?” said Beverly. Farlo was sure she didn’t know the old dude’s name.

“Can I switch rooms to have a garden view. I want the room where Harry lived.”

Farlo interrupted, “Harry J?”

“Yah, he was my best friend. They took him out in an ambulance about fifteen minutes ago. He was healthy as can be. I don’t know why he was in here.”

Farlo bent over the receptionist desk, he put his right hand on top of Beverly’s bee hive doo, and said, “Bev if you don’t tell me where they took Harry J I’m going to pull this bee hive off your head as well as the scalp it is attached to. Do you understand me?”

“Yah, and I’ll say he never touched you,” said Joey.

“Me too,” said the old dude.

Tina barked.

Beverly grimaced as turned off her solitaire game and pulled up an Excel spreadsheet. “Here it is, they took him to the Patiently Insane Home. It’s across town.”

Farlo looked at Tina, “Tina, if Bev calls ahead on us, show Bev what you’re going to do.”

Tina jaw opened into a menacing drool with her tongue hanging out. Her voice emitting a guttural growl.

“I, I won’t Tina. I promise.”

“Fist bump old dude. Here’s my card. It only has my name and a special number on it. If they don’t cancel the power of attorney in an hour call me. If they don’t move you, call me. If they give you any crap, call me.”

“Thanks, righteous dude,” said the old dude.

Back at the car, Joey behind the wheel. Farlo in the passenger seat, and Tina sprawled across the back seat. Joey said, “You like my move tossing Filo out?”

“You’re lucky I’m not reporting you for breach of security,” said Farlo.

“What breach of security.

“Section one, paragraph 3, page 4. You can’t use Filo’s name publically until you’ve past boot camp.”

“I’m still in boot camp?”

“Hell no. You haven’t started boot camp. You’ve been in orientation. I’m hungry, let’s go to Whole Foods so you can hit the salad bar.”

“Where are you going?” asked Joey.

“Me? I’m going to Taco Heaven. I can’t stand salad bars,” growled Farlo.

“For once, have some compassion,” asked Joey.

“What do you want to do, buy new love handles? Move out, kid.”

“Farlo, who’s Filo?”

Will Farlo, Tina, and Joey rescue Harry J? Who’s Filo? Come by tomorrow as the adventure continues.

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