Vinnie’s Mom Can Use A Little Help

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Vinnie, his mom and dad, Rupert, and Dexter are in room 301. Vinnie’s mom is laying out clothes for tomorrow’s trip. Vinnie’s dad sits on the end of Vinnie’s bed and is surfing the TV channels. Vinnie is using his bed as a trampoline. Dexter is lying on the floor next to Vinnie’s bed hoping food crumbs spill out of Vinnie’s pockets. Rupert gets tossed in the air at the height of Vinnie’s bounce of the bed. He rises until his head hits the ceiling and he tumbles back landing in Vinnie’s hands as Vinnie is landing on the bed.

“I could use some help, Dear,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Vinnie’s dad says, “They have free HBO and  Showtime.”

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” says Vinnie’s mom staring at Vinnie’s dad, her arms akimbo.

“Mom, where’s my bathing suit? I don’t mind swimming in these clothes, they’re all dirty from Dexter trying to get food out of my pockets.”

Vinnie’s mom follows Vinnie up and down, up and down. “Will you stop bouncing. It’s making me dizzy,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Try bouncing with me, Mom. I’m not dizzy,” says Vinnie tossing Rupert toward the pillows. Vinnie now trying to touch the ceiling with his outstretched arms.

Vinnie’s mom walks to the TV and stands in front of it, “Can I get some help?”

“Gee, Dear, why didn’t you say something. What can I do,” says Vinnie’s dad.

Vinnie’s mom says, “Take Vinnie to the pool for thirty minutes. I want time to refreshen before we go out to eat. Vinnie’s a good swimmer, but keep an eye on him.”

Vinnie hollers from the apex of his jump, “Dad, no peeing in the pool.”

Vinnie’s dad says, “I don’t pee in the pool.”

Vinnie’s mom says, “That’s gross.”

Vinnie says, “Joey pees in the pool and so does his dad.”

“Who told you that?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“Joey.”

“No more swimming in their pool.”

“Why, Mom. They use lots of chorine,” says Vinnie.

“If you want to swim, stop jumping and change into your bathing trunks,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Mom, can Dexter go swimming with us. He can do the doggie paddle.”

“No, Dexter will stay in the room with me and Rupert,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Rupert can’t go? Why, Mom? Rupert’s certified as a lifeguard,” says Vinnie.

Vinnie’s mom thinks in two more years I’ll be certified as crazy unless things change.

Dexter will howl, Mom. He doesn’t like strange places. He’ll miss me,” says Vinnie.

“Dexter will be with me as he is every day when you are at school.”

Vinnie stops jumping on the bed. He hops down to the floor and grabs Dexter around the neck and hugs him. “I’m going swimming, Buddy. I’ll miss you. You can play with Rupert until I get back.”

Vinnie stands up, “Mom, did you bring my snorkel and flippers?”

Vinnie’s mom glances over at Vinnie’s dad who’s watching the food channel.  She mumbles a silent prayer, “Dear Mother of God, I need a little help. I’m with two males who don’t have a clue. Know what I mean?”

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