Vinnie Asks Why Mom?


Vinnie’s Mom and Dad are riding in the front seat. Vinnie is buckled in the back seat. Rupert is buckled in the seat next to Vinnie. Vinnie calls out, “Mom, Mom, Mom.”

“What is it, Vinnie?” answers his mom. She rolls her eyes already knowing what Vinnie is going to ask.

“Why do I have to go to the living nativity practice? Why, Mom?

Vinnie’s mom is ready. She answers, “Because Sister Janet scheduled it for 2:30 this afternoon. She’s expecting everyone to be there.”

“Why do I have to go, Mom? Why? We went to church this morning. Isn’t once enough? I didn’t think Mass was ever going to get over. Father was so boring. Rupert fell asleep. Why did the chorus have to sing every verse of the last song? Why, Mom?”

“Mass is long as it usually is and you sang every verse. You have a wonderful voice. Did I ever tell you about your beautiful voice?”

“I was only mouthing the words, Mom. I wasn’t singing. Why do they wait until Christmas to start singing Christmas carols? Why, Mom? Please, can I go with you and Dad? Where are you going? What are you going to do? I’ll be good. I promise. I’ll even leave Rupert in the car,” argues Vinnie.

Vinnie’s dad signals a right turn, He pulls in the church parking lot. He says, “Here we are. There’s Sister Janet standing in front of the door to the gym.”

“I owe you, dear,” says Vinnie’s mom touching Vinnie’s dad’s arm.

“What do you owe, Dad, Mom? Can I take Rupert with me? Please. Rupert will behave. I’ll talk to to him.”

“No, Rupert will go with Dad and me,” says Vinnie mom.

“That’s not fair, Mom. Rupert needs me. He doesn’t like to go anywhere without me. He’s my best friend. What if he gets lost if you go shopping? Are you going shopping? What are you going to buy?” 

Vinnie’s dad pulls into a parking place. He says, “Here you go, Vinnie. Practice will finish at 3:30 we’ll be right in this spot waiting for you. Hurry on, Sister Janet is waiting for you.”

“We’re early, Dad. It’s only 2:15. Can I sit in the car until 2:30?” pleads Vinnie.

“Go,” demands Vinnie’s mom.

“Darn. Take care of Rupert. He’ll tell me everything tonight.”

“We’ll take good care of Rupert. We’ll even get him him a cake pop at Starbucks. You want one?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“Gee, thanks, Mom.” 

Vinnie got out of the car and ran toward Sister Janet. “Hi Sister Janet. I bet you’re happy I’m here. Right, Sister.”

Sister Janet pats Vinnie’s head, “Vincent, you’ll never know how seeing you makes me feel.”

“Thanks, Sister. I have some ideas what the donkey can say. You want to hear them,” asks Vinnie.

Sister Janet glances up toward the sky, then she turns back toward Vinnie, “Not now, Vincent. I’m sure you have good ideas. Run inside and wait with the rest of the children. I’m still waiting for Joey and Mary.”

“If Mary doesn’t show up, Sister, can I play Mary?”

“Sweet Mother of God,” said Sister Janet.


Vinnie & Santa Share a Fist Bump


Vinnie and Rupert skids to a stop at the front of the line next to a mom carrying a baby in a papoose. She is holding on the hand of her three year old daughter. Vinnie looks up at the woman and says, “Can you please help me. My mom and me just got here and my mom says the line for Santa is too long. Mom’s had a terrible day, it all started when there was an explosion in the kitchen and her favorite glass angel her gramma gave her broke. Her day got worse after that. Can I please see Santa next. I promise I won’t be long. I only have a couple of things to say to him. Please? Please?”

The woman says, “Where’s your mom?”

Vinnie answers, “She’s in Starbucks getting her mobile order. See I’m waving to her. She can see me.”

“Is that your mom waving at you to come to her?”

Vinnie didn’t answer. Vinnie and Rupert scamper up the red carpet to Santa. Vinnie says, “Hi Santa. I think you need to take a break after my turn. I don’t want you to get worn out from seeing all these kids.”

Santa puts an arm around Vinnie and says, “What’s your name and who’s your friend?’

“I’m Vinnie and this is Rupert, Santa. He’s my best friend. I can tell him secrets and he won’t tell anybody.”

“I bet he won’t. It’s nice to have a friend you can trust. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas.”

