🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Tina Lays Out in Simple Sentences How Nick Annoys Her – Oh Oh


Nick says, “Tinzi, Tony’s mom wants Tony to become a priest so he can say masses for her after she dies. She makes him pray the rosary with her every night. He can’t take any woman home. He only can watch the Discovery channel and PG programs on Netflix. He’s gotta clear the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher and he gotta clean the toilet after he goes. It’s worse than prison.”

Tina fills her shot glass with Jack Daniels, knocks it down. “Okay, I’m down. I’d just as soon waste and hour or two listening to you two talk about nothing.”

“Why you coming at me like I root for the New York Jets? I never root for the Jets or the Yankees. There’s nothing worse than that. What I do, Tinzi? I can’t contemplate if you’re mad at me,” says Nick.

“Concentrate,” Legos says.

Nick turns toward the bar, “I never drink juice from concentrate, it gives me the runs.”

Tina says, “How long we been together? Eight weeks, maybe ten weeks? This week it seems like forever. Maybe I don’t want to be hooked up with you forever if forever feels like this week.”

Nick says, “Tinzi, Tinzi, tell Nick what’s bothering you.”

Tina says, “The first thing, I can’t stand it when you talk in third person. When you talk in third person it’s like I gotta look around to see who I’m talking to.”

“Want me to leave so there won’t be a third person at the table?” asks Tony.

Tina ignores Tony, refills her shot glass, tosses it down, and says, “I’m gonna lay it out to you in simple sentences even you can understand.”

“Give me your best shot, Tinzi. I can take it like a man,” says Nick.

Tina says, “Anybody ever teach you how to eat? You chew with your mouth open. You talk when your mouth is full. You use a toothpick and don’t floss. You fart when we’re sitting next to each other on the sofa and you start laughing and tell me it’s Dog.”

Nick interrupts, “So I got a few faults. Don’t cuse me before you cuse yourself.”

“I’m only starting. I got a list of one hundred things,” says Tinzi.

Before Tina can continue down her list of the one hundred things Nick does things that annoy her, the door to The Lucky Canary opens.

Legos stares at the door at the guy walking in wearing an orange jump suit. Legos says, “Joey, I don’t want you in here if you busted out of Bridgewater.”

“Man, Legos, I can’t take more than a week at a time in the joint. Joey can’t be caged. Joey’s got to be like the range free chickens. Besides, Joey’s got to see the Tuna. Joey has a can’t miss idea guaranteed to can’t miss,” says Joey as he walks to the corner table.

Tina turns toward Legos, “Does everyone in this neighborhood talk in third person? Is it the water?”

Legos says, “It’s the first time I heard Joey riffing in third person.”

“Did they put Joey in a cage with chickens, Nick?” asks Tony.

Nick shrugs. He says, “I dunno, I never been sent to Bridgewater. Whose car did you steal, Joey?”

Joey says, “Joey didn’t steal any car. Joey walked down the tracks to where the train for Boston stops. When Joey got there, he waited for the train, got on and bought a ticket.”

Tony taps Nick on the shoulder, “Who’s this Joey, Joey’s talking about?”

Nick says, “Probably his cellmate and they escaped together.” Nick looks at Joey. “Joey, did Joey get off the same stop as you?”

Joey says, “Joey got off the train at the stop two blocks from here.”

“Joey, anybody say anything about the orange clothes you and Joey was wearing?” asks Nick.

Legos walks over to the table, he towers over Joey. Legos’ hairy forearms are size of Joey’s calves. Legos bends slightly, places a closed left fist on the table in front of Joey and says, “You start talking in first person or I’m going to dropkick you over the turnpike bridge. Understand?”

Joey looks up at Legos, “Joey says it’s the way you gotta talk in the joint to sound tough. If somebody’s coming at Joey, Joey thinks the tough guys gonna be looking over his shoulder for my buddy Joey who he thinks got my back.”

“What’s wrong with that, Legos?” says Tony.

Legos takes a half step toward Tony.

“Chill, Legos. I’ll make sure Joey don’t talk in first, second, third, or fourth person,” says Nick.

“Smart thinking, Nick,” says Tony.

Legos is thinking society is going to hell faster than a trip down the water slide at Six Flags turns and walks back to the bar.

Tina bangs her shot glass on the table “It’s my turn to talk.”

“What was you talking about, Tinzi? I lost track when Joey showed up,” says Nick.

“Where do I begin,” says Tina.

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