The Lucky Canary ~ Insults Are a Sign of Respect – Huh?



Nick glances down at the dog who is lying on the floor next to Tina’s feet. He says, “Maybe I didn’t go to college or pay attention in high school, but I do not believe a dog can do therapy. First, the dog can’t massage you with his paws and second, the dog’s not going to ask you dumb questions you forget one minute after he asks them.”

Legos resists the temptation to put a closed for the afternoon sign on the door. He’s polished the same spot on the bar for fifteen minutes. Nick, Tony, and Tina are the best act since Larry Mozelli got busted in a sting operation for selling counterfeit lottery tickets.

Tina says, “I don’t need therapy. This is my friend Jill’s dog. She’s the one needs therapy.”

“I don’t get it, how does a dog do therapy?” asks Nick.

“A dog don’t do therapy, a dog is the therapy. Don’t you know nothing.”

Tony jumps in, “Don’t go after Nick, I can vouch he knows nothing. That is a stupid question. Why would you ask if Nick knows nothing?”

Legos hollers from the bar, “I’ll back Tony up on this one. I’m one hundred percent sure Nick knows nothing.”

“Thanks, Legos,” says Tony.

“Hey, besides nothing, I knows something,” argues Nick.

Tina says, “Enough with the therapy dog. What were you guys talking about before I got here. I know you musta been talking about something because nobody goes into a bar and sits with somebody and talks about nothing, so you must have been talking about something.”

Nick pulls back, stretches and looks around behind Tina. He says, “Anybody come in with you, because if anybody come in with you I ain’t going say nothing because if I do I will discriminate myself.”

“Does it look like I come in here with anybody? I don’t see nobody but you two guys and the buffalo behind the bar,” says Tina.

“Who you calling a buffalo,” hollers Legos.

“I don’t see nobody else behind the bar except you so I must be calling you a buffalo. If the shaggy hide fits, wear it,” says Tina.

Nick and Tony fist bump. Nick says, “You met your match, Legos. Tina is doing a number on your head.

Legos fires back, “A high class woman don’t hang out with low class dudes.”

“You wanna take it outside, Buffalo,” says Tina standing up and ready for a fight.

Nick yanks on Tina’s arm, “Sit down and chill, Legos don’t mean nothing. It’s the way he is. He goes at you it’s a sign of respect. He leaves you alone it means he’s disrespecting you. You’re getting a lot of respect. What’d you do time for?” asks Nick.

“I got three to five years for assault and battery,” says Tina.

“Who’d you whack?” asks Nick.

“My boyfriend. I hit him with a baseball bat I keep near my bed. I hit him on the arms. I hit him on the legs. I missed his head but I caught him on his ribs and broke three of them.”

“Did he threaten you?” asks Nick.

“No. He knows the rules. You don’t walk in on somebody when they don’t know you are going to walk in on them.”

“What was the problem with your boyfriend walking in,” asks Tony.

“He walked in on me and my other boyfriend, can I say when we were very busy. He starts beating on my other boyfriend, that’s when I started whacking him.”

“They give you three to five for trying to save your other boyfriend’s life?” asks Nick.

“Yah, because it was the second time I did this but with another boyfriend. I just got off parole three months ago. I had to promise never to hit anybody with a baseball bat,” says Tina.

“I’m still on parole, but I don’t pay it any attention,” says Tony. He fist bumps Tina.

“Tony, What’d you do time for?” asks Tina.

Nick taps Gina’s arm. He says, “Some things you got to know, somethings you wanna know, and somethings it’s better for you not to know. This is one of the not to know things.

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