The Lucky Canary ~ Nick Has the “IF” Factor – Huh?



Tony says, “Tina, you’re a pretty hot looking chick. You with anybody? And, if you is with somebody, does it make a difference if you get involved with somebody else who might be with somebody?”

Tina tips her long neck back, takes a long swallow, then places the bottle on the table. She says, “Why you asking me this? You a detective or something?”

Tony says, “I ask this because I am with somebody, but me and my somebody have a rule that as long as you don’t get caught it don’t matter if you get involved on the side, see what I’m saying?”

Legos mutters, “It only gets better.”

Tina says, “You hitting on me? Or, are you only telling me this to let me know another one of the house rules seeing this is my first time in here?”

Nick jumps in, “Tony is not sophisticated like me. He’s not salve.”

Legos interrupts, “Nick means suave.”

“That’s what I said if you clean your ears,” says Nick.

“I can read lips and every time your lips move, nonsense comes out,” retorts Legos.

Nick waves off Legos, “He always gotta have the last word. Tony, he don’t beat around the bush, on the bush, or under the bush. He was saying if you was with somebody and wanted someone more intelligent he is available, but this is not the way I would say this if I was to hit on you.”

Legos gets on his cell phone, “Tommy, you know Nick and Tony? Watching them with this dame is priceless. Get over here and pick up Allison on your way over. She’ll like the show.”

Tina says, “I can see you are a smooth operator. You got what I call the IF factor.”

Legos says, “You mean the IT factor.”

“No, I mean the IF factor, if you was on social media instead of making wise acre comments you know what I mean, but since you isn’t on social media you have no clue.”

“Yah,” says Nick.

“Thanks for the support. I can see you know what I mean,” says Tina.

Nick has no clue what Tina means, but every word out of her mouth is like honey to him.

Tina glances first at Nick and then at Tony, “What’s it to you if I am involved or I am not involved with someone? If I want to get involved, I’ll get involved. So far, neither one of you showing me a reason I should get involved any longer than it takes me to finish my beer.”

Nick says, “This is because you been too busy talking and not doing enough listening. If you was listening, you might hear something that lights a bulb in your head. Let me give you an example. Before you come in, me and Tony was talking about how we make a play to score a million dollars. We only got a few bugs to work out before we are richer than the rich people who live on the northside. If you’re already rich, then you got no need to listen to us.”

“Yah,” says Tony.

“Okay, so I am all ears, what’s your big play,” says Tina.

“Why should we tell you our play cause we don’t know you from nothing. Far as I’m concerned, you just a beautiful broad with a therapy dog, whose got nothing going for her.”

“I might be a beautiful broad with a therapy dog, but I got more going for me than both of you. Maybe you got some ideas but you got no idea on how to make your idea work without being caught.”

Nick holds up both hands traffic cop style, “Whoa, who said anything about the police or doing something illegal?”

Legos hollers over, “Isn’t that what you were talking about a half hour ago?”

“Nobody asked you for an opinion,” says Tony.

“The lady has a right to know you guys are thinking about something illegal.”

Tina flips Legos the bird and looks at Nick, “What’s your idea? I don’t like small scores. Better to have one big score and then lay low for a year before you plan the next score.”

“Tina sounds as smart as you, Nick. I think we need to bring her in for cut in the action,” says Tony.

Tina says, “You hitting on me, Tony?”

“Uh huh,” says Tony.

Nick finishes his Coors. He turns the bottle upside down and calls over to Legos, “Another round for the table.”

Legos, not wanting to lose the entertainment, brings three bottles of Coors over. He sets them down and says, “It’s on the house.”

Nick says, “Before I divulge nothing, I do not know your last name. I know Tony’s last name and Tony knows my last name. I don’t know Lego’s last name, but maybe he don’t have a last name. If I had to guess, I think Tony does not know your last name.

“Maybe I don’t have a last name. Maybe I’m like Madonna or Lady Gaga.”

Tony says, “That’s where you are wrong, Lady Gaga’s last name is Gaga.”

Leave a Reply