Vinnie’s World ~ Vinnie’s Convinced Adults are not Bright


I turn my test over and pretend I am checking my answers. There are twenty questions. I’m sure I got eighteen right, maybe I got all of them right.

Mrs. Navis says, “Time’s up, children. Pass your tests to the front of your row.” Honestly, her voice sounds like a dentist drill. It goes right through me.

Bobby Patterson is almost as smart as me. He sits in the last seat in my row. That’s two seats behind me. When I get his paper. I looked at his answers. My first thought, Bobby’s in trouble. He got at least four wrong. His parents are going to go nuts. Bobby chews his nails. I’d prefer gum. I have a package of gum in my homework folder. I think I might sneak a piece out to celebrate my excellent work.

Mrs. Navis collects all the papers and places the pile on the corner of her desk. She says, “Dr. Crossman, our principal, needs your help. Someone in school is drawing skull and crossbones on notices on the bulletin board. If you’ve seen anyone doing this please tell me during recess.”

This is what I mean when I say adults are not too bright. Mrs. Navis proves my point. What kid is going to rat out another kid? Okay, I know a couple. I raise my hand.

“What is it Vincent?” says Mrs. Navis.

“If I see an adult drawing the skull and crossbones on Dr. Crossman should I report it?”

“Did you see an adult doing the drawing?” Mrs. Navis asks.

“No. I was just wondering if I can report a teacher,” I say. The class laughs. Mrs. Navis turns red. 

“That’s not funny, Vincent,” says Mrs. Navis.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny, Mrs. Navis. I can’t think of any kid who would do such a thing. That leaves only adults,” I say.

“That’s enough, Vincent. Everyone take out Toby’s Uncled.  Read chapter nine. I know you’ll love it. I will correct your math tests while you read.”

Honestly. This book is boring with a capital B. Like I care about Toby’s uncle who is supposed to be a science whiz. Mrs. Navis is only tricking us to read and study science. I want to read some science fiction. I want to read a comic book filled with my favorite action heroes. I’ll read anything but Toby’s Uncle. I know I have to read it. She’ll call on me. She always does. I’m very good at reading. I’m in the top group. I’ll hurry through the chapter, then pull out some paper and draw a picture of Dr. Crossman. On the way out of school, I’ll accidentally drop it on the floor by her office. 

I caught Mrs. Navis looking at me. I smile at her. I imagine she is pleased with my math test. Not every one is as smart as me. I finish drawing Dr. Crossman’s picture. I really did a good job. I got her brown and blonde hair right. A slight problem, her face looks more like a horse than a human. I put her name over the photo so there won’t be any mistaken identity. I put Dr. Crossman’s picture in my homework folder. 

 I look at the clock on the wall. Only thirty minutes until I get out of jail. We’ll talk about Toby’s Uncle for twenty minutes, then it will be the end of the day. Dr. Crossman will do announcements. I never listen to these. Mrs. Navis will tell us to make sure our desks are neat. 

This proves I’m smart. 

The first question Mrs. Navis asks. “Vincent, where did Toby and his Uncle go and what were they planning to do?”

Mrs. Navis is famous for tossing out double questions. I was ready, I say, “They went to Latrobia Swamp to search for signs of extra terrestrials.” I answer both questions in a single sentence. I want to keep it simple for Mrs. Navis.

“Very good, Vincent,” she says. Mrs. Navis went around the room asking dumb questions about the chapter. I was free from her clutches. I’m sure she’ll tell Mom how I was spot on for reading.

Dr. Crossman makes the afternoon announcements. She finishes by saying, “Don’t forget your homework folders, children. We all had a very good day, tomorrow will be even better.”

I think the announcements would be more interesting if Dr. Crossman gave away coupons for a free ice cream cone, taco, or burger. I might pay attention. 

Mrs. Navis dismisses the class. When I go into the hall, Mom is standing outside the door. I say, “Hi, Mom. I aced the math test.”

Mom knew better than to hug me in the hall. Third grade boys do not like mom hugs in school hallways. Mom will do it anyway. I act quickly. I say, “I’ll wait on the playground for you.”

“Do I get a hug?” asked Mom.

“Aah, Mom. Not now, please,” I beg.

“Okay. I’m sure it won’t be long.”

I left Mom and walked toward Dr. Crossman’s office. I saw Billy Johnson in front of me. I called to him, “Billy, wait up. I’ve got to show you something.”


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