🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Joey Thinks the Warden’s Wife is Hot – LOL


Later that night, much later, a beat up, rusted out black Toyota pulls to the curb in front of Costa’s Bistro. A half a block back, a gold Lexus SUV pulls to the curb.

“You like the wheels I heisted from Bridgewater, Tuna?” asks Joey.

“You did good, Joey. The heated seat feels good. You sure nobody knows you took the car?”

“I’m partial to the warden’s car. But the warden’s not at work at night unless there’s an emergency and there never is an emergency unless I steal his car. So, what I did was take a golf cart to the warden’s house, which is a half mile from prison. I heisted his wife’s SUV. She’s a looker. If she ever leaves the warden, I’m gonna be first in line.”

The Tuna rolls his eyes and shakes his head, “You took the warden’s wife’s SUV? Watch out, you might be playing with fire. I think you’re gonna do better with Linda Pino, not the warden’s wife.”

Joey says, “I got to keep my options open, Tuna. I don’t have too many of them. If I get the chance, I’m gonna put the moves on her. If warden’s wife has to go someplace in a hurry, I left the golf cart in the place of the SUV. It’s not that cold if she wears a heavy coat, mittens, scarf, and a hat.”

The Tuna says, “Good plan, Joey.” The Tuna’s thinking, Joey don’t have much going for him. Maybe less than I was giving him credit.

In the beat up Toyota in front of Costa’s Bistro . . .

“Tinzi, I don’t think you should go into Costa’s Bistro. The way you look is gonna drive the men crazier than a rooster in a jam packed hen house. You’re already driving me crazy,” says Nick.

“Don’t think about what you are seeing. You understand what you are gonna miss because you can’t make a commitment?” says Tina.

“Tinzi, Tinzi, I’ll commit to anything you want me to commit to. Whatever you say, I’ll say I commit. Please don’t go. You’re ringing all the right bells. You’re singing all the good songs. My mind messed up enough and now I feel like I been tossed into the bay without a life jacket,” says Nick.

Tony interrupts, “What if Tina says, ‘You gotta get a job?”

“I’ll get a job.”

Tina says, “Enough. I’m going in. I’m doing this for the Tuna. He’s more man than the two of you together.”

“But, Tinzi, you got hardly anything on. You are leaving nothing to the magination. You’ll catch cold, maybe pneumonia, maybe something you got to have petrasillium to cure it.”

“You mean penicillin?” asks Tina.

“Uh huh. At least let me and Tony go in and sit in the back and protect you,” says Nick.

Tina touches Nick’s cheek. “Ah, Nick, I love you. You really do care. I’d give you a big kiss, but I got to seduce Tommy Castro. Not to worry, I got my icepick in my purse. He gets too fresh, I’m gonna puncture his lungs in four places. I might do that anyways. You remember what the Tuna told you to do?”

Tony says, “Yah. We drive two blocks to the Med Center, heist a BMW with doctor’s plates. Nick drives the BMW and I take the Toyota and we park behind the Tuna and wait for you. When you comes out with Costa, Nick pulls up in the BMW and tell you and Costa he is a Luber driver.”

Tina says, “Uber, Uber. How many times I got to tell you it’s Uber?”

Tony says, “I don’t member, but lots of times, more than twelve.”

Tina says, “Say Uber.”

Tony says, “Ubler.”

Nick says, “Buber.”

“You two are hopeless. You screw it up, I’m taking both of you to the street,” says Tina.

“I think she means it,” says Tony.

“It’s the look. She’s giving us the look. Uber. I got it,” says Nick.

“Uber,” says Tony.

“That’s better,” says Tina.

Maybe I should drive the doctor’s car in case a cop stops you,” says Tony.

“I ain’t afraid of being stopped by a cop,” says Nick.

“That’s true, Nick. But, you can’t lie as good as me. I don’t know where the words come from, but when I’m lying it’s like I’m on stage and I’m hitting all the notes. Anyway, you will be driving while looking in the rearview mirror at Tina and Costa, you might get in an accident. It’s okay if you get in an accident with the Toyota,” says Tony.

Nick shakes his head, “I know you are right, Tony. You could always lie.  Member the time you told your mom we was going to outside school instead of inside school. She bought it. It was the perfect plan until the truant officer busted us.”

“We was only in third grade. I got a lot more practice lying since then,” says Tony.

Tina says, “I can’t take any more of this conversation. I gotta go. Be back in an hour, that’s all the time I’m gonna need. I’m gonna tell him he wants to take me home he has to match me Jack Daniels for Jack Daniels.”

“Dog will tear him to shreds, if Costa doesn’t drink himself to death first,” says Nick.

“I am not taking him home. That’s what I am gonna tell him,” says Tina. Tina opens the rear door and steps out and walks to the door of Castro’s Bistro. The door man’s eyes run a one-hundred meter dash up and down Tina. Tina gives him a look that will freeze water in the middle of July.

Tony puts the Toyota in drive and pulls out from the curb and heads down 27th Street toward the medical center.

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