🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Bogey Gets a Neighborhood Lesson – Oh! Oh!



Nick glances at Bogey, “I don’t get the name. It sounds like booger. You know what a booger is? Why would your mom name you after something everybody blows out their nose?”

Bogey says, “The names not Booger, it’s Bogey. You ever hear of Bogart? He played Marlowe in the movies. Marlow was a hard boiled, hard noise PI. He didn’t take nothing from nobody. Bogey’s the name and catching crooks is Bogey’s game.”

Nick looks at Tina, “Tinzi, who’s Bogart? I never heard of him. You ever hear of this Marlowe dude?”

Tina says, “How should I know? He’s probably talking like years ago when the movies was in black and white.”

Tony says, “How does he chug-a-lug cheap beer with a toothpick in his mouth. I never seen that done before.”

Bogey stands up, “Bogey’s willing to give a piece of the reward to anybody who helps me catch the Dollar Store bandits. You guys look like you could use ten bucks.”

Nick says, “From what I hear, the Dollar Store bandits are pretty good guys. They steal from the rich and help the poor.”

“How do you know so much about the Dollar Store bandits,” says Bogey.

Tony jumps in, “It’s common knowledge. All you got to do is read the paper.”

“Good one, Tony,” says Nick.


The door to The Lucky Canary opens. A short grey headed guy with a twenty-year-old golfing cap and thick rimmed black plastic glasses shuffles in. He stops looks at the bar, nods to Legos and points to the ceiling lights. He tips his hat to Roxie who blows him a kiss. He turns and shuffles over to the corner table.

Legos flicks all the ceiling lights on.

Bogey says, “What’s with the old guy? Why’s that skinny guy who likes the blues singer pulling out the old guy’s chair?”

Legos says, “I don’t have time to play trivial pursuit with you.”

Legos hustles over to the corner table with an expensive bottle of red wine. He nods to the Tuna, and fills Tuna’s crystal wine glass, one-quarter full. Legos whispers, “He calls himself Bogey and claims he’s a PI. He’s out to get the Dollar Store bandits.”

The Tuna smiles and nods.

“What are we gonna do, Tuna? Booger says he hot on the trail of the Dollar Store bandits. I can’t afford jail time. I’m in love with Roxie,” says Tony.

The Tuna swirls his wine, lifts it to his large nose and sniffs. The Tuna takes a sip takes a sip, savors the taste and then swallows the wine and gives Legos a thumbs up. He turns slightly toward the bar, “Good choice, Legos.”

Legos gives a salute and goes back to reading the paper.

Bogey says, “Hey, old timer, you wanna make a little extra cash for bingo night? Tell Bogey what you know about the Dollar Store bandits.”

Tina’s out of her chair, icepick in hand. The Tuna touches her forearm, “Easy beautiful broad. It’s all gonna work out. I heard the fool was here and I been hearing he’s been asking around about the Dollar Store bandits.”

Tina sits down, “If you have to do time, Tuna, I’ll come in for conjugal visits on the days Maria can’t make it.”

The Tuna fills Tina shot glass, “Toss it down, beautiful broad. It’ll steady your nerves.” The Tuna speaks to Tony and Nick in Italian, “Bogey acts like a heavyweight, but he’s a lightweight. Little Jimmy Realto is giving him a neighborhood lesson as we talk.”

Nick answers in Italian. He says, “You talking about Hot wire, Jimmy? Or, chop shop Jimmy?”

The Tuna continuing in Italian, says, “Hot Wire Jimmy and Chop Shop Jimmy are the same guy. In twenty minutes, Bogey’s Hunyadi is heading back to Korea in pieces.”

Bogey nods to Legos, “They talking in Yiddish? Bogey can’t tell the difference between Yiddish and Polish.”

Legos thinks Bogey is slower than a snail trying to make it across the street. Legos, whose real name is Tito Martini, speaks Italian, says, “I think it Arabic.”

Bogey turns his head and stares at the table, “Should Bogey call the FBI, let them know there’s a terrorist cell meeting at The Lucky Canary?”

Legos doesn’t want the FBI within ten miles of The Lucky Canary. He says, “I stand corrected, “They’re speaking Polish. I get the two confused.”

“Makes sense in this neighborhood,” says Bogey. He turns his attention to the table. He calls over, “Bogey’s got a hunch the five of you at the table know more than your saying and when Bogey has a hunch, Bogey plays a hunch.”

Legos looks up from the newspaper, “What I tell you about talking in third person? It’s not allowed in here. I’m shutting off the cheap beer.”

Bogeys says, “Bogey was just leaving. Bogey’s going down the street to Lena’s. Bogey’s hears they get a higher quality crowd.”

Bogey stands up and gives a poor imitation of a rooster strutting as he walks toward the door. He steps out of The Lucky Canary.

Tony starts to speak. The Tuna shakes his head. Five seconds later the door to The Lucky Canary swings open, “Okay, who stole my Hunyadi?” hollers Bogey.

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