Vinnie Asks: Did Uncle Tony Get Arrested Again?


Vinnie’s dad rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath at the same time. He considers it an accomplishment and for a moment, he wonders if anyone on America’s Got Talent ever accomplished the trick. 

Vinnie’s dad says, “While you were getting Dexter, I called Uncle Tony. We’re going to his house, it’s on the way.”

“Don’t kid me, Dad. Uncle Tony? He’s my favorite uncle. Even if he’s your only brother. Can we spend the week at his house, Dad? Can we? He’ll take me to the barroom where he’s the bartender. They have a pool table and dart board, Dad. I like to read the stuff on the bathroom walls.” 

Vinnie’s mom pulls her earphones out, she turns her head toward Vinnie’s dad, “Do not leave Vincent alone with Tony for one second, not for one second.”

Vinnie’s dad laughs, “Tony’s a good guy. He means well. He really loves Vinnie.”

“He loves Dexter too, Dad. He loves Rupert. Maybe we’ll all go out for pizza tonight at his bar. That will be so much fun.”

“We are not going to the bar, Vincent. Do not suggest it. If you suggest it, Rupert is riding up front with me.”

“Why, Mom? What’s wrong with Uncle Tony’s bar? He owns it, right?” says Vinnie.

“Tony is your brother, Dear. Explain it to Vincent,” says Vinnie’s mom.

Vinnie’s dad is about to speak when his cell phone rings. He picks up his cell from the console. “Hi Tony. We’ll be there about five.”

Vinnie interrupts, “Dad, it’s against the law in our state to hold your cell phone while driving. If Trooper Barnett sees you, you’ll get fined and a big lecture. He might even take your iPhone.”

Vinnie’s dad checks the rearview mirror, “It’s okay, Vinnie. We’re the only car on the road. I don’t see Trooper Barnett.”

“Is it okay if I break the law sometimes, Dad?”

Vinnie’s mom glances at Vinnie’s dad and waits for his answer.

Vinnie’s dad listens to his brother, Tony. He says, “You forgot to tell me?”

“I think we’ll catch you next time, Tony. Thanks, anyway. … Yes, I know it isn’t a problem. … I’ll tell Vinnie you miss him. … I’ll give her a hug for you.”

Vinnie’s mom says, “No you won’t. What is his problem?”

“Ah, uh, oh nothing. Let’s talk about where we want to stay tonight,” says Vinnie’s dad.

“It’s something. I want to know what it is,” says Vinnie’s mom.

From the backseat, “Did Uncle Tony get arrested again, Dad?”

“Oh, dear God, is Vinnie, right?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“It’s a simple misunderstanding, that’s all,” says Vinnie’s dad.

“Who’d he hit, Dad?” 

“Vinnie, enough,” says Vinnie’s dad.

“I want to be like Uncle Tony when I grow up,” says Vinnie.

“No you don’t, Vincent,” says Vinnie’s mom.

Vinnie’s dad glances over at Vinnie’s mom, “It’s a simple misunderstanding between Tony and a patron at the bar. Tony said he thinks he can get the charges dropped.”

“Did he hit some guy with his baseball bat, Dad? He has an official Boston Red Sox bat from the year they broke the curse. Is that the bat he used?” says Vinnie.

“I didn’t say anything about a bat. And, I didn’t say he hit anybody,” says Vinnie’s dad.

Vinnie’s mom says, “He has a short temper, just like your dad.”

“I bet you’re glad I take after my mom,” says Vinnie’s dad. “Keep your eyes open for a sign that says ‘We Accept Pets.'” 

“That leaves you out,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Good one, Mom,” says Vinnie.


Leave a Reply