Vinnie hands Santa his folded list. “You don’t have to read it now, Santa. You can read it tonight and send the order up to your elves. Everything on the list is important so don’t leave anything off.”

“I’ll do my best. Have you been good this year?”

“I’ve been better than good this year, Santa. My teacher, Mrs. Navis told me she was proud of me.”

“I bet you do very well in school if your teacher says that about you.”

“I can do better, but school is so boring. Was it boring for you, Santa?”

“Tell you the truth, Vinnie, the best part of school for me when I was your age was recess.”

“Me too. Can we fist bump, Santa?”

“Sure thing,” says Santa. He fist bumps Vinnie.

“One more thing, Santa. I have a nice letter I want to send to my teacher, Mrs. Navis. Can you mail it for me? I put your address on the envelop so she will think it comes from you. She’ll be happy when she reads it.”

“Did you sign my name on the letter, too?” asks Santa.

“Uh huh. That’s okay, isn’t it, Santa. I already put a stamp on it so you didn’t have to buy one.”

Santa holds the letter up to the light, then he puts it inside his pocket. “Your parents are lucky to have son like you, Vinnie. Not every boy will write a nice letter to their teacher and have it sent from Santa.”

“My teacher says I’m too smart for my own good. That’s a compliment, right, Santa?”

Vinnie Doesn’t Play by the Rules


The line to see Santa wound around the Christmas tree, past Starbucks wrapping its way along the mall like a giant boa constrictor wraps its prey. Vinnie and his mom stood in line across from Starbucks. 

Vinnie tugs on his mom’s hand, “Mom, can you see Santa? How many more people in front of us? I can’t see him, Mom. Are any of his helpers here? I told you we should have left when I got up. Rupert agrees with me.

Vinnie’s mom glances down at Vinnie, “The line’s moving along pretty well. It won’t be long. Be patient, Vinnie.”

Vinnie let go of his mom’s hand and reaches inside his coat pocket. He pulls out a folded piece of paper and a small envelop. He unfolds the small paper and begins reading it aloud, “Dear Santa, I have been really, really, really good this year.”

Vinnie’s mom bends over and whispers, “Don’t read aloud, Vinnie. You don’t want everyone to know what you are going to ask Santa. What’s in the envelop.”

Vinnie looks up at his Mom. “You’re right, Mom. These kids will probably all be disappointed because they didn’t write a letter to hand to Santa. I don’t trust the Post Office to get the letter to Santa on time. If I wrote the letter in October it would probably reach him, but I wasn’t thinking about Christmas back then. I’m really smart to bring a letter to Santa, right, Mom?”

“What’s in the envelop, Vinnie?” asks his Mom.

“Oh, that. It’s nothing, Mom. It’s personal between Santa and Rupert,” says Vinnie.

“That’s so nice of Rupert to write Santa a letter,” says his Mom.

Vinnie’s mom was staring into Starbucks. Vinnie says, “Mom, text dad and tell him to get you a coffee or one of those drinks you like with whipped cream.”

“I can’t, Vinnie. Dad is off to another shopping area to buy me a present for Christmas.”

“Mom, I told him not to go to Home Depot. I don’t know if he listened to me. I’ll be okay in line. Why don’t you mobile order? Your drink will be ready before you know it. You’ll hardly be away from me. You can watch me from inside.”

“I don’t know, Vinnie. I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“Mom, there are police all around. Besides you can see me. And, I have Rupert with me. I’ll be okay.”

Vinnie’s mom stares into Starbucks. She smells the fragrant aroma of coffee, and says, “I could really use a cup of coffee. Promise you’ll stay in line?”

“Promise, Mom. I promise I will stay in the Santa line. If I finish with Santa before you get your coffee I’ll come right to Starbucks.”

“I’m not going to take my eyes off you. I’ll be watching you every second,” says Vinnie’s mom taking out her iPhone, tapping the Starbucks app to place a mobile order. “I’ll only be a minute.”

Vinnie waves to his mom as she walks into Starbucks. He lifts Rupert to his mouth and says, “Rupert, this is our chance. I’ve got to see Santa before he takes a break. I don’t want to see him when he’s tired. Besides, he’s probably waiting for me. Santa knows everything. I bet he is the smartest person on Earth.”

Vinnie takes a last look at his Mom. She’s standing by the mobile order counter. He waves to her. She waves back. Vinnie says, “Rupert, it’s time to see Santa.”

