Meanwhile, Back at The Lucky Canary . . .
The Tuna points to Joey and says, “Tone, tell me how you are doing with your new job.”
Tony says, “It’s the best job I ever had, Tune. Mario Fanetti don’t pay no attention to when I come to work or when I leave. I pick up a clip board and go inspect.”
Tina says, “What do you inspect?”
“This, that, and the other thing,” says Tony.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What is this, that, and the other thing?” asks Tina.
Roxie taps Lego’s forearm, “Does Tony really have a job with the city?”
Legos says, “This is where our tax dollars go.”
Tony says, “When I finish this, I do that. What I finish that, I do this again.”
“What about the other thing?” asks Tina.
“What other thing?” asks Tony.
“The other thing you’re supposed to do,” says Tina.
“Oh. I don’t have to do the other thing if I get this and that done. If there’s no this or that, that’s when I got to do the other thing,” says Tony.
Tina refills her shot glass and knocks it back.
Roxie takes a long pull from Johnnie Walker. She says, “Did the city advertise for this job?”
Legos says, “This is one of those unadvertised jobs that only insiders know about.”
Roxie says, “Do you mean by insiders, the Tuna pulled in a favor?”
Legos says, “I didn’t say that. The Tuna never asks anybody to do him a favor.” Legos rolls his eyes.
Roxie says, “Did Tony interview?”
Legos says, “You serious?”
“What’s he really do?” asks Roxie.
Legos says, “From what I hear, Tony inspects.”
“I get that part. What does he inspect?” asks Roxie.
“Pretty much what the Tuna wants him to inspect,” says Legos.
“I thought Tony worked for the city?” says Roxie.
Legos starts laughing.
The Tuna says, “Sounds like your job, Tone, is working out pretty good.”
Roxie says to Legos, “I don’t know what Tony is talking about. How does the Tuna know what Tony is talking about?”
Legos says, “They got a special bond and communicate on a level mere mortals only see in sci fi movies.”
“Oh,” says Roxie.
The Tuna says, “Did you inspect the other thing like I asked you?
Tony nods, then says, “I never seen a bigger house. It must have a zillion rooms. There is a garden with a pond behind the house and they got these huge white ducks swimming in there. I never seen no ducks that big. They gotta be on steroids.”
The Tuna says, “I think you mean swans.”
“What’s a swan,” says Tony.
Legos calls over, “A swan is a really, really big white duck.”
“Oh,” says Tony.
“Thanks, Legos,” says the Tuna.
“What else did you see?” asks the Tuna. “You see any dogs?”
“The maid who let me in told me they don’t have no dogs because Mrs. Van Worthington don’t like animal hairs. Know what else the Van Worthington’s don’t like?” asks Tony.
The Tuna nods as if to say keep on talking. The maid, she’s from Puerto Rico. I think that’s near Texas. She told me the Van Worthington’s don’t like people with brown skin, black skin, yellow skin, or white skin.”
Nick says, “What color skin they got?”
Tony says, “The maid, her name’s Con … uh, Con . . ., uh, Con, I can’t announce it. So, I’m call her Connie.
Legos interrupts, “You mean pronounce.”
“She’s not a pro. She’s a nice lady,” says Tony.
Legos rolls his eyes.
Tony continues, “She talks so fast, it’s hard for me to keep up, that’s why I call her Connie so I don’t confuse nobody.”
Roxie asks Legos, “You following this?”
Legos says, “I’m not even close.”
Tony continues, “Connie hears the Van Worthington’s saying the country should kick everybody out but the rich people. Connie’s afraid they’re gonna send her back to Puerto Rico. I told her not to worry, I got a friend in Texas who can help her.”
“You got a friend in Texas?” asks Nick.
“I don’t know nobody in Texas. I was trying to make her feel better,” says Tony. He continues, “Then she told me, the Van Worthington’s don’t like pizza, raviolis, or pepperoni and they think all Italians are in the mafia. That’s only most of us, right, Tuna?”