The Tuna glances at the wall clock. The yellow canary’s right wing is pointing to the twelve. And, its shorter left wing is pointing to the three.
Legos picks up on the suggestion, “Tuna, you want me to turn on Channel 4? Maybe the hot newscasting broad will be on with breaking news.”
The Tuna smiles and nods.
Legos picks up the remote, turns toward the TV and changes the channel from ESPBN to Channel 4.
On cue, the hot flash news reporter, Marcy Stankowski shows up wearing an over the knees tight black skirt and red silk blouse a size or two too small says, “I’m Marcy Stankowski for Channel 4 Flash News. We’re the first, the foremost, and the fastest with breaking news.”
Tony interrupts with a whistle. He hollers, “I’m in love with you, Marcy, Roxie got my heart but she’s playing it cool. There’s still a chance for you.”
The Tuna gives Tony the look.
“Opps,” says Tony.
Marcy Stankowski say, “I’ve got breaking news on two, maybe three, it could be four or one major stories. I’m so excited I don’t know where to begin.”
Marcy puts her right hand to her ear, “Uh huh. Uh huh. Start at the beginning? But I don’t remember which one came in first. Okey dokey, go alphabetically. I got a problem. I think they all start with the, what do I do? . . . Un huh, you sure? They never taught me that in school. I must have cut class that day. Oh, I’m on air? Opps. I got it . . . I’m back folks. A little confusion at the station. The first breaking news. The police are surrounding Lena’s Bar and Grill on Spring Street. I’ve been to Lena’s and I wouldn’t give it 5 forks. I think Lena uses jar sauce for the pizza. … What’s that. Oh, get to the story. I’m gonna see how close I can get. My mom always said, ‘If the toast is hot, put butter on it.’ Huh, leave breakfast out of it? . . . Okay. The cops got a a car in front of Lena’s Bar and Grill surrounded. I think it’s the Bridgewater warden’s car. … I, me, Marcy Stankowski, who wants a shot at the big time and I am available for an interview . . , huh, what’s that, keep my personal life out of the news? Okey, dokey. I got an inside tip the cops nabbed the Dollar Store bandit leader and his female assistant. Just like Brenda and Clyde or was it Belinda and Conan? . . . Oh, okey dokey. . . . Just like Bonnie and Clove. The leader, wearing his trademark fedora and black rim plastic glasses with a fake nose kept hollering ‘Bogey is innocent. Bogey is innocent . . . Oh yeah, like I believe that. The other bandit is Stella Romano. You remember her. She has a neighborhood rep as a bad broad . . . huh, keep the personal stuff out of it . . . Okay. Stella Romana was recently arrested and released for stealing the warden’s car from the Bridgewater minimum security prison. She talked and jiggled her way out of that one. I want to see if she can jiggle her way out of . . . huh, keep my feelings about Stella Romano to myself. But, she was hitting on my main squeeze two months ago. He’s not my main squeeze anymore since I dumped him for an upgrade. Okay. I like my job . . . Well, Stella’s been a bad girl and working on the side as a Dollar Store bandit. She was even wearing the disguise when the police busted her. I say good riddance to this Bonnie and Chlamydia crime team.
Now, for the next biggie news flesh, opps, I mean news flush. Opps, I mean news flash. I’ve got proof in this large envelop that was given to me today by an anonymous source over coffee and bagels and girl talk and it is going to take down one yucky, baddy in the city. My source gave me this large envelop filled with photos showing Mr. Smarty pants has been cheating on his wife who is a big deal in the art world. When I say cheating, I’m mean it is really very, very, bad. I can’t show you all of photos unless I am sure you are over eighteen. (Marcy pauses for five seconds). Okay, I think you’re all over eighteen. Take a look at the rich guy kissing his high class escort. Mr. rich pants is none other than Wilson Van Worthington of Worthington Industries. Here’s another photo of them entering Van Worthington’s condo. Hey Mrs. Van Worthington did you know your hubby was doing some extra curricular activity? . . . Oh, get on with the breaking news . . . Here’s another photo . . . Oh, put it away? Why? It’s only partially nudity. . . . Yes, I like my job . . . Okay, I won’t show it. I also got a video of Van Worthington giving the escort counterfeit cash for his session, if that’s what they call it. They escort was so upset she turned the counterfeit cash over to super cop, Reilly. Van Worthington’s going down, down, down for a long time. In a story tied to this, the cops got a search warrant for Van Worthington’s mansion and I hear he’s got enough counterfeit cash in his safe to stuff a turkey. Now I know how he makes money. He makes it himself. He’s going down, down, down.
The last story comes from the Bridgewater minimum security prison. The warden’s car was stolen twice today. The first time it was replaced with a hearse. Not a bad deal, warden. I’d take it. Not to worry warden, it’s parked in front of Lena’s. The second car hasn’t been returned yet. I gotta go, the police want the photos and voice recording of Van Worthington. This is Marcy Stankowski signing off. … Do I have time to have my nails done. … Oh, we’re still on air.”
The Tuna turns back to the table. “I gotta thank the beautiful broad for meeting with Marcy and bringing her the goods. I gotta thank Nick and Tony for the photos and video you took of that slimy rat. Three people not here I got to thank. One is Yvonne for giving it up to send this slime bag to jail. Not to worry, Yvonne was compensated with real dough. Joey, when you go back to Bridgewater, tell Charlie, the parole board will approve his parole petition. You thank him for me for making the rush job of counterfeit cash. Last, I got to thank the best cop in the city, Reilly for making the bust on the Dollar Store bandits and getting the search warrant for Van Worthington’s safe.”
Tony says, “I thought we were the D . . .”
“Don’t say it, Tone.”
Roxie glances at Legos, “How does the Tuna do it?”
Legos says, “The Tuna is the man. One of a kind. How he does it, even NASA can’t figure out.”
Over at the table.
The Tuna glances at Nick, “You set a date to marry the beautiful broad?”
“Take me away with you, Tuna. Give me the crumbs off the table. I just wanna be with you,” says Tina.
The Tuna says, “Maria will have something to say about that.”
On the TV Marcy Stankowski says, “I’m back, did you miss me? Here’s a live shot of the leader of the Dollar Store bandits being taken into police custody.. I’m going to see if he’ll answer my questions: “Sir, why are you trying to frame Bogey? Bogey’s been dead for years. What’s your real name?”
Bogey turning to the camera’s, says, “Bogey’s innocent. Bogey’s been framed. Bogey’s not happy. Bogey want’s his court appointed lawyer.”
The Lucky Canary rocks with laughter.