I Know What I’m Doing & You Don’t

Three-thirty in the morning. Farlo, Tina, and Joey sat in the back of an ambulance. Pablo sat in the driver’s seat dressed as a paramedic. Pablo’s friend, El Hombre, also dressed as a paramedic sat in the passenger seat. El Hombre is a bit of a TV personality since locally he’s appeared on more Crime Stopper news feeds asking for information as to his location. And, warning citizens to consider El Hombre armed and dangerous.

Farlo barked through the window separating the driver from the rear of the ambulance, “Where’d you get the ambulance on such short notice?”

“We heisted it from an accident El Hombre staged. I tell you Farlo, you would have been proud, bing, bang, boom, it went down like clockwork, man,” bragged Pablo.

“Yah, but there’s one glitch, which I was not happy about, but Pablo made me promise no rough stuff,” said El Hombre.

“What was it?” asked Joey.

“I wanted to cap the ambulance drivers so they wouldn’t recognize me. But I promised Pablo, no shooting, knifing, strangling, or using a metal pipe against an unprotected body part if I wasn’t attacked first. That’s wrong, man. I tell you, you got to take them out before they think of taking you out. It’s that kind of thinking that’s made me a success,” said El Hombre.

“If I didn’t need the ambulance, I’d take you outside and let you have a go at me, you’re lower than a piece of whale crap and that’s at the bottom of the ocean. You need to straighten out before somebody carries you out and dumps you in the river,” growled Farlo.

Pablo said something in Spanish to El Hombre before El Hombre could jump out and take on Farlo.

El Hombre said, “Hey man, I apologize. Three things. One, I didn’t know you was Filo’s top gun. Second, I didn’t know you is the Farlo who the street legend. And three, I didn’t know you was the man who took out El Jefe and six of his lieutenants. No hard feelings, okay.”

Farlo stuck his head in the window section and glared at El Hombre, “I see your kisser on Crime Stoppers one more time, I’m putting you at the top of my eraser list.”

“No can do. I’m a celebrity. I gotta be on Crime Stoppers,” said El Hombre.

Farlo answered, “You’re making me believe in reincarnation because nobody can be that stupid in one lifetime.”

Pablo turned toward the window, fist bumped Farlo, then said, “I’m going to turn on the lights and we’ll go in. I remember the script. Tell the intern to keep his eyes closed and play like he’s shot up with drugs.”

“This is stupid. I don’t want to wear a hospital gown. It’s open in front,” whined Joey.

“Get your head in the game, kid. You got it on backwards. Don’t worry, no one will be interested in your sorry looking ass. Act normal, like you’re in a daze and don’t know what you’re doing. It comes natural to you,” snarled Farlo.

“There you go with your negativity. Once, just once, I’d like a little praise,” said Joey.

“You want praise? Is that what you want? I’ll take you to Santa at the department store over Christmas. Now lay on your back, legs straight. Arms by your side. Eyes are closed. Let a little drool spill out of the corner of your mouth.”

“Why couldn’t I be the attending physician and you be the patient?” asked Joey.

“Because I know what I’m doing and you don’t,” said Farlo.

“Good point,” said Joey.

Pablo started the flashing lights, put on the siren, and drove up to the guardhouse at the entrance to the Patiently Insane Home. He stopped at the guardhouse, lowered his window, and hollered to the guard who was watching a rerun of a football game, “I got another one, let me through. I don’t want him to die on me. Too much paperwork.”

The guard watched the next play. He turned his head toward Pablo, saw Pablo’s uniform, which he took off one of the paramedics, and said, “Take him around back. I’ll phone ahead.”

“Thanks, man,” said Pablo and he drove on the grounds.

Pablo half turned toward the window, “Farlo, I can only give you fifteen minutes tops. I figure an APB will be out on this vehicle by then. We’ll have to ditch it and heist another ride.”

“If we don’t show up in fifteen minutes consider us dead and beat it,” said Farlo.

“What was that?” said Joey who was supposed to be impersonating a person who is heavily sedated.

“Play your role, Kid. It’s go time,” said Farlo as the ambulance pulled up to the emergency room entrance.

Will Farlo, Tina, and Joey rescue Harry J? Will they make it back to the ambulance in 15 minutes? Who’s Filo?

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