🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Tina Asks the Tuna if She Can Use Her Icepick



A short, barely misses qualifying for dwarf status, no neck, chiseled guy wearing a short sleeve black compression shirt showing off his guns (biceps for the non-gym going folks) gives Bogey a stare. Bogey says, “How do you stay warm? Bogey wants to know?”

“Why does Bogey want to know?” says no neck.

Bogey says, “Bogey wants to know lots of things. It’s the way Bogey works.”

“Do I know this Bogey? Is this Bogey a tough guy?” says no neck.

Bogey says, “Bogey chews nails and spits bullets. Bogey don’t do small talk, back talk or Tik Tok.”

“Why are you telling me this?” says no neck.

Bogey says, “You look like a guy who can tell Bogey where Bogey can find Bogey’s soulmate.”

The guy says, “Why should I tell Bogey? Is Bogey wearing a wire? Is he a Fed? If he’s a Fed, I can sniff him out like I can sniff out roids. Does Bogey do roids?”

Bogey says, “Bogey don’t touch steroids. Bogey’s got a special drink builds muscle without having to go to the gym.”

The guy says, “Tell Bogey to get in touch with me, I need to upgrade my roids.”

Bogey says, “Bogey doesn’t give out Bogey’s trade secrets. It’s what makes Bogey, Bogey.”

The Tuna taps Tina’s forearm, “That’s Dino Flamingo, just like the bird. Dino got less brains than a flamingo and a flamingo got no brains at all. If I’m right, in about ten seconds, we’re gonna hear a high pitched, squeaky voice.”

Right on cue, “Dino, if I spend another minute outside, I’m gonna turn into an ice cube and I don’t like rap.”

The Tuna motions to the table. He says, “That’s Ernie Testa. Let him do his thing.”

“Sorry, Mr. T,” says Dino.

“Sorry, my frozen ears,” says Ernie Testa from the sidewalk.

“Whatcha want me to do, Mr. T? Do you know Bogey? There’s a guy here says Bogey is looking for a soulmate. What should I do?”

From outside The Lucky Canary, “Unless you are Bogey’s soulmate, let this guy out so I can get in.”

Bogey scoots around the slow thinking marble statue and leaves The Lucky Canary.

Bogey leaves and Ernie Testa walks in. Ernie Testa stands next to Dino. The five foot three inch Ernie Testa is a good four inches taller than Dino Flamingo.  Ernie Testa slowly pulls off one leather glove, hands it to Dino, then goes to work on the other glove. He pulls the glove off and hands it to Dino. Ernie steps in front of Dino and says, “Well?”

“Whatcha want me to do?” says Dino.

“Duh. I’ve got snow on my coat, brush it off,” says Ernie Testa.

“I don’t got a brush, boss,” says Dino.

“Use your hands, don’t you dare use my gloves,” says Ernie Testa.

“I wish I thought of that. That’s why you are the man,” says Dino.

Legos rolls his eyes.

Roxie whispers, “I didn’t know the comedy channel was filming.”

Tony can’t help himself, “Hey, Ernie. What’s that black line above your lip? You accidently put magic marker on your face.”

Nick fist bumps Tony.

Dino says, “You want me break his nose.”

Tony says, “It’s already broken. You got guns, but your punch got no sting. That’s what everybody says. All you do is the tippy tappy.”

Dino is brushing off Ernie’s coat, “What’s a tippy tappy?”

Ernie says, “Your tippy tappy is why I bought you brass knuckles.”

Dino says, “What’s wrong with my real knuckles? I had my knuckles since I can remember.”

Legos says, “You two buying or leaving.”

Ernie Testa walks over to the bar, gives Roxie a look, “I hear you been drawing the crowds since you been back.”

Roxie turns a bit toward Ernie Testa, “You talking to me? If you are talking to me, we got nothing to say. I don’t like you. You were a weasel in school. From what I hear you turned from a weasel to a snake to a skunk.”

“You want me do a tippy tappy on her nose, boss?” asks Dino.

Tony jumps up. Nick grabs hold of Tony. He whispers, “Tuna said let it play out.”

Tina touches Tuna, “I can do both in ten seconds, all you got to do is dump the bodies in the bay.”

Ernie Testa turns around toward the table, “Tuna, I’m the new boss in the neighborhood. You are done, finished, fin eat toe, retired, heading to the old folks home, riding off into the sunset, going on a cruise when they start again. Am I making myself clear?”

The Tuna half turns, “Why you telling me this stuff? I been retired for years. You wanna be boss, be boss. I got no problems.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” says Ernie Testa. He turns toward Legos. “My lawyer tells me you won’t sell.”

Legos places his two dinner plate sized hands palms down on the bar and bends toward Ernie Testa. He says, “I’m not selling. If I ever sell, it won’t be to you. You and bobble head can leave.”

Dino says, “You want me break his nose?”

Legos starts laughing. “Dino, you been overdoing the steroids. The steroids shrunk your brain as well as other parts of your body. I’m giving the two of you ten seconds before I come around, pick you both up, and toss you out in the slush on Spring Street.”

“What should I do, boss? I think he means it,” says Dino.

“It’s not over, Legos. I’ll give you until after Christmas to think it over, then we’ll see what happens if you don’t sell,” says Ernie Testa.

Ernie Testa and Dino walk toward the door. Dino steps ahead of Ernie and opens the door. Ernie turns toward the corner table, he sees Tina. He says, “Beautiful broad. You’re hanging with the wrong crowd. Come on with me and I’ll show you a good time.”

Nick jumps up. Tony rises with him and puts his arms around Nick. He whispers, “Let Tina handle it. Maybe she’ll stick him with her icepick.”

Tina says, “Little man, from what I see, you got nothing a broad needs or wants.”

Nick jumps in, “Sing it Tinzi. From what the broads in the pool hall say, your performance won’t make the big leagues, so you pay for it. The broads you’re paying all say it’s the easiest money they make.”

“Ouch,” says Joey.

“Fist bump, bro,” says Tony.

Legos glances at the corner table, “All drinks on the house today.”

Ernie touches Dino, “Give Nick the look.”

Dino gives Nick a look.

Nick says, “You auditioning to be one of Santa’s eight dwarfs or is it eleven? I can never get it straight.”

Dino says, “Where they holding auditions?”

Ernie Testa pushes Dino aside and gives a look.

Tony says, “Was you trying to give a look? If you were trying to give a look it wasn’t working. It looks like you were thinking about going to the bathroom, maybe thinking about going away from the neighborhood forever.”

Ernie Testa says, “Was you trying to insult me?”

Tina says, “Little boy it’s time you left or you and me are going to take it out on the street and I don’t like the cold.”

Dino says, “Boss, I think we better leave. The beautiful broad means it.”

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