🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Tina Tells Nick He’s On Shaky Ground


The door behind the bar swings open, the Tuna shuffles through, Legos follows him. The Tuna glances at the table, turns partially to Legos, “At least there’s no blood spilled. I figured it was fifty-fifty odds the beautiful broad cut off one of Nick’s earlobes.”

Legos whispers, “From the look on Nick’s face, maybe she tried and he ducked out of the way.”

The Tuna smiles. “He got some moves from boxing, but he don’t move like Jagger.”

Tony waves his hand and calls, “Legos, I’m jonesing for pickled eggs.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, so how do you know what you are asking?” says Legos.

“I heard some guy in a higher class bar than this tell his girl, he was jonesing for her. I put two and three together,” says Tony.

“I’m surprised you could afford the drinks. What did you come out with, seven?” says Legos pulling out the Tuna’s chair.

Tony thinks about it for a second, “Good one, Legos. You couldn’t catch me. I came out with six. Anyway, I didn’t pay for the drinks, Stella paid for them.”

The Tuna reaches the table and glances at Tina, “What’s wrong, beautiful broad? You got a mixture of anger, hurt, and revenge painted over your face like the graffiti under the Stetson Street bridge.”

“Is it that obvious, Tuna?” says Tina.

The Tuna shakes his head, “I could read it with a blindfold on.”

“Please, Tuna. I beg you, let me be your mistress. You are the only man I want. You’re the only man I know who’s honest and respectful of women,” says Tina.

“What about me?” asks Nick.

Tina jabs a finger at Nick, “What about you? You are on shaky ground and it is getting shakier by the minute.”

The Tuna takes hold of the Jack Daniels bottle and refills Tina’s shot glass, “Take this to settle down. I got to hear what is causing this disruption. But first things first, I ain’t never had a mistress. I don’t intend to have one. Me and Maria are soulmates. It’s always been that way, not that I don’t appreciate the offer.”

Tina knocks back the shot, “Why can’t all men be like you, Tuna? Why do I fall for a guy who can’t make a commitment and who’s got Yvonne’s phone number in his contacts?”

The Tuna sips his wine, “Some things in life are a mystery and the best you can do is to live the mystery. I learned that on PBS. It don’t make sense to me, but I like to say it. It makes me sound smart.”

Tony nudges Nick, “What’s Tune talking about?”

Nick whispers, “I don’t know. I’m trying to stay alive. Tinzi is beating my brains out. Keep an eye on her left hand, if it goes in her handbag, I’m outa here.”

The Tuna looks at Nick, “You got Yvonne’s number in your contacts?”

Nick says, “Yvonne made me do it.”

“You are pathetic, Nick. We’re through. It’s over. You broke my heart for the last time,” says Tina.

“Tinzi, read me my rights. A man’s got rights. He lives by a man code. If I violin it, I can be tossed off the man team,” begs Nick.

Legos butts in, “You mean violate not violin it.”

Nick says, “You don’t know what you are talking about, Legos. A violate is a flower. I thinks it’s my aunt Mary’s favorite flower.”

Legos says, “Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.”

“Really?” asks Nick.

Legos goes back to reading the Herald sports section.

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