🐤 The Lucky Canary ~ Bogey’s Got the Neighborhood Blues


Tina pours Jack Daniels into her shot glass, pick it up and holds it toward the Tuna. “Salute.”

The Tuna lifts his wine glass, taps Tina’s shot glass, “Salute, beautiful broad.”

Tina knocks back her shot, a smile crosses her face, “Tuna, how old are you? I can’t tell. As far as love is concerned, age don’t make a difference to me. We can be on the next plane out of Logan. I don’t care where it’s going as long as we are together.”

The Tuna sips his wine, “Beautiful broad, Maria’s got my heart. She got my heart from the first time I saw her.”

Tina says, “Why do some women get all the breaks and the best I can do is Nick?”

Tony says, “Nick’s not so bad. What if you fell in love with Lenny Santoro?”

“He’d be a pin cushion. A bird has more brains than Lenny,” says Tina.

Tony thinks about it. He takes a sip of cheap beer, “What about a mouse? You think Lenny is smarter than a mouse?”

“I am not going to have this conversation,” says Tina.

The door to The Lucky Canary opens . . .

Legos looks toward the door. Roxie swivels on her stool. Tina twists around. Nick and Tony stretch to see around the Tuna. The Tuna sips his wine. The Tuna says, “It’s Bogey.”

Five seconds later . . . “Bogey’s back and Bogey’s cursed.”

Tony whispers to Nick, “The Tuna knows everything even before it happens. How does he do it?”

Nicks shrugs, “Some say he was born with it. Some say his nonna passed it down to him. Some say he got eyes in the back of his head.”

Tony says, “I never looked for eyes on the back of Tune’s head.”

Nick says, “That’s because you’re always driving and the Tuna is sitting next to you. I think once I saw eyes in the back of his head. He hides it well with the way he combs his hair.”

Roxie turns her back to Legos, “Legos, do I have eyes in the back of my head?”

Legos bites the dish towel to stifle his laugh.

Bogey sachets over to the bar, “Blues broad, sing a blues song for the Bogey. Bogey’s got the blues. Bogey feels black and blue. Bogey’s blues not blues like the sky. Bogey’s blues is like the blue that looks like only some people call it Navy blue or is it air force blue, Bogey’s not sure. Bogey’s brain is not working.”

Roxie reaches into her handbag and pulls out her iPhone. She scrolls to find her music app, taps it and searches for the right background music. Roxie hits play and counts in three measures:

Neighborhood blue

Neighborhood blue

Neighborhood blue, whatcha trying to do

Bogey gave you everything he had

And, you wanted more.

Neighborhood blue whatcha trying to do.

“That’s my theme song, blues broad,” moans Bogey.

“I’m game,” says Legos. “Why does Bogey have the blues?”

Bogey says, “Before Bogey can spill his guts, Bogey needs a cheap beer and nuts to wash away the calories of the cheap beer. Bogey’s New Year’s resolution is to get a six pack.”

Nick says, “The only way Bogey’s getting a six pack is over at Del’s Liquors.”

Bogey ignores Nick and slides on a bar stool. He says, “Bogey put moves on Lena that never been invented. Bogey doubled down on Bogey’s top moves and then Bogey went all in on the best lines ever played. Bogey came up empty. Bogey thought he had a winning hand but when Bogey laid his hand down, he only had a pair of deuces and the scratch off broad was holding four aces.”

Roxie says, “What was Bogey’s best line with Lena?”

Bogey says, “I said to Lena, ‘How about you and me hooking up, taking a couple of lawn chairs and sit on the roof looking at the moon over a case of cheap beer?”

“This was your best line?” asks Legos.

“It was the best I could do because my wingman left with pity party broad,” says Bogey.

“Whose pity party broad?” asks Roxie.

Legos interrupts, “Lorraine, Stella’s sister. The word is Stella wooed Lorraine’s boyfriend and Lorraine found them together and they were not sipping soda.”

“Oh, ouch,” says Roxie. She turns back to Bogey, “How did Lena respond to your pickup line?” asks Roxie.

“She asked Bogey to leave because Bogey was giving her a headache. She said she was too busy scratching scratch off tickets to consider Bogey’s offer.”

Legos says, “You still got hope, Bogey. She didn’t outright reject you. Who knows what caused her headache.”

“You think?” asks Bogey.

Before Legos can answer, Joey and Linda Pino come out of the women’s restroom. Joey says, “Is it safe?

Bogey says, “It’s safe. Bogey’s here. Bogey don’t have a woman, but Bogey can still do security. Bogey wants to know where you bought matching orange jump suits. Maybe Bogey can win Lena’s heart if he bought matching orange jumps suits. Bogey wants to know if it is a good idea to ask Lena her size so he can online order an orange jump suit?”

Roxie says, “Bogey asks Lena her size, Bogey is looking for blues like they never been sung before.”

Bogey says, “Bogey takes it, this is not a good idea.”

Legos glances at the large screen TV. He says, “Looks like there’s going to be a Channel 4 flash briefing today. Want me to turn it up?”

The Tuna nods.

From the TV, I’m Marcy Stankowski for Channel 4 Flash News. We’re the first, the foremost, and the fastest with breaking news.”

Tony says, “Marcy I love you. Marry me. I’ll drop Lorraine in a second.”

“You got a better chance of playing second base for the Sox,” says Legos.

“You think the Sox will give me a tryout? If I made the team, I could get Marcy tickets behind the dugout,” says Tony.

Nick says, “You could never hit a curve ball. You always flinched.”

“Why is it something always gets in my way when I’m so close to the finish line?” says Tony.

The Tuna puts his forefinger over mouth and says, “Shss.”

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