🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ When is the Third Person Not a Person? LOL


Tony’s feeling safe. He slides into his seat between Nick and Joey. He nudges Nick, “Is Jimmy D going fishing?”

“Sounds like it. I can’t figure out what Joey is going to do with fish. Myself, I only like lobster and clams,” whispers Nick.

Legos overhears Nick, “A lobster is a crustasians. A clam is a mollusk.”

Nick turns toward Legos, “What are you talking about. You ever seen crust on a lobster. I see crust on bread. I don’t see no crust on a lobster. I never seen no moles on a clam. If I did, I wouldn’t eat the clam.”

Stella says, “I seen crust on a lobster roll. Maybe that’s why they call them whatever Legos said. I’ll tell you who’s got crust. It’s Jimmy D. “He put pressure on me to quit pole dancing and work as a high priced hooker.”

Legos thinks, It’s your life calling. You’ll do well. He keeps the thought to himself.

Tony says, “I thought you worked in weather.”

Stella says, “Was I talking to you? I was talking to everybody but you.”

Nick, Tony, and Joey stare at Stella visualizing Stella doing her pole dance at Jimmy D’s Happy Hour Every Hour topless club.

“You better not be thinking what I think you are thinking, Nick, or you are gonna be sleeping on your mama’s sofa tonight,” says Tina pouring herself a shot and refilling Stella shot glass. “Tell us what happened, sister.”

“Thanks, Tina,” says Stella tossing her shot down. I told Jimmy D what he could do with his offer. He told me nobody turns a Jimmy D offer down.”

“Does he always talk in the third person?” asks Legos from behind the bar suddenly interested in the conversation at the table.

“There was no third person when he was talking to me. There was just Jimmy D and me,” says Stella.

Nick is ignoring the repartee between Legos and Stella. Instead, He is looking at Tina, then at Stella, back to Tina, then back at Stella, then back at Tina.

“You watching a tennis match?” says Tina.

Nick says, “You and Stella know each other?”

Tina laughs, “Me and Stella met last week at Charlie’s Draw Me a Tattoo Shop. We was getting the same tattoo in the same private space at the same time by two different artists. This gave us time to get acquainted and do girl talk about if we should dump the load we’re carrying and look for a sugar daddy.”

“I never seen your new tat, Stella. Can I see it?” asks Tony.

“You never seen it because the only thing on your mind when we are making love is Lorraine. If you start thinking of me, maybe you would have seen it since I got it special for you,” says Stella.

“You’re all I think about when we’re making love,” says Tony.

Stella tosses a shot down, “Tell me why you mentioned Lorraine’s name when we was making love?” says Stella.

Tony’s brain slams on the brakes. Nick covers his mouth with his palm and whispers only something Tony can hear.

Tony says, “When we was making love, what I said was, ‘This is so good, it’s insane. I didn’t say Lorraine.”

Stella picks up a shot glass and fires it sidearm grazing Nick’s head and splattering into a zillion pieces against the wall.

The Tuna sees where this is going and he does not want to testify in a manslaughter trial or go to Tony’s wake and funeral. He says, “Angry broad, you got one hell of an arm. The Sox could use you as a relief pitcher if you ever get your temper under control. Beautiful broad, move the bottle away from the angry broad before it becomes a lethal weapon. I am gonna interrupt you angry broad and when we are finished you can stick his sorry ass in the river for all I care.”

Stella turns toward Tuna, her mouth drops open, her eyes tear up, “Tuna, are you available? You are the only man who understands me.”

Tina taps Stella on the arm, “He’s mine if Maria dies.”

Stella turns toward Tina, “Fine, I’m second in line.”

“Who’s sorry ass is Stella gonna dump in the river, Tune?” asks Tony.

The Tuna looks at Stella, “Jimmy D was mad at you for not taking his offer to become a hooker?”

“That slime ball, he walks over to Zeke Pratti who’s the shift boss and talks to him. The next thing I know Zeke tells me I got no more work.”

“You are a neighborhood girl. This is something I do not like. I am going to think about it.”

“Will you get me my job back, Tuna?” asks Stella.

“I’m thinking about it,” says Tuna.

Tony says, “You’re not doing the weather anymore? Where am I gonna get my money?”

Stella looks at Tina, “What’s he talking about?”

Tina shakes her head and shrugs.”

Nick is holding his iPhone with a death grip, says, “I think I can help.”

The Tuna nods at him.

Nick says, “I can explain why Tony thinks you are doing weather. Tony told me you told him that it’s a good night when you can make it rain. You wanna show us how you make it rain?”

Tina gives Nick the look.

Nick says, “I misspoke. Opps.”

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