“This is the thing, Tuna. Do you want to hear the first thing, the second thing, or the third thing? Or, do want to hear the second thing first, the third thing . . .”
The Tuna touches Tina’s forearm, “Show Joey the ice pick.”
Tina pulls the ice pick out of her handbag and points it at Joey. “The Tuna gives me the word, I’m gonna slide my ice pick right between your third and fourth ribs.”
“That doesn’t make sense. Ribs is something you buy at a barbeque,” says Joey.
Tina turns to the Tuna, “Want me show him? I’ll only make a little prick. There won’t be hardly any blood.”
“I like your style, beautiful broad. If Joey’s wasting my time, he’s yours.”
Joey starts sucking both thumbs.
Nick says, “Joey only sucks both thumbs when he is scared. Tell him, Tuna, Tinzi won’t use him for a dart board.”
The Tuna nods. “Joey, nobody is gonna hurt you. Start with number three, go to number one, and then go to number two.”
Tony glances up. Who has to do number two?”
“Go back to doing what you’re doing,” says the Tuna.
“You wanna hear some of the stuff I wrote? It’s really good stuff. Since I moved out of my mom’s apartment, I decided to become a song writer. The job you got me doing as a city inspector goes perfect with it since I don’t have to work and I still get paid.”
Roxie taps Legos forearm, “What kind of place is going to pay Tony for working when he don’t work?”
Legos says, “The city.”
“Oh,” says Roxie.
Nick turns toward Tony, “What kind of songs you writing?”
“Everything I’m writing is for Roxie. I don’t care if I make any money. Roxie’s got a voice like an angel. When she sings my heart plays like Luigi Scobarto when he’s playing the accordian at a wedding,” says Tony.
Roxie nods toward Legos, “Is he dangerous? Should I get one of those orders that makes him stay at least one-hundred yards away?”
Legos pretends he is wiping a beer glass. He whispers, “Tony doesn’t have a violent bone in his body. When he falls, he falls hard. He doesn’t fall halfway. I seen him act this way before. His engine is only purring, you haven’t seen anything yet.”
Meanwhile, back at the table, Joey says, “When I took the warden’s car, I got on Route 24 and started heading toward the neighborhood. I got behind a black limo. I was thinking there’s a celeb in the black limo and maybe I can get an autograph and put it on the Internet and make some extra cash.”
Nick butts in, “I got a better idea, Joey. I’ll sign a celeb’s name on a Lucky Canary napkin, it will be worth a lot more because the celeb was at The Lucky Canary when he signed it.”
“Joey was talking to me,” says the Tuna.
“Oh,” says Nick. “I was just trying to help.”
Tony says, “Roxie, you wanna hear a song I wrote for you? I think you can make number one on the charts. I’ll give you the words, you figure out the music. You and me are gonna be maybe like Adele and Jagger. Maybe like Gaga and Lil Wayne.”
Roxie turns toward Legos, “What’s he talking about? He’s not making any sense?”
“You’re getting an idea of what I go through every day,” says Legos.
Roxie looks at Tony, “Okay, let me hear the first two lines.”
Tina says, “A little stick, that’s all it’ll take, and you can talk with Joey.”
The Tuna says, “Let him have the stage.”
Tony holds up the napkin and reads, “I watch you come in here, day after day. You sit at the bar, You ain’t having no fun. I walk through the door, your heart say he’s the one.”
Roxie looks at Legos, “That’s not bad.”
“Can I come and sit at the bar next to you? You don’t have to talk to me. I only wanna be near you,” begs Tony.
Roxie says, “No.”
“I wasn’t asking no question, those was the words to the next three lines,” says Tony.
Roxie glances at Legos, “He might have something.”
Tony says, “Can I keep working on my song?”
“Yah. I want to hear it when you’re all finished,” says Roxie.
Tony leaps out of his seat. He stands on the chair. He holds up a can of cheap beer and says, “A toast to the greatest singer of all time. Greater than Gaga. Greater than Sinatra. Greater than Bennett. Greater than Luccini.”
“Who’s Luccini?” asks Legos.
Tony says, “Marco Luccini. He sang at everybody’s wedding and funeral until he stopped paying his vig. Now, he’s singing with the fishes.” Tony faces Roxie, “Roxie, I’m gonna marry you when you’re ready. You don’t have to decide now, tonight will be fine.”
“Dear God,” says Roxie. She looks at Legos, “I think I better start going to church. My karma’s all messed up.”