🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Did Nick Get His Chest Waxed?


The Tuna says, “Nick and Joey push your chairs tight against Tone’s chair. He’s gotta stay for this. He cannot go to the bathroom, run out the emergency door, or hide under the table.”

“It’s gonna be bad, Tune. I know it’s gonna be bad. Please tell me it’s not gonna hurt even though I know it’s gonna hurt,” says Tony.

“Legos, you got a box of Kleenex. I got a feeling we gonna need it before I’m through,” says the Tuna.

Legos reaches under the counter, picks up a box of small paper napkins with a yellow canary embossed on each napkin. He holds the box up, “Will this do?”

“Better than nothing. I don’t want to see Tone wiping snot on his Pat’s sweatshirt,” says the Tuna.

“Thanks, Tune,” says Tony.

Legos carries the box of small logo paper napkins to the table. Legos says, “Can I sit at the table. I wanna hear this.”

The Tuna glances at Legos, nods, then turns to Joey. “Joey, it’s time you boosted a car and went back to Bridgewater. You make sure you wipe your prints off everything. I don’t wanna see you doing hard time. I don’t think you can do it.”

The Tuna pulls a twenty out of his pocket, “When you steal the car, get it washed so’s it nice and clean. That way when you park it in the warden’s place, anybody ask you what you was doing, you tell them you was told to wash the car by somebody you didn’t see before. Can you remember all of this?”

Joey says, “Do I gotta get the good wash or can I get the cheap wash? I saw they was having a car wash at the church to raise money for the poor.”

The Tuna says, “Tone, loan Joey your sweatshirt to put over his orange jump suit. Anybody sees the orange jump suit they’ll know he escaped.”

“Do I gotta?” asks Tony.

The Tuna shoots a look.


Tony takes off his sweatshirt. He’s got nothing underneath but a black forest running across his chest up to his neck and stretching down toward his pants.

Tina says, “That is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Tony says, “What’d do you mean ugly. I seen Nick’s chest in the locker room and when he was fighting. He got more hair than me,” Tony pauses. He looks at Nick. Nick flushes a brilliant pink. Tony says, “You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t, Nick. We promised each other we wouldn’t.”

Tina says, “Some things you do for love and some things you do when you know love is gonna kick your hairy chest out the door.”

Nick says, “It hurt like hell, Tony. It was worse than having a baby.”

“What do you know about having a baby?” asks Tina.

Nick turns toward Tina, “I was a baby once, that should count for something. I think I remember my mom screaming as I was coming out.”

Legos says, “Yah, she was screaming all right, screaming she wished you wasn’t hers.”

Nick looks at Legos, “You don’t think my mother is my mother? Should we get an NAD test.”

“Try DNA,” says Legos.

“Is that more expensive?” asks Nick.

The Tuna interrupts, “Joey, leave. Legos, take Joey’s place. Don’t let Tone get out of his seat.”

Joey gets up, “He says, “If my schedule works out, I’ll escape next Friday and be here in time for drinks.”

The Tuna gives Joey a look.

“I’m outta here,” says Joey.

“Now, where to begin,” says the Tuna.

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