Vinnie’s Mom Didn’t See This Question Coming

16

“I’m confused, Vinnie. Am I answering the second question or the first question,” says Vinnie’s dad trying to wrap his head around Vinnie thought process.

Vinnie says, “I need to talk to Rupert and Dexter.” Vinnie gets off his chair, picks up Rupert and sits on the floor next to Dexter. He sets Rupert in front of Dexter. Dexter’s nose rests on his two front paws. He can’t smell anything so, with considerable effort, he opens his eyes and looks at Rupert for two point one seconds. Dexter’s nose begins twitching. This is part of the built in food seeking mechanism in all domesticated beagles. Dexter stands, shakes his body and sits on his haunches in front of Vinnie. Vinnie takes a half of raw hot dog out of his pocket and gives it to Dexter. Dexter doesn’t bother to chew, he lets it slide down his throat into his belly. Dexter isn’t sure what he did, but he wants to do it again.

Vinnie’s mom says, “Did you take a raw hot dog out of your pocket, Vinnie? How long has it been in your pocket?”

Vinnie says, “It’s been in my pocket since last night, Mom. I never know when I’ll need it. I don’t want Dexter to have low blood sugar.”

“You can make Dexter sick giving him a hot dog left out all night. Besides, no wonder Dexter’s belly drags on the ground. You keep stuffing him with bad food.”

“Mom, if the food I give Dexter is bad, why do you buy it for Dad?”

“Vinnie has a point, Dear.”

“Mom? Mom?”

“What, Vinnie?”

“Is eating the hotdog I kept in my pocket overnight worse for Dexter than Dexter smelling dog poop when we go to the park? This question is not part of the game.”

Vinnie’s dad says, “Looks like your question, Dear.”

Vinnie’s mom says, “Can I phone a friend? Ask for a lifeline? Get a pass? Please, Vincent, just ask Dad the question. Don’t confuse his little brain.”

“My brain isn’t little. I’m very smart,” says Vinnie’s dad.

“If you’re so smart, is smelling dog poop worse than eating an unrefrigerated hot dog for Dexter?” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Mom got you, Dad. I saw that one coming from the end of Mulberry Street. You need to put your iPhone away and concentrate on our game,” laughs Vinnie.

“Thank you, Vinnie. My point, exactly,” says Vinnie’s mom in mock triumph.

Vinnie turns to Rupert, “What’s that, Rupert? Dexter just text you an important question to ask Mom and Dad instead of the question I wanted to ask?”

Vinnie’s dad says, “Dogs can’t text.”

“Yes they can, Dad. Dexter has electrodes in his paws and so does Rupert.”

“Vinnie’s being creative, Dear. You have to agree,” says Vinnie’s mom landing another one on Dexter’s dad.

Vinnie’s dad says, “Okay, you got me. Please take this question. I need a moment to regroup.”

Vinnie’s mom say, “I’m ready, Vinnie. I’m sure Rupert and Dexter have an intelligent question to ask.”

“Why does Joey’s dad have horns and Dad doesn’t?” asks Vinnie.

“Horns? What are you talking about?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“Joey said he heard his mom ask his dad why he was always horny. Does that mean Joey’s dad has horns?”

Vinnie’s mom starts fishing around in her handbag. 

“What are you looking for, Mom. Maybe Dad and I can help,” says Vinnie.

“I’m looking for my rosary.”

“Oh,” says Vinnie.

Vinnie’s mom takes her hand out of the handbag. “Okay, Vinnie, what do you know about my missing rosary?”

“It’s on the floor in my room, Mom. I needed something to make a boundary for my warriors. I didn’t think you’d miss it. You only use it when you feel stressed.”

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