🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Tony Wishes He Shared a Prison Cell with Stella


The Tuna holds up a forefinger to his lips. He waits a moment, then says, “We got some stuff to talk about. First, we gotta talk about getting Tone out of his momma’s house before he goes nuts. He don’t have the call to become a priest.”

Nick jumps in, “Maybe Tony’s got a call to be a Rabbit.”

Legos calls over from the bar, “You mean rabbi.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about, Legos. If you got a rabbi, then you got bit by a dog who’s foaming from the mouth. They got a shot for that. It’s like the dog’s DTS’s.”

Legos says, “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Let it go, Legos,” says the Tuna. The Tuna points his index finger at Tony, “Nick, I already know what I’m gonna do to you if you don’t propose to the beautiful broad. I’m gonna give you a hint. It’s gonna hurt worse than the worse hemorrhoid you ever had.”

Tony nudges Nick, “You gotta propose, man. You don’t want what the Tune’s gonna do to you if it hurts worse than your worse hemorrhoid. Member when you had to sit on an inflatable? Member when you was plugging in wax bullets like they was candy? Member when . . .”

“Enough, Tone. Zip it,” says Tuna. I don’t want no interruptions. . . .”

Tony says, “Tune, I think you meant . . . opps. Sorry. I don’t want a hemorrhoid.”

The Tuna continues, “Beautiful broad, you and me are looking at three fools. Each one of them got a problem too big for their simple minds to figure out. We got to help them unravel the knots in their brain. Then we gonna talk about what I’m gonna do with the hot ring Tone took from the Donut King.”

“What’s Tune talking about, Nick? Who are the three fools he’s looking at? Anybody behind me? Do you think he means Legos?” whispers Tony.

“I’m trying to figure it out, Tony. I don’t think it’s the beautiful broad cause she’s nodding her head agreeing with him. It can’t be Legos cause he’s reading the sport’s section. I don’t think it’s Joey cause he’s not smart enough to be a fool. I think it’s you. I know it can’t be me because I am a fool, but I’m not as big a fool as you. The Tuna must think you are a triple fool for living with your mom.”

Tony nods his head. “I gotta be the biggest fool ever lived to let Stella slip away and get caught up with Lenny and Nunzio. I wish I was in prison with her.”

Legos carries over a tray holding large jars of pickled eggs and sour pickles and large bowls of salted peanuts and pretzels. He sets the try on the table, “On the house. I’m looking forward to the second act.” Legos walks back to bar and flicks on the large screen TV. He stares at it and turns up the volume.

I’m Marcy Stankowski, Channel 7 Flash News Reporter, standing in front of the Women’s Correctional Facility. This is breaking news, Stella Romano, arrested last week as an accomplice to stealing the warden’s car has been released from prison. The DA says, Romano didn’t steal the car from the warden, she was borrowing it from her boyfriend, Lenny Santoro, who bought it from a used car salesman he described as being dressed in an orange jump suit. Santoro said he paid three-hundred dollars for the car and the salesman gave him free oil changes and tire rotations for a year. Excuse me for laughing. Police are checking with men’s clothing stores and area used car dealer to see what company requires salespeople to wear orange jump suits. Everyone at Channel 7 Flash News hopes the police track down the poor fashion taste car thief. More information coming on this breaking story on the ten o’clock news.

Tuna, Tina, Nick, and Legos stare at Tony and Joey. Joey looks down at his orange jumpsuit.

Tony says, “Do you think Stella will take me back?”

Leave a Reply