Tony slams a palm face down on table. A switch is thrown, a light turns on, the aha moment arrives, “Nooooo. Say it an’t so, Tune. Tell me Stella isn’t faking it. You’re ripping my heart out, Tune. No man wants to hear the truth you laid on me.” Tony pauses for a moment, bangs his forehead on the table, then looks at Tuna, “I don’t mind sharing her. Do you think she’ll go for that?” says Tony.
Legos grabs hold of Tony’s bicep, “Pull yourself together, man. The Tuna is sugar coating it. You’re already sharing her and you’re at the bottom of the barrel. The Tuna’s holding back on the real dirt. If the Tuna gave you all the dirt he knows about Stella, you could fill the harbor with it.”
“It gets worse than faking it?”
The Tuna nods.
“What am I gonna do, Tuna?”
The Tuna says, “You gotta do what you gotta do and you gotta do it when you do it.”
“What’s the Tune talking about, Nick?” asks Tony.
“All I can figure out is it is something you gotta do. You forget anything you was supposed to do today?” asks Nick.
“The only thing I needed to do today was come to The Lucky Canary and talk to you about proposing to Stella. Now I don’t got to do that,” says Tony.
Nick continues, “I got an idea. Maybe you can rebound to Lorraine. She still available?
“Do you think marriage counseling will work, Tuna,” says Tony.
“You’re not married,” says Legos.
“Tone, love’s not always true, sometime it’s gonna hurt,” says the Tuna.
“Tune, why? What did I do? You know everything, Tune. What you don’t know you know somebody who knows it,” says Tony.
The Tuna takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out, “Tone, when Stella was telling you she loved you, she was keeping her fingers crossed.”
“Tune, is there a subscription to heal a broken heart?” asks Tony wiping away tears with an embossed canary napkin.
Legos says, “You mean prescription.”
“What’s that?” asks Tony.
Nick puts his arm around Tony, “You got to move on, Tony. You can’t stay in the same place even if you want to stay in the same place.”
“Even if it is the only place I want to be, Nick?” asks Tony.
“You broke up before, Tony. You never been brokenhearted. There’s lots of available and not so available broads in the neighborhood who’d want a chance for you,” says Nick.
“It’s not a he she’s in love with, Tone. It’s a she, she’s in love with,” says the Tuna.
“Give me another shot of Jack Daniels, I’m gonna pass out,” says Tony.
“It’s not just any she, she is in love with, it’s the she, she sees in the mirror every day,” says the Tuna.
“What’s the Tuna talking about, Nick? What woman is Stella in love with,” asks Tony.
Nick looks at Tuna and nods, “I got this one, Tuna. Stella is in love with herself. She’s gonna dump you like a bad batch of meatballs. She’s gonna toss you out like you was three week old garbage. She gonna . . .”
Tuna raises a hand, “I think Tone gets the drift, Nick. What are you doing, Tone?”
Tony has his cell phone next to his ear. He places a finger in front of his lips, “Hello, Lorraine, it’s me, Tony.”