Christmas Eve. The Lucky Canary is closed for the Tuna’s Christmas party. A large decorated balsam fir is in the corner. The Diamonds, a local neighborhood trio is playing Christmas music. Johnny Rizzo is playing keyboard, Louie Tenova is playing base, and Lenny Mosconi is playing guitar. Roxie is standing near a mike sipping on a shot of Johnnie Walker. Legos is minding the bar. A buffet filled with fried calamari, shrimp scampi, inslata frutta di mare, linguini in white clam sauce and blue crab sauce, stuffed lobster, and seafood risotto, is set up on two large tables on the opposite end of the The Lucky Canary away from the trio.
The Tuna, Tina, aka beautiful broad, Nick, Tony, Joey, and Stella, aka bad broad sit at a table against the back wall. Sitting at a table in front of them is Bogey, Lena, Al, and Yvonne.
Roxie steps up to the mike and starts singing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.
Tony says, “What’s Bogey doing with Lena?”
Nick says, “I think she’s a cougar, but why she settled on Bogey, I can’t figure out.”
Tina says, “Did you get me a present, Nick? I am still waiting to hear and I haven’t heard a word.”
Nick says, “I got you two presents, Tinzi. It’s gonna be the best Christmas in your life, even better than the Christmas after you got out of the joint.”
From the other table, Bogey calls out, “Bad broad are you jealous Bogey’s got a cougar who can’t keep her hands off Bogey?” Bogey looks at Lena, “Scratch off broad put your hands on Bogey so Bogey makes bad broad jealous.”
Lena says, “Two things, Bogey. One, I am not a cougar. I was married once and it was mistake. Two, Lena is not putting Lena’s hands on Bogey.”
Bogey says, “Scratch off lady, what if Bogey has fifty scratch off tickets for Bogey’s cougar if she gives Bogey a squeeze?”
Lena looks at Al, “Al, one of those tickets might be my way out of the neighborhood. Yet, what if someone took a photo of me hugging Bogey and posted it?”
“You’d be the laughing stock in the neighborhood, Lena,” says Al.
Yvonne glances at Bogey, “Bogey’s not so bad. Talking in third person turns Yvonne on.”
Bogey says, “Really, really hot third talking broad, the blues broad is singing The Christmas Song, let’s dance.”
Lena says, “Not so fast, Bogey. You’re my date.”
Bogey says, “Free me, scratch off broad. Bogey has a chance at a really, really hot broad.”
Lena says, “Lena says, leave the fifty scratch off tickets on the table and you are free.”
“Bogey says, deal,” says Bogey.
Tony says, “Stella, baby, for the good times we had. Let’s dance.”
Stella says, “We had good times?”
Tony says, “Tony’s got the boom, boom.”
“We did have good times. You do have the boom, boom,” says Stella.
The Tuna says, “Nick, do I have to tell you or are you smart enough to do the right thing?”
Nick has a confused look on his face. Joey leans over and says, “Ask the beautiful broad to dance.”
“Oh,” says Nick.
“Tinzi, had about dancing with me?”
The Tuna gives Joey a wink. Joey smiles.
The door to The Lucky Canary opens and Lorraine, Stella’s sister steps inside. She looks around, “Joey. I was hoping you’d be out. Wanna dance?”
Joey says, “Tuna, how can I ever thank you?”
The Tuna says, “I’ll think of a way.”
Roxie sings song after song. The lovers dance, dance after dance. Legos keeps refilling shot glasses, wine glasses, and bringing the cheap beer to both tables.
The Tuna nods to Johnny Rizzo. Johnny nods back. Johnny says, “Roxie take a break. We’ll take it from here. Johnny nods to Lenny and Louie and the Diamonds are playing White Christmas. The Tuna nods to Legos who leaves the bar and walks over to Roxie and leads her to the dance floor. The Tuna sits back and smiles.
Al calls over from the next table, “How you do it, Tuna, I’ll never know. I don’t want to know, but never stop working the magic.”
The Tuna turns toward Al, “It’s not over yet. I got one more surprise coming.”
Al lifts his glass of red wine toward the Tuna. The Tuna smiles and lifts his glass toward Al. The Tuna nods toward Johnny Rizzo. Johnny nods to Lenny and Louie. They finish up White Christmas. Johnny says, “The Diamonds are going to take a break and grab some of the fabulous food made with love by the Tuna’s beautiful wife, Maria.” Everyone claps except Tony, who whistles.
Tony pulls out Stella’s chair. Roxie and Legos join the table. Joey sits with Lorraine, Yvonne and Bogey, and Lena and Al.
The door to The Lucky Canary opens. In steps Father Pat.
The Tuna says, “Father Pat, come on over and have some food and wine.”
Father Pat smiles, “I’m doing the midnight mass, but I’ll take a plate back to the rectory. I got an announcement.”
Stella whispers to Tony, “Father Pat is handsome, if he says he’s leaving the priesthood, I am not going home with you tonight.”
Tony starts saying the rosary in his mind for Father Pat’s vocation.
Father Pat, “I come to invite you all to a June 10th wedding between Tina and Nick Donato.”
Tina looks at Nick, “You set the date?”
Tina is out of her seat and wrapping her arms around Nick. “I love you, Nick. You drive me crazy, but that is why I don’t go insane.”
The Tuna says, “To Nick and beautiful broad. Congratulations.”