Joey cups his hands and shouts to Linda as she heads toward the door, “Linda, see if you can get a job where nobody checks on you. If you get stuck for a car or a ride, text me. I’ll heist the warden’s car and pick you up. I’ll be like your personal Groober or Rifts, but you don’t have to pay.”
Legos says, “He means Uber or Lyft.”
Linda stops and stands with her arms akimbo and gives Legos a look. “Legos, Joey’s right. You got to have your hearing checked.” Linda turns to Joey gives him a wink and blows him a kiss.”
“Check my blood pressure, Tony, I can hear my heart going boom, bada boom, boom,” says Joey.
Legos whisper to Roxie, “It must be mating season.”
The Tuna looks at Joey, “When do have you have to be back at Bridgewater?”
Joey tilts his head and stares at the ceiling, “My parole hearing is in one hundred and two days. I probably should be back for that.”
Tina says, “You in prison or living at a state paid vacation resort?”
Joey says, “I can’t figure it out. We have a support group every Monday. It’s okay if you miss it if you oversleep. The last time I went, I told the group nobody understands me. Everybody in the group said it was the same with them.”
“What did the shrink say?” asks Nick.
“The shrink said he had the same problem, so he understands how we feel,” says Joey.
Roxie, “Society is really screwed up. Where’s Johnnie Walker?”
Legos fills Roxie’s shot glass and pours himself a shot of Seagram’s.
The Tuna points at Roxie, which means his crooked index finger is pointing at Joey, ‘I’m gonna give you free advice.”
“Thanks, Tuna. Nobody ever did anything free for me before,” says Joey.
Tina whispers to Tuna, “It’ll be a mercy killing. He won’t feel a thing.”
The Tuna gives a slight shake of the head. He says, “Joey, you got one hundred, two days before you get parole. You trying to blow it and get sent to Cedar Junction?”
“Tuna, I don’t know what to do on the outside. It’s hard out here. You got to work. You got to pay rent. You got to worry about medical care. Bridgewater’s got to be the closest I’ve been to heaven.”
“You can make it when you get out, Joey. You got friends here. We got your back. Nothing bad is gonna happen to you in the neighborhood,” says the Tuna.
Tony whispers to Nick, “This is why all the broads love the Tune. There’s nobody better in the world. Not even my mother.”
Tears start running out of Joey’s eyes. “Nobody ever said something like this to me, Tuna. You need me to do something, anything, I’ll do it.”
The Tuna says, “I’m gonna need a car tomorrow night, around 11. It can’t be reported missing. I personally like heated seats.”
“You got it, Tuna. The warden’s wife drives a black Lexus SUV. It’s got heated seats, heated steering wheel, backup camera. She never drives it at night.” Joey pushes back from the table, stands up and says, “I’m gonna leave. I’ll be in front of your place at 10:30. I gonna heist a car behind Monahan’s Mortuary on the Irish side to get back to Bridgewater. They always got a wake going. I hope the warden likes the replacement I’m gonna bring him.”
Nick says, “Don’t bring him the hearse if it’s got a corpse in it.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking the warden likes hearses. They got lots of room for luggage,” says Joey.
Roxie taps Legos arm, “Where do they learn to think this way? Is this what the schools teach these days?”
Legos says, “It’s hard to tell where they pick it up. There was a Harvard doc student trying to study it until he started thinking the same way and dropped out of Harvard.”
Joey goes to Tuna and gives him a hug and heads to the door. When Joey reaches the door, he turns back to the table, “This is the best day in my life. Thanks, Tuna.”
Roxie says, “I feel like crying.”
Legos says, “Joey doesn’t have much going for him, and what seems like something small is really a big deal.”
Tony says, “What’s going on, Tune? You need a driver? I’m not doing nothing tonight.”
Nick says, “You need an alarm man, I’m free tonight.” Nick glances at Tina, “If it’s okay with you, Tinzi.”
Tina says, “It’s okay with me, but don’t come home if you’re not ready to get married on the second Saturday in June. You come home, I’ll take that as the best you can do to say yes.”
The Tuna taps Tina’s forearm, “Beautiful broad, you got no worries, you are the big part of the plan. Nick’s gonna show up for the wedding and he’s gonna make a good husband and dad.”
“I am?” says Nick.
The Tuna gives Nick a look.
“I am,” says Nick.