Nick says, “Tinzi, Tinzi, help me in choosing the perfect Christmas present for you.”
Tina shakes her head like it’s here we go again. She says, “If you are dancing in the wind, blowing smoke out your ears, thinking you can fiddle and diddle your way around me, you are so wrong. You have sweet talked me one too many times and the sweet talking times are over until you set the wedding date.”
“But, Tinzi, that’s what I was thinking about. It’s the only thing I’m ever thinking about. I was wondering if you want to have one of those typhoonated last names.”
Legos calls over, “He means hyphenated.”
Nick turns toward Legos, “That’s not what I meant. Everyone knows that hyphenated is that jungle animal with a big thing coming out of his nose.”
Legos says, “Do you mean a hippopotamus?”
“What’s that?” asks Nick. “You talking about what druggies stick their arm?”
Roxie taps Legos forearm, “Why do you bother?”
Legos says, “I think it is a genetic flaw.”
Joey says, “Legos, you going to be open on Christmas?”
Before Legos can answer, Tina says, “Is this your big question? Is this the best you can do two days before Christmas?”
Nick is scrambling for an answer. He says, “I was testing to see if you were listening. But since you are listening, these are my real questions. Do you think switching sides of the bed so you can sleep closer to the radiator is a good present?”
Tina pulls out her ice pick from her handbag.
Nick says, “I take that as a no. How about us eating out every week at Caruso’s?”
Tina points her ice pick at Nick.
Nick says, “I take that as another no. The cold weather is freezing my brain and I can’t think so good.”
“I go an idea for you, Nick,” says Tony.
“Whatcha got for me? I need something, I’m going down for the count,” says Nick.
“Why don’t you and me take Tina and we bust into Ernie Testa’s pawn shop and Tina can choose anything she wants in the shop for her Christmas present?” says Tony.
Nick glances at Tina. He picks up his signals of interest from her. He says, “I was thinking that about three or four days ago, but I didn’t mention it. You must have been reading my mind. Next time you are going to read my mind let me know.”
Roxie whispers, “Nick’s psychic?”
Legos says, “Do you mean psychotic?”
Joey says, “the sperm bank has an egg donor bank too. If I donate my sperm and Tina donates her eggs . . .”
The Tuna says, “Enough. Joey, the answer is no to your can’t miss, can’t miss idea of donating to a sperm bank. One of you is enough running around here.”
“You’re killing my creativity. Just when I come up with my greatest brainstorm it gets shot down,” says Joey.
Tina says, “Nobody is getting my eggs.”
Nick says, “We usually get our eggs from Stop & Shop.”
The door to The Lucky Canary opens. And in walks . . .