Grieving Left Me Feeling ‘Empty’

M asked me to use one word to describe what I feel. She chided me when I tried to tell her how I feel. It wasn’t long before I knew how I felt. One word provided the perfect description for me. I told M, I felt empty. She asked me to describe it. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

“When Babe died, a tornado struck me and sucked out my life energy with such force. I’ll never be the same. It ripped my guts open and spilled them on the floor alongside my shattered heart. It was as if a surgeon decided to operate on me and not use an anesthetic or close me up after the operation. I am helpless to stop the pain. I am helpless to stop the flood of memories feeding the pain. I am helpless to stop the music or other emotional triggers releasing my emotions and starting my flood of tears. My pain is gluttonous and feeds itself on my suffering. My sense of emptiness is a chasm wider than the distance from the Grand Canyon’s north rim to its south rim. It is a vast space within. I am empty, M. That is what it feels like to be empty.”

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Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

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