Grieving is Different for Everyone

Early in my grieving process, I received lots of advice on how to grieve as if there was a right or wrong way to grieve. In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again, I asked M if there was a right or wrong way to grieve. Here is an excerpt from the book:

“What do you think? Is there a right and wrong way to grieve?”

M didn’t answer as we kept walking. A hundred yards further, she broke our silence.

“What makes you think there is a right way to grieve?” she asked.

“I read it in a newsletter,” I felt foolish. M let it pass.

“I know you love sports, Ray. Is there a right way to hit a baseball?” asked M.

I thought about it for a second and said, “No. As long as you can hit a baseball, it doesn’t matter. There are some general mechanics all ballplayers share, but each one hits with a personal style.”

“What does that tell you about grieving?” M asked. “It’s not a trick question.”

“Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief. There is no one size fits all,” I said.

M patted my shoulder and said, “You’ve got it on your first attempt. Like you said, there are mechanics everyone needs. In the end, using the baseball metaphor, it’s you in the batter’s box and grief pitching. No one else can hit the ball but you.”

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone

Raymond Calabrese

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