The Lucky Canary ~ Nick is as Smooth as a Stick of Butter



Nick says, “What’s a beautiful broad like you doing in the Lucky Canary?”

“Who you calling a beautiful broad? If it was me you was calling a beautiful broad, then you got to go back to school because I may be beautiful but I ain’t no broad.”

“I was calling you a beautiful broad because broad in this neighborhood is a compliment. I would not have called you a broad if I didn’t want to say a compliment. Since you are not from this neighborhood, you probably didn’t know we are respectful to beautiful broads.”

“What’s wrong with your friend? He looks like he’s having a brain spasm,” says the beautiful broad glancing at Tony.

“My name is Nick and my friend’s name is Tony. What do you go by when you are among friends? Since you are sitting with us, you can consider us friends,” says Nick making a super human effort to cozy up to the beautiful broad.

“You hitting on me? If you are trying to hit on me you are very smooth,” says the beautiful broad.

Tony’s mind is slowly putting the pieces together, he says, “Nick is as smooth as a stick of butter, or ice at the rink, or grease after I fry bologna.”

“Huh?” asks beautiful broad.

“Don’t pay much attention to Tony. He likes to impress people with his high level of intelligence. You got a name because I prefer to use a real name and not use beautiful broad, but I must tell you, you are some kind of beautiful. If I was driving by and saw you walking on the sidewalk I’d be giving you the once and twice and maybe three times over, you know what I mean?”

“You got a way with words, Nick. You this smooth with all the women?” asks the beautiful broad.

Legos starts coughing.

“I do not try to come on to women because I don’t want to offend them. That’s why I am being so polite and respectful.”

“My name’s Tina, Nick.”

“Pleasure to know you, Tina,” Nick extends his hand, Tina shakes it.

Nick says, “You want a beer, Tina. Me and Tony drinking Coors because they make it in the Rocky Mountains. I ain’t never been to the Rocky Mountains, but if I was to go, the first place I’d visit will be where they make Coors. I hear you visit, you get as many free samples as you want. You been to the Rocky Mountains?”

Tina thinks about it, “I seen some mountains, they all look rocky to me, I don’t know if they was the Rocky Mountains. I been to jail. You done time?”

“Tony just got out. Me? I did six months in juvenile detention and three months in the county, but I never been to the state pen. You talking the state pen?”

“I got framed,” says Tina.

“More likely, you got caught,” says Legos from behind the bar.

Tina turns her head toward Legos, “For a big guy, you got a small brain.”

“Ouch,” says Tony.

“Fist bump,” says Nick.

“My brain might be small, but it works better than the three brains at your table,” says Legos.

Nick sees where this is going. He puts his hand on Tina’s forearm before she makes her comeback, which Nick can see she is about to do. Nick says, “Hey, Legos, three Coors. Tony will cover it.”

“Huh?” says Tony.

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