Bogey steps into The Lucky Canary. Bogey stops ands says, “Bogey’s here, but Bogey’s not bringing the cheer. Blues broad, my life is the blues and there’s no sunshine for the Bogey. Bogey and the blues, Bogey can’t get away from them.”
Roxie says, “Bogey, you’re wearing the blues like it’s a second skin. The sunshine is gonna come back, Bogey.”
Bogey takes off his fedora, scratches his scalp disclosing a rapidly receding hairline poorly hidden by a seriously bad combover. Bogey says, “Blues broad, Bogey got shot down by Bogey’s lightening rod Bogey’s shooting star flew by Bogey without looking Bogey’s way. Bogey’s jar of deviled eggs is keeping the lid locked,” says Bogey.
Roxie says, “Please interpret for me.”
“Lena asked you to leave?” asks Legos.
“The scratch off broad don’t want to dance the tango, salsa, the rhumba, or the Texas two step with Bogey. Bogey even offered to pay for dancing lessons,” says Bogey.
Roxie says, “Bogey, you need relationship advice.”
“Bogey wants to know who can tell Bogey how to make it with the scratch off broad. Bogey needs pickup lines the scratch off broad can’t refuse,” says Bogey.
The Tuna motions Bogey over to the corner table. Bogey does a slow sachet, head bowed, over to the corner table. The Tuna says, “I’m gonna give Bogey advice. I want Bogey to pay attention. Is Bogey listening or is Bogey’s mind off feeling sorry for Bogey?”
Roxie taps Legos, “The Tuna is the smartest guy I know, no disrespect, Legos. See how he moves into the way Bogey speaks and thinks?”
Legos, “No disrespect taken. The Tuna is in a league by himself, seriously.”
The Tuna says, “Lena’s never been rocked just right. She’s never been rolled the way she needs to be rolled. Lena’s looking for a good man, but she don’t know it. You hear what I’m saying, Bogey?”
Bogey mumbles, “Bogey hears you, but Bogey’s got no clue what to do.”
The Tuna rolls his eyes, “Bogey, lift your head up. Look me the eye, man to man.”
Bogey lifts his head up and looks at the Tuna.
“Why are you wearing your fedora tipped back on your head instead of tilted to the left and down the way you usually wear it? That’s your signature look. Where’s the toothpick in the corner of your mouth? Where’s the can do, never quit, tough guy, PI who always gets who Bogey’s after? That’s who I want to see,” says the Tuna.
The Tuna calls over to Legos, “Bring Bogey some toothpicks, two cheap beers, and a bowl of nuts to neutralize the calories.
Legos comes from behind the bar carrying two opened cans of cheap beer in one of his large hands and a shot glass filled with toothpicks in the other, balancing a bowl of salted nuts on his forearm. He sets them on the table between the Tuna and Bogey.
The Tuna nods at Legos. Legos turns and returns to the bar. The Tuna says, “Bogey, toss a cheap down, now. When you finish, chase the cheap beer with a handful of salted peanuts.”
“Do I have to?” asks Bogey.
“Yes,” the Tuna.
Bogey knocks back a can of cheap beer without taking a breath. His eyes are closed. Tina, Nick, Tony, and the Tuna are watching. Roxie and Legos watch from the bar.
Bogey opens his eyes, “Man, that was good. Bogey was missing Bogey’s cheap beer.” Bogey picks up the second can of cheap beer and chases it down as if it were an open faucet emptying in the sink. Bogey takes a fistful of salted peanuts fills up both cheeks and chews.
Tony slides his unfinished cheap beer toward Bogey. Bogey fills his mouth with Tony’s unfinished cheap beer, swirls and swallows. Bogey hits his solar plex and belches. Bogey announces, “Bogey is back and Bogey is bad.”
Bogey takes a toothpick and sticks it into the corner of his mouth. He adjusts his fedora tilting it down and to the left. Bogey starts smiling, “The scratch off broad is about to meet a human tornado. Bogey’s going back to win the scratch off broad’s heart. She don’t know it, but Bogey’s gonna rock and roll her till she knows what living is all about.”
Roxie taps Legos’ arm, “What’s Bogey talking about?”
“It’s the cheap beer talking, not Bogey,” says Legos.
The Tuna says, “That’s the Bogey we know. Bogey, go do what Bogey does and do it better.”
Tony interrupts, “Tune, let me be Bogey’s wingman. I know my way around the broads. This is a known fact in the neighborhood.”
Roxie taps Legos forearm, “He does? What am I missing?”
Legos says, “With some of them, he’s got this innocent charm thing going. They think he’s only acting dumb, it doesn’t take long before they catch on.”
Nick jumps in, “Tuna, you got to let Tony help Bogey. I seen him do moves that haven’t been invented.”
“How come I haven’t seen his moves?” asks Tina.
Nick says, “Tinzi, Tony and me are best friends, we got a rule that we leave each other’s broads alone.”
Tony says, “We do?”
The Tuna says, “Make sure you and Nick are where you are supposed to be when you are supposed to be there.”
Tina says, “Tony don’t show up, he’s never gonna see the inside of The Lucky Canary again.”
Tony says, “No worries. I got this. Let’s go Boogie, Bogey.”
Bogey says, “Tuna, you are in the center of Bogey’s circle. You need a fav, you call Bogey. Bogey will drop everything to deliver the fav you want. Meanwhile Bogey and Bogey’s wingman are going to flip Lena like a light switch.”
The Tuna whispers to Tina, “Beautiful broad, you got two guy who can’t count to five between them and they can use their fingers believing they can help Bogey win Lena’s heart.”
Bogey tips his hat to Tina, “Beautiful broad, adieu.” Bogey turns to the bar and tips his hat, “Blues broad, you’re not gonna be singing the blues to Bogey. Bogey’s in love and Bogey’s not quitting until the scratch off broad says yes. Bogey’s wingman going be giving Bogey all the right words to say.”
Legos whispers, “I hope Bogey doesn’t get arrested for stalking.