The Tuna sips his wine, turns slightly toward Tina, “Beautiful broad, it’s gonna be touch and go. You hang around with these guys long enough you begin to think like them, then you talk like them, pretty soon, you start acting like them.”
“How do you keep it together, Tuna. What’s your secret?” asks Tina.
The Tuna slaps the table, “Ha, my secret weapon is Maria. She does an exorcism on me once a week with incense. The one thing I don’t like is she sprinkles my head with ground fish bones. I got to shower as soon as she is finished.”
Nick says, “Joey, I think you got it wrong. Guiseppe comes home from playing bocci and finds Amelia in bed with Mikey Morani. He pulls a gun and kills Mikey and Amelia dies of a heart attack.”
Tony says, “You got that wrong, Nick, that was Antonio Rigali who come home and caught Mikey Morano in bed with his wife Josephine. Except, Josephine said, Mickey was freezing cold and she was doing mission work by keeping him warm.”
Tina touches Tuna’s arm, “Are any of these stories true?”
Tuna nods and says, “For the most part, there’s truth in all of them.”
“What’s wrong with the people in this neighborhood?” asks Tina.
“Beautiful broad, even the best minds from Harvard can’t figure that one out,” says the Tuna.
Joey gets into the weather conversation. He says, “I member the great wind. It was bad but it was nothing like the great three-day snowstorm that lasted for a week. Member that? We got piles of snow so high they was higher than Lucky Mosconi and he’s always high.”
Tina says, “I’m getting a headache.”
“Want me rub your temples?” asks Nick.
“Don’t you touch me until you tell me you have my Christmas present,” says Tina.
“Is this a regular headache or you know?” asks Nick.
“Or, I know what? If you are going to say what I think you are going to say, you can sleep at Tony’s tonight,” says Tina.
Tony says, “Nick can’t sleep over tonight. Me and Roxie are going home together.”
The Tuna touches Tina’s forearm, nods to his shot glass, then says, “I stand corrected. They’re nuts.”
“Tune, if I may,” says Tony. “You are sitting, not standing.”
The Tuna knocks back his shot of Jack Daniels and nods to the empty shot glass. Tina refills it.
Roxie says, “We are not getting married, Tony. I am not going home with you. I am not going to sing a song you copied off the Internet even if it is one of my favorite Christmas songs.”
Tony says, “I got another one. This one is all mine. I thought of it this morning when I was on the can.”
Legos whispers, “That’s where he does his best thinking.”
Tony says, “I got no part in this song. It’s all you. Here it is, “Tony baby, just slip a sable under the tree for me. Been an awful good girl . . .”
“Stop, stop, stop. You copied another song off the Internet. You can’t do this stuff,” says Roxie.
“But I changed the title to Roxie Baby. That’s good, right? Roxie, if loving you is a crime, I plead guilty. Please sentence me to life with you,” begs Tony.
Roxie glances at Legos, “That’s the cutest thing any guy has ever said to me.”
Before Legos can answer, the door to The Luck Canary opens . . .