🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Tony Thinks the Tuna is Mad


The Tuna is staring up Riverside Drive. Nick is Staring down Riverside Drive. The Tuna says, “Where’s Tone? You got any ideas?”

Nick, always wanting to please the Tuna, but having no idea how, says, “Tony could be where he thinks he should be, which is where he shouldn’t bthe e. If he is where he shouldn’t be, it could be in the rear of a police cruiser, or in a bagel shop. You didn’t tell him anything about sitting in a cruiser or buying a bagel. Tony got a mobilism that never shuts down. One time I seen him eat one of Caruso’s family size pizzas all by himself. He don’t put on weight. Food goes right through him like he’s got diarhinos. You don’t want to go to the toilet for like three or four hours after him.”

The Tuna wonders how Legos has the patience to keep correcting Nick, Tony, and Joey. Tuna is not quite sure where to start. If the Tuna tells Nick the correct words are diarrhea and metabolism, Nick will try to correct him. It’s an endearing quality how the two of them protect each other. It also drives the Tuna nuts. The Tuna starts to speak when . . .

“Tuna, Tuna, here comes Tony. I starting to jones a bagel. I hope he got me a pumpernickel bagel with a big schmear of cream cheese. Thems the best.”

The Toyota screeches to a halt in front of the Tuna and Nick. The Tuna gets into the passenger side. Nick slides into the rear seat. The Tuna looks at Tony and says, “What are you doing without a shirt on? And where is your fedora and your eyeglasses with the fake nose?”

Tony pulls away from the curb and heads up Riverside Drive.

“You gonna tell me what was going on?” says the Tuna with enough of an edge to send a shiver through Tony.

“You didn’t call me, Tone, Tune. You never been this mad at me. You gonna banish me from The Lucky Canary or dump my pitiful body in the bay?”

The Tuna looks at the fragile piece of work sitting next to him and says, “I am not mad. I want to know what happened. Why don’t you have a shirt on? Where are the Fedora and the eyeglasses with a fake nose from the dollar store?”

Tony says, “Can I go through Santoro’s and get a meatball sub? When I get nervous, I got to eat.”

“You didn’t go to the bagel shop? Man, I’m starving. My stomach got the growls,” says Nick.

The Tuna partially turns his head towards the rear seat, “You wanna walk back to the neighborhood?”

“Opps,” says Nick.

“Talk, Tone,” says the Tuna.

“Thanks for calling me Tone, Tune. As soon as I pull out, a cop stops me, right here on Riverside Drive. I wasn’t doing nothing wrong. I can’t figure it. Good thing I know the drill. I purposely keep the windows dirty so the cops can’t see inside. This is really smart as you will see. I was wearing the Dollar Store bandits T-shirt. I had my fedora and fake eyeglasses with my fake nose on. I figure this is not a good look when the cop walks up to talk to me. I take off the fedora and fake eyeglasses with the plastic nose and toss them on the passenger seat. I take off my T-shirt and stick it under the seat. I roll the window down and put my hands at the ten and two position and wait for the cop that’s where knowing the drill comes in handy.”

“Good thinking Tony,” says Nick perched between Tony and the Tuna.

Tony nods and continues, “The cop comes near the window and asks me if I know my windows are so dirty that he can’t see inside and if he can’t see inside it means I can’t see outside. I tell the cop I am heading to the car wash over on Gillespie. I know this because that car wash is open twenty-four seven. The cop peeks inside the car and sees the fedora and dark rimmed glasses. He asks me what the fedora and dark rimmed glasses are doing on my seat. I says I saw a guy wearing the fedora and the glasses mug an old lady and grab her purse. I chased him, and he tossed his fedora and fake glasses with the plastic nose. I grabbed them for evidence since I seen the news about the Dollar Store bandits. I told the cope I was going to take them to the police station after I went to the car wash. He could have them, if he wanted to take them in. The cops says thanks and asks me if I can give him a description of the guy who mugged the old lady. I give him Bogey’s description. He tells me he wishes everyone was like me and to drive safely. How do I do, Tune. Did I do okay?”

The Tuna nods and says, “Let’s head to Santoro’s, you did good.”

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