Marcy Stankowski stands in the empty parking space normally filled with Bridgewater minimum security prison warden’s car. Marcy puts the mike to her mouth, “Why are you telling me I’m live. Of course, I’m alive. Would I be talking if I was dead? . . . Oh, you mean we’re broadcasting. Why didn’t you say so? . . . Oh, you did. . . . (Marcy smiles into the camera) Want to know why I’m standing here? The warden’s car was stolen again. That’s not all, peeps. . . Last night, the warden’s main squeeze, I think that’s his wife, if it isn’t you are in big trouble warden . . . stick to the news? Don’t you think the news should be fun? . . . Report the facts? What if the Warden has another main squeeze? . . . okey, dokey . . . The warden’s wife’s SUV was stolen, and the thief left a golf cart in its place with a thank you letter and a small box of chocolates. . . . I wish my boyfriend would surprise me with chocolates . . . You hear me, Henry?”
At the corner table, “Nice move, Joey,” says Nick.
Linda says, “You trying to two time me, Joey?”
Joey sticks his thumbs in his mouth. Tony comes to the rescue, “Joey’s no two or three or four timer. Joey was just showing his participation for the SUV.”
“You mean appreciation,” says Legos.
“I don’t know if Mario Apprecio ate anything,” says Tony.
“Legos, let it go. You can’t win,” says Roxie.
“When will I ever learn?” says Legos.
Back to the breaking news . . .
“I’ve got breaking news about the breaking news. One of the places I like to go for drinks or with whoever is my main squeeze at the moment is . . . BTW, I like very handsome guys with lots of money, chiseled body. and a Tessler . . . keep my personal life out of the news? . . . but I’m looking for a new main squeeze. Henry doesn’t dote on me the way I need to be doted on . . . Okey dokey, you don’t have to be so crabby, did you forget to drink your coffee? . . . we’ll talk later . . . okey dokey . . . how about talking over wine? I know some cool places . . . Just the news? Duh.”
From the corner table, “Marcy I love you. I’ll heist a Tessler for you,” screams Tony.
Back to the breaking news . . .
“I’m having a bad bosses’ day. Well, my favorite wine drinking place is Costa’s Bistro. Costa’s Bistro is being shut down for one month for serving Jack Daniels whiskey and they’re getting a super big fine. It’s four figures. Did I mention I’m a size one? . . . Please, I know I’m doing the news . . . Costa’s Bistro only has a beer and wine license. Officer Reilly went in undercover and videoed, in Reilly’s words, a beautiful broad being served shot after shot of Jack Daniels while the owner, Tommy Costa was trying to match the beautiful broad drink for drink. Poor Tommy didn’t have a chance according to Reilly. The beautiful broad was knocking back shots like she was dying of thirst. According to my sources, which I can’t tell you that my source was Officer Reilly, Costa, who looked out of it trying to keep up with the beautiful broad left with the beautiful broad. I don’t know where they went or what they did. We’re still investigating that part. . . . We’re not? Why not? . . . just because it’s not part of the news doesn’t mean it can’t be in the news. .. . Oh, if it isn’t news it can’t be in the news. . . . can we talk about it? . . . Gee, you’re going to get an ulcer . .. Well, I don’t know where they went and what they did, but an hour later, Officer Reilly was at it again and he busted Tommy Costa for stealing a proctologist’s BMW. I think a proctologist is like a foot doctor. . . . It’s not? . . . Oh, my bad . . . Well, Tommy’s been a bad boy and according to Officer Reilly, Tommy is going to do hard time for car stealing, Reilly got him with the goods. I don’t know what the city would do without Officer Reilly he’s always catching the bad guys. If Officer Reilly didn’t have love handles I woulda given him my phone number . . . I can’t say that? . . . Why? We gotta return to regular programing? Okey dokey.
Legos taps Roxie’s forearm, “That’s the reason the table showed up.”
Over at the table. . . .
“Tinzi, if we go someplace special on our honeymoon, will you dress for me like you did for Tommy Costa?” asks Nick.
“Where we going? And, it better not be Worcester or an apple orchard,” says Tina.
The Tuna waves his hand, “I got this. My wedding gift will be a two week trip to Italy, all expenses paid.”
Tina bends over and throws her arms around the Tuna and kisses him on the cheek, “I love you so much. Thank you.”
Nick says, “I’d kiss you too, Tuna, if you was a girl. Thanks. I never seen Tinzi this happy.”
The Tuna says, “The beautiful broad better stay this happy. Or somebody will regret it.”
Tony says, “Nick, will you and Tina come back from Italy? Can I go with you? I’ll miss you guys. What am I going to do while you’re gone?”
Bogey says, “Bogey’s got a brainstorm. Let’s all go to Italy together for the honeymoon.”
Linda Pino touches Joey’s forearm, “You think Bridgewater and Framingham will miss us for two weeks?”
Roxie looks at Legos, “They’re in prison?”
Legos says, “You never know it by how much time they spend here.”
Roxie says, “If everyone is going to Italy for Tina and Nick’s honeymoon, can you close The Lucky Canary so we can go?”