🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Nick is Trying to Teach Dog to Use the Toilet


The next afternoon at The Lucky Canary . . .

Roxie is sitting at the bar. Legos is reading the Herald sports section, otherwise the place is empty. Roxie says, “Legos, where’s the corner table?”

Legos looks up from the Herald and glances toward the corner table. He knocks on the bar, “Let’s hope it stays that way. My brain needs a rest.”

Exactly seventeen point four seconds later, the door to The Lucky Canary opens. Tony steps in, stops, looks at the bar, take out his iPhone and aims it at Roxie, “I wants to member you like this for the rest of my life. You are more beautiful than a sizzling pizza. You melt my heart faster than a microwave melts Velveeta to put on top of chips.”

Roxie partially turns to Legos, “How do I answer? I’ve never been compared to a pizza or Velveeta.”

Tony walks toward the table going gaga at Roxie’s photo. Ten seconds later, Nick steps in holding on Dog’s leash. “Seat, Dog.”

Legos says, “You mean sit, Dog.”

Tony says, “Don’t confuse Dog. He’s not that smart. I’m taking him to dog school.”

Legos looks at Dog lying on the floor, “Dog learn anything?”

Nick says, “I asks the teach if she can teach Dog to go to use the toilet. I hate picking the stuff up when we goes for a walk. Dog only likes to drink out of the toilet.”

Nick sticks his hand in his pants pocket, pulls out a stick of beef jerky, he holds it in front of Dog’s face. Dog stands up and barks. Nick heads toward the table, Dog follows. Nick sits down. Dog sits and stares up at Nick. Nick breaks off a piece of beef jerky and drops it to Dog.

The door to The Lucky Canary opens for third time in ninety seconds. Tina walks in with the Tuna. She has her arm in Tuna’s arm. Tuna looks up at the lights. Legos gets the message and turns all the lights on high.

Roxie says, “Legos, what’s going on?”

Legos says, “Something is going on. I don’t know what it is, but it is something. If Joey shows up in the next twenty minutes . . .

Tina and Tuna make it to the table. Tony holds the chair out for the Tuna. Nick holds the chair for Tina. Tina and Tuna slide in in. Tuna waves at Legos.

Legos says, “Coming up.” Legos starts putting together drinks for the table. He adds a bowl of salted peanuts, jar of pickled eggs and jar of dill pickles to the tray along with two cheap beers, a crystal wine glass, his most expensive red wine, a shot glass and a full bottle of Jack Daniels. Before Legos can lift the tray, the door to The Lucky Canary opens.

In walks the orange jump suit clad Joey. Joey stops, “Blues broad, don’t make me sing the blues. Tell me you dream of me and count the minutes till I skip out of Bridgewater hoping for a conjugal visit.”

Roxie looks at Legos, “Ten minutes earlier, life was peaceful. Life was good. What happened?”

Legos whispers, “We live in bizarro world.” He gives Joey a look and says, “Where’d you park the warden’s car?”

“How’d you know I snitched the warden’s car? Somebody rat me out?”

Legos says, “You always heist the warden’s car.”

Joey says, “You think I’m getting predictable?”

“It was a lucky guess,” says Legos.

Joey says, “Thanks. I was gonna park the warden’s car in front of the fire hydrant in  front of Lena’s but I couldn’t because there’s tons of cars and mobile TV crews around. There was even three news copters flying overhead. So, I took the warden’s car to DeSalvo’s salvage lot. It’s probably already been stripped for parts. I got seven hundred bucks for it.”

“You sold the warden’s car to No Neck DeSalvo?” asks Legos.

“Uh huh. I finally figured out how to commit the perfect crime. My only problem is that I only got eighteen more months to serve at Bridgewater. I don’t know what to do after they let me go because I am model prisoner.”

Roxie says, “Where’s Johnnie Walker. I promised myself not start drinking until seven. I can’t wait any longer.”

Legos walks over to the door, steps outside, comes back in, “Joey’s right. There must be ten police cars blocking the street at Lena’s. They blocked off this end of the street, nobody can get through. I wonder what’s going on. Maybe a shooting. That’s possible with the crowd she attracts.” Legos hopes the Tuna picks up on the lead and starts talking. Legos sees the Tuna’s hand in this, although he can’t prove it.

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