How Can You Sleep? Asks Vinnie’s Mom. LOL


Later that night. Much later that night. Vinnie’s mom checks the time on her iPhone. One-fifteen. She glances to her right and sees Vinnie’s dad sleeping as if he had no care in the world. Vinnie’s mom is thinking, ‘I’ve got to get some sleep. I’ll have ugly black circles under my eyes. I won’t have any energy. I’ve tried deep breathing. It didn’t work. I tried counting backward from one-hundred, it didn’t work. I tried visualizing being alone on a peaceful seashore, it didn’t work.’ 

Vinnie’s mom turns on her side and shakes Vinnie’s dad. Vinnie’s dad wakes says, “Huh? What’s wrong?”

“How can you sleep?” asks Vinnie’s mom angrily.

Vinnie’s dad’s brain doesn’t want to work, the best he can come with is, “I close my eyes and fall asleep.”

“I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work. Are you taking sleeping pills? I want some.”

“No, Dear, I don’t take sleeping pills.”

“Did you eat turkey behind my back and didn’t offer me any,” says Vinnie’s mom.

Vinnie’s dad’s brain is slowly coming around, “I have a feeling something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Duh! Where have you been all evening? You’re not bothered by Vinnie’s speech?”

“Un Uh. Should I be? I thought it was very creative. What time is it?” says Vinnie’s dad.

“It’s time we talked about Vinnie’s speech. He is going to get in big trouble if he gives his speech,” says Vinnie’s mom.

Vinnie’s dad yawns. He stretches his arms over his head. He says, “Do you mind if I go to bathroom before we talk?”

“Don’t you dare to lock yourself in there and say you’re constipated,” responds Vinnie’s mom. 

Vinnie’s dad rubs his eyes, “I’ll hold it even though it’s uncomfortable. What do you want me to do?”

“Don’t you have any ideas? What do you do in court when you know your client is going to lose?”

“I usually have my client accept a plea deal. Do you think that might work with Mrs. Mavis? Don’t take it so seriously. It’s only a fourth grade election. Mrs. Mavis will probably shut him down after his first sentence and send him to the office. One of the other kids will win and our problems are solved. Let’s get some sleep, I think I see dark circles under your eyes.”

Vinnie’s mom takes a deep breath. She touches the skin under her eyes with her fingers. She says, “How bad does it look?” 

Vinnie’s dad squints. He only made it up about the dark circles. He says, “I think they’ll be cleared up the time we get up if get to sleep. It’s all going to work out. Vinnie’s sound asleep. He’s happy. Why burst his bubble?”

“Oh, maybe you’re right. I take everything so seriously, I wish I could be more like you, Dear. Thanks for talking with me,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Let’s go to sleep. I set the alarm for 6. You stay in bed when the alarm goes off, I’ll make coffee and start breakfast.”

“Thanks for reminding me why I married you. I love you. I think I’ll fall right to sleep. You are the best,” says Vinnie’ mom.

Vinnie’s dad puffs himself up like a strutting peacock.  He pulls the cover over Vinnie’s mom, then slips it over himself. Within seconds Vinnie’s mom and dad are sound asleep.

“Vinnie! Vinnie! Vinnie! Vinnie!” A constant chant echos off the walls to the beat of a large pan and spoon while a barking and howling beagle provide background music.

Vinnie’s dad is sitting up straight. He says, “My God, what’s happening?”

“Vinnie’s mom opens one eye, “You handle it, Dear. I don’t want to burst Vinnie’s bubble.”

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