🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Tina Warns Nick Her Hormones Are Out of Control


Nick says, “Tinzi you’re gonna be a mama and me a papa? Why didn’t you tell me? I woulda brought you breakfast in bed. I thought it was your period causing you to be grouchy.”

“I am not having my period. I’m gonna have it, which means don’t cross me or double cross me. I was grouchy because you have not figured out where we keep the laundry basket. Every day I find a trail of a dirty t-shirts, dirty undershorts from the living room to the bedroom. I also got a real problem with your dirty undershorts that I will not talk about in public.”

“You mean pubic, right?” asks Tony.

“What are you talking about?” asks Tina.

“I don’t know,” says Tony.

“Then stay out of it unless you want to go toe to toe with a woman who’s hormones are out of control,” says Tina. She turns back to Nick, “Either you are too dense to learn. You want to irritate me. Or, you don’t care. Which is it?”

“Is there a fourth choice? I don’t like the choices I got,” says Nick. “My mom never said anything to me about me leaving my clothes where I take them off? The way I see it, I take off my clothes where I am. How can I take off my clothes where I am not if that’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“Do I look like your mama?” says Tina.

Tony jumps in for his buddy, “You both got the same color hair. I don’t think Nick’s mom got tats. Nick’s mom won’t look good in a zucchini.”

Legos says, “You mean bikini.”

Joey taps Tony, “I think Legos is right. I never saw a woman wearing a zucchini.”

Tina says, “Starting now if I find your clothes on the floor, they are going in the trashcan.”

“No, Tinzi, no,” pleads Nick. “You are putting pressure on me to members about clothes and toilets. I think I’m getting a migration.”

Legos shakes his head and says, “Migraine. It’s migraine, not migration.”

Tony says, “You are wrong again, Legos. A migration headache starts behind the ears and moves over the top of the head and sits above your eyebrows.”

Tina gives Tony a look, turns to Nick and says, “Since you bring it up, what is it about men and toilets? Why does a man have to sit on a toilet and read a magazine? Why can’t you sit on the sofa and read the magazine? Why do men make loud noises when they’re on the toilet seat? Do you understand what you are supposed to do when you are sitting on the toilet? Your mama ever tell you the toilet isn’t a place for relaxation? You know how many germs are on your magazine and newspaper? How am I sposed to read the newspaper or Star magazine after you take them in the toilet?”

“If you guys put a urinal in your bathroom, you wouldn’t have a problem,” says Tony.

“Who asked you? You don’t even know what a sugar mama is,” snaps Tina.

Nick says, “Is that a woman who likes to bake cookies? My aunt Rena likes to bake cookies and she likes to eat them. Is she a sugar mama?”

Tina starts laughing. “You don’t know what a sugar mama is even when you have one. What planet you living on?”

Nick glances at Tony. Tony shrugs. Legos wonders what planet he’s living on. He figures he’s in an alternate universe.

Tina says, “Do you know the name of the third planet from the sun?”

Nick and Tony stare at Tina.

Tina says, “Let me try a different way. Let’s play Jeopardy.”

Tony says, “I’ll take mob heroes for two-hundred.”

Tina tosses down another shot, “Legos, help me.”

Legos hollers over, “Earth.”

Nick taps Tony’s arm, “I got this. Who is Tuna?”

Tina and Legos stare at each other. Tina turns toward Nick, “Are you stupid?”

“My mom asked me that question about six months ago and I didn’t know the answer. But, Tony picked mob heroes, so Tuna is the correct answer. You can’t go changing the rules in the middle of the game.”

Tony taps Nick’s arm, “I don’t think we’re in the middle of the game since this was the first question.”

“Good point,” says Nick.

“Why do I stay with you?” says Tina.

“My good looks and for love,” says Nick. Nick and Tony fist bump.

“You big lug, you got the looks to rock any hot blooded woman’s heart,” says Tina getting up and walk around the table to Nick and kissing him.

“I wish Stella would do that to me once in a while,” says Tony.

Nick glances at Tony, “Where do you have Stella on your speed dial?”

Here we go, thinks Legos.


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