🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ The Tuna Claims the Mafia is a TV Myth



The Tuna says, “The mafia is a TV myth they made up for high ratings. There’s no such thing. It makes for good movies and books and stuff like that.”

Nick says, “I didn’t know that. I always thought you was the Godfather in this neighborhood.”

The Tuna waves off Nick’s comment. He says, “I don’t know how that rumor started. I’m Rocky Flamingo’s godfather, but that was because I was at his baptism.”

Roxie says to Legos, “The Tuna’s not the Godfather?”

Legos says, “The Tuna admits to nothing. It’s why he’s out instead of in. He’s very careful what he says and who he says it to.”

“What else did Connie tell you?” asks the Tuna.

“She told me Wilson Van Worthington, that’s the husband. I never heard of a name like that. It’s like he has three last names. He probably didn’t know where to sit in school. Does he sit where Wilson should sit. Maybe he should sit where Van sits. If that doesn’t work, he always got Worthington. Connie told me she heard a worker comes in and doesn’t call his mister, Van Worthington got so mad he fired him on the spot. She says he’s a real bad piece of work.”

“Okay, what else did you inspect?” asks the Tuna. “Did you tip Connie like I told you?”

“I gave her all five one-hundred dollar bills,” says Tony. “She tucked them into her bra and asks me what I need to inspect. I showed her my list, “Wall safes, alarm systems, cameras, locks, hidden keys, and the combinations to the doors and alarm system. She was very helpful.”

“Did you get her address so you could send her a thank you card?” asks the Tuna.

Tony nods and says, “I got her address and phone number. She told me to call if I need more information. Did I do good?”

“You did good, Tone. You did real good,” says the Tuna

“What’s the deal with these snobs?” says Tina.

The Tuna sips his wine, “My cousin, Alfonso, told me a story about the Van Worthington’s that made me take an interest in them and I think we can take care of a couple of problems at the same time.”

“What’s the story, Tuna?” asks Nick.

“This is what they did,” says the Tuna.

Legos and Roxie carry their drinks over to the table and pull up a chair.

The Tuna nods to Tina and then nods at his shot glass. Tina fills the Tuna’s shot glass then refills her shot glass with Jack Daniels like she and Tuna are a well-rehearsed synchronized swim team. Tina and the Tuna lift their shot glasses, clink, and toss it back. They close their eyes and feel the burn lighting it up from the back of the mouth into their bellies.

Tuna nods at Tina, “Thanks, beautiful broad. I needed something stronger to tell this story. The Tuna glances at Legos, “When’s the last time you had this place swept for bugs?”

Joey perks up, “If you get me the poison, I’ll spray for bugs for free. I seen the bug man spray for bugs at Bridgewater. They spray once a week, so we don’t have bed bugs, lice, crabs, ticks, ants, spiders . . .”

The Tuna says, “Joey, enough.”

“Opps,” says Joey.

Legos says, “The Lucky Canary is bug free, not like some places on the street.”

“Thanks, Legos,” says the Tuna. He turns his attention to the table, “My cousin, Alfonso, comes over for Sunday dinner.”

“What did Maria make, Tune. She’s a great cook,” says Tony.

“I do not want interruptions, Tone. You gotta interrupt, you gotta go outside. You understand?” says Tuna.

Tony nods and puts a palm over his mouth.

The Tuna says, “Alfonso comes over for Sunday dinner, and we’re talking about this, that, and the other thing. It so happens that one of the things that Alfonso talks about is this Van Worthington guy. I trust Alfonso because he got the information straight from his brother Paulo who goes by Paul because he works in the investment business and he handles Van Worthington’s investments. Alfono’s last name is Alberti, when Paulo dropped the o off Paulo to become Paul, he dropped the I off of Alberti to become Albert. Alfonso’s brother is legally Paul Albert. I don’t like the fact he changed his name, but I understand. He’s a good guy and does favors for people in the neighborhood.

“To make a long story short, Alfonso and Paul meet over breakfast and Paul starts telling him about Van Worthington. He tells Alfonso he’d like to dump him as a client but can’t because the guys got so much political clout he’ll get Paul tossed out of the investment business or worse, maybe make up something and have him tossed in jail.”

“Tuna, let me have five minutes with him, maybe I only need three minutes or maybe two,” says Nick.

“Let me slide the ice pick into him, he won’t feel it,” says Tina.

Tony says something, but it’s muffled because his hand is over his mouth.

“I didn’t get to the worse part. Van Worthington put together this group of very well known rich people and they are buying up all the cheap apartments on the south side. That’s where the Puerto Ricans and blacks and Jamaicans live. He’s raising their rent so high, they can’t pay. His lawyers gets eviction notices and they’re having the people tossed out.”

“Why’s he doing that, Tune,” says Tone taking his palm away from his mouth.

The Tuna says, “He’s gonna tear down the apartments and put in fancy bistros and coffee shops and he’s gonna convert the area into high end condos and sell them for a huge profit.”

“We gonna take him out, Tuna?” asks Nick.

“That’s a crime, you boys know we don’t commit no crimes. You never know if a cockroach slips through the bug man didn’t get,” says the Tuna.

Tina says, “I need practice, Tuna. Let me slip the ice pick between his ribs and heart. Boom, he’s gone, problem solved.”

“Thanks for the offer, beautiful broad. I’m thinking of something more subtle and more profitable,” says the Tuna.

“What are you thinking, Tuna?” asks Joey. “Can I get in on it?”

The Tuna says, “You got a part to play, Joey. I’m gonna need you to heist a car and get back to Bridgewater and ask Charlie to do me a favor. This is what I am thinking.”

Leave a Reply