Vinnie Announces to His Class, “I’m Here.” LOL



Kennedy Elementary School . . . Thursday morning.

Mrs. Mavis Mavis, 4th grade teacher, stands in the hallway talking with Cari Setters, 3rd grade teacher. “Cari, it’s been the worse school year I’ve experienced in twenty-five years of teaching. I’m sure you feel the same way even though it’s your first year.”

“But, Mavis, schools only been in session two weeks. I’ve enjoyed every second. I never knew teaching could feel so rewarding.”

Mrs. Mavis glares at Cari Setters, “You’re still naïve. One day you’ll get someone like Vincent Ricci.”

“I see him in the halls and the lunch room. He seems so sweet,” says Cari Setters.

“He has everyone fooled. But I see through him. Can you imagine him as President of the United States?”

“He’s only in 4th grade, Mavis.”

“You know his uncle heads the mob. If I look cross eyed at Vincent he’ll have his uncle put a contract out on me. I’m serious. I’ve talked to a lawyer about getting a restraining order against the uncle.”

“And . . .”

“And, my lawyer says I can’t get a restraining order if I’ve never seen him or had a phone call from or received a threat from him. Harold thinks I should carry a can of mace with me or get hand gun training.”

“Over a 4th grader … Opps, I hear the busses the kids are hear. Have a great day, Mavis.”

“I’ll have a great day when Vincent is with another teacher.”


From the Far End of the Hallway  . . .

“Mrs. Mavis! Mrs. Mavis! Mrs. Mavis, I’m here,” yells Vinnie vigorously waving his arm in the air.

Mavis Mavis forces a smile and opens her classroom door. Vinnie runs down the hallway skidding to a stop four feet from Mrs. Mavis.

“Vincent, how many times have I told you not to run in the hall way?”

Vinnie twists his head to the side and upward. After a moment he turns his head toward Mrs. Mavis and says, “Counting last year, one-hundred seventy-two times. Do I get extra credit for correctly answering?”

“Vincent, go in the classroom and take a seat. Review your math homework. We’re doing math first today.”

“Mrs. Mavis. When we talk about who we’re going to go to work with tomorrow can I go first? Can I? Can I? I’ll need a projector to do a PowerPoint. My mom helped me with it. She’s really smart. She’s in Mensa. Are you in Mensa, Mrs. Mavis?”

“Vincent, I’m busy now. Go to in the classroom.”

“What are you doing, Mrs. Mavis? Can I help? Are you looking for terrorists? Uncle Mike told me how to spot one. Can I have Uncle Mike talk to the class. He’s really smart about stuff most people don’t know.”

“I’m sure he is, Vincent. No, I’m not looking for terrorists. Please go into the classroom.”

“Mrs. Mavis, if you’re not looking for terrorists who is? Is it Pete the custodian? Is it Mr. Doolittle?”

“There are no terrorists in our school, Vincent. If the bell rings and you’re not in a seat I’ll have to mark you late. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“No, Mrs. Mavis. What if someone is sitting in my seat? Can I stand up next to my seat and not be marked late?”

Mrs. Mavis turns away from Vinnie and walks into the classroom. Vinnie follows her. Mrs. Mavis stops behind her desk. Vinnie stops next to her.”

“Vincent, to your desk or to the office.”

Vinnie turns toward the class. “I’m here, we can start.”

Mrs. Mavis mumbles, “I’m teaching the 4th grade from hell.”

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