🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Tina’s Biological Clock is Ticking


Tuna, Nick, Tony, Legos and Tina stare at Joey.

“What? I’m serious. I’ll only accept a hit on a guy who deserves it. The pay has got to be good. I’ll get lots of days off,” says Joey.

Legos calls over, “And the gas chamber.”

“They wouldn’t?” says Joey.

Tuna nods, “They would.”

Legos says, “Was this a can’t miss, can’t miss idea?”

“It had can’t miss possibilities. I didn’t have time to think it all the way through,” says Joey.

“Just like you didn’t have time to think it through before you stole the warden’s car, escape from Bridgewater, and sell the warden’s car,” says Legos.

“Joey can’t think of everything,” says Tony.

Tina interrupts, “Well, Nick.”

Nick turns toward Tina, “Well, what? You think Joey would make a good hit man?”

“You gonna propose to me or not?” says Tina.

“I wanna get married, Tinzi. Now’s not the right time with everything I got going on and everything that’s happening,” says Nick.

“What you got going on? Because coming here and talking about nothing and then coming home and talking about nothing,” says Tina.

“Think about it, Tinzi. It’s hard work talking about nothing. You go to Angelo’s Pool Room and the guys gotta talk about something like politics or sports or drugs or how they hate their mother or their father. Me, I’ll talk sports, but I don’t hate my mom and I don’t hate my dad even though I ain’t seen him since I was a kid. I don’t do drugs unless you call aspirin a drug or cheap beer a drug. As far as politics go, they’re all crooks. No politician never did nothing for me or anybody I know.”

Legos chips in, “You means something. What politicians are doing is nothing.”

Tina looks at Tuna, “What’s Nick talking about?”

The Tuna says, “Nick don’t want to make no commitment so he’s doing a dance with all the talk about nothing. He’s hoping he’s gonna make you lose your train of thought.” The Tuna turns toward Nick, “Quit beating around the bush, you gonna propose to the beautiful broad or set her free?”

“Yah. Why can’t more men be like you, Tuna,” says Tina knocking back a shot and refilling her glass.

Nick looks around searching for a lifeline, a life preserver, or an escape route. Finding none, he says, “I feel like I am down at the precinct station and getting the third degree. Don’t I have a right to a lawyer if I can’t afford one? Besides, anything I say can will be used against me.”

Tina says, “Nick, you don’t have no right to a lawyer. And, everything you say I am gonna toss right back in your face.”

“You told me you loved me this morning when we woke up. Has that all changed?” asks Nick.

Tina says, “My biological clock is ticking. It’s time we settled down.”

Tony chips in, “I think you are mistaken, you meant to say gynological clock. There’s an app for it on the iWatch.”

Tina shakes a forefinger at Tony, “One more interruption and this long, sharp fingernail on this finger is gonna etch my initials on your cheek.”

Tony puts the palm of his left hand over his mouth.

Joey drives into the conversation, “I’m not ready for this stuff. I didn’t know relationships were so heavy. You think the warden will be mad if I put a different car in his parking place?”

Tina and Nick turn toward Joey, “Who asked your advice?”

The Tuna puts his thumb and forefinger to his lips and lets go with an ear shattering whistle. “We gotta cool the temperature down. No good decision is made when the temperature is hot. Legos bring Coors for the boys. Bring the beautiful broad a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels. While you’re at it, pickled eggs, sour pickles and salted nuts.”

“I’m on it, Tuna,” says Legos.

Tuna points his crooked index finger at Joey,  “Give me have the ring, Tone.”

“Do I gotta, Tune?”

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