23
The Tuna is staring up Riverside Drive. Nick is Staring down Riverside Drive. The Tuna says, âWhereâs Tone? You got any ideas?â
Nick, always wanting to please the Tuna, but having no idea how, says, âTony could be where he thinks he should be, which is where he shouldnât bthe e. If he is where he shouldnât be, it could be in the rear of a police cruiser, or in a bagel shop. You didnât tell him anything about sitting in a cruiser or buying a bagel. Tony got a mobilism that never shuts down. One time I seen him eat one of Carusoâs family size pizzas all by himself. He donât put on weight. Food goes right through him like heâs got diarhinos. You donât want to go to the toilet for like three or four hours after him.â
The Tuna wonders how Legos has the patience to keep correcting Nick, Tony, and Joey. Tuna is not quite sure where to start. If the Tuna tells Nick the correct words are diarrhea and metabolism, Nick will try to correct him. Itâs an endearing quality how the two of them protect each other. It also drives the Tuna nuts. The Tuna starts to speak when . . .
âTuna, Tuna, here comes Tony. I starting to jones a bagel. I hope he got me a pumpernickel bagel with a big schmear of cream cheese. Thems the best.â
The Toyota screeches to a halt in front of the Tuna and Nick. The Tuna gets into the passenger side. Nick slides into the rear seat. The Tuna looks at Tony and says, âWhat are you doing without a shirt on? And where is your fedora and your eyeglasses with the fake nose?â
Tony pulls away from the curb and heads up Riverside Drive.
âYou gonna tell me what was going on?â says the Tuna with enough of an edge to send a shiver through Tony.
âYou didnât call me, Tone, Tune. You never been this mad at me. You gonna banish me from The Lucky Canary or dump my pitiful body in the bay?â
The Tuna looks at the fragile piece of work sitting next to him and says, âI am not mad. I want to know what happened. Why donât you have a shirt on? Where are the Fedora and the eyeglasses with a fake nose from the dollar store?â
Tony says, âCan I go through Santoroâs and get a meatball sub? When I get nervous, I got to eat.â
âYou didnât go to the bagel shop? Man, Iâm starving. My stomach got the growls,â says Nick.
The Tuna partially turns his head towards the rear seat, âYou wanna walk back to the neighborhood?â
âOpps,â says Nick.
âTalk, Tone,â says the Tuna.
âThanks for calling me Tone, Tune. As soon as I pull out, a cop stops me, right here on Riverside Drive. I wasnât doing nothing wrong. I canât figure it. Good thing I know the drill. I purposely keep the windows dirty so the cops canât see inside. This is really smart as you will see. I was wearing the Dollar Store bandits T-shirt. I had my fedora and fake eyeglasses with my fake nose on. I figure this is not a good look when the cop walks up to talk to me. I take off the fedora and fake eyeglasses with the plastic nose and toss them on the passenger seat. I take off my T-shirt and stick it under the seat. I roll the window down and put my hands at the ten and two position and wait for the cop thatâs where knowing the drill comes in handy.â
âGood thinking Tony,â says Nick perched between Tony and the Tuna.
Tony nods and continues, âThe cop comes near the window and asks me if I know my windows are so dirty that he canât see inside and if he canât see inside it means I canât see outside. I tell the cop I am heading to the car wash over on Gillespie. I know this because that car wash is open twenty-four seven. The cop peeks inside the car and sees the fedora and dark rimmed glasses. He asks me what the fedora and dark rimmed glasses are doing on my seat. I says I saw a guy wearing the fedora and the glasses mug an old lady and grab her purse. I chased him, and he tossed his fedora and fake glasses with the plastic nose. I grabbed them for evidence since I seen the news about the Dollar Store bandits. I told the cope I was going to take them to the police station after I went to the car wash. He could have them, if he wanted to take them in. The cops says thanks and asks me if I can give him a description of the guy who mugged the old lady. I give him Bogeyâs description. He tells me he wishes everyone was like me and to drive safely. How do I do, Tune. Did I do okay?â
The Tuna nods and says, âLetâs head to Santoroâs, you did good.â