Vinnie glances toward his mom, sees her picking up her mobile order. He turns, steps out of line and starts running toward the front of the line. Rupert goes right along with him.

“It’s Santa time, Rupert. Like Dad always says, sometimes you got to break the rules.”

Vinnie Gets A Special Message From His Mom


“When are we leaving, Mom? Mom? Mom? Are you still mad at Rupert for breaking the angel? He didn’t mean it,” says Vinnie watching his mom make the bed.

Vinnie’s mom straightens up, turns around, and sits on the edge of the bed. She looks at Vinnie holding Rupert standing in the doorway to the bedroom. Dexter is sitting on floor behind Vinnie. She says, “Vinnie come here.”

Vinnie doesn’t move, “Are you mad at Rupert, Mom?”

“No, I’m not mad. I only want to hug you,” says Vinnie’s mom holding her arms outstretched.

Vinnie runs over and crashes into his mom almost knocking her back on the bed. Vinnie’s mom wraps her arms around Vinnie, then tussles his short dark hair with her hand. She moves Vinnie to arm’s length away keeping on hand on both his shoulders. She says, “You know how much the angel meant to me?”

“Yes, Mom. It was your favorite Christmas ornament.”

“I want you to tell me the truth, did Rupert break the angel?”

“Mom? Are you talking to Rupert or to me?” asks Vinnie.

“You, Vinnie. I’m talking to you.”

“Awe, Mom. Rupert told me he’d take the blame for me so you wouldn’t be mad at me. It was an accident, honest. When the sausages started exploding I was opening the macaroni and cheese box I was making you for breakfast and I jumped and threw the box and the box hit the angel and the angel started to tumble and I tried to catch it and I just missed it as it rolled off the table. That’s how it happened, Mom. Honest.”

Vinnie’s mom smiles, “Was that so bad to tell me the truth?”

“Are you mad at me, Mom?”

“No. It was an accident.”

“Why did I get sent to my room?”

“I needed time to get over my disappointment.”

“Are you over it, Mom?”

“The angel is only a thing. You’re more precious than a thousand Christmas angels.”

“I think Santa is going to be really good to you this year, Mom. I love you,” says Vinnie breaking loose from his mom’s grip and giving her a hug.

“When are we leaving for the mall, Mom. There’s going to be a big line for Santa.”

“I promise you’ll see Santa today. We may have to stand in line for a while, but we won’t leave until you see him.”

“Can Rupert come with me? Rupert loves Santa. Maybe Santa will bring Rupert a present this year. Santa forgot to bring him a present last year. I don’t want Santa to forget Dexter, either.”

Dexter hears his name and saunters into the bedroom expecting a treat for answering to his name. When he realizes there is no treat, he saunters back out and heads toward the kitchen, the source of happiness for him.

Vinnie Returns Tomorrow

8 Year Old Vinnie Tries to Snare Santa in His Plan ~ Come by tomorrow to see if Vinnie’s successful.

Vinnie Claims it Was Rupert’s Fault


Vinnie opens the freezer door. He sees a frozen pizza, frozen cauliflower, a Tupperware bowl of leftover macaroni and cheese, a box of tofu sausages, a box of turkey burgers, a large package of ten real Italian meatballs, and two boxes of real meat sausages. He squeezes Rupert and says, “Change of plans, Rupert. I’m going to have a microwave pizza. Dexter will have the two boxes of sausages Dad loves. I’ll microwave the mac and cheese for mom and the meatballs for dad. They’ll love it.” 

Vinnie took everything out and put it on the table. Dexter sat on his haunches next to Vinnie acting as if her were an apprentice chef. Rupert sat on the table, his back braced against a Christmas angel centerpiece. The centerpiece was special to his mom ever since she was a little girl. Her grandmother gave it to her the first Christmas she and Vinnie’s dad were married.

Vinnie’s mom calls out from the bedroom, “Vinnie, is everything okay?”

“I got this, Mom. It’s going to be the best breakfast ever.”

“You know Dad and I like coffee. Used the Keurig coffee maker. Fill it with water. Give dad the French roast and I’ll have the Christmas roast,” says his mom.

“Not to worry, Mom. Dexter’s on it,” says Vinnie.

Dexter barks.

“Don’t let Dexter near the food. You know he’s only supposed to eat dog food. The vet said Dexter was seven pounds overweight. I don’t understand since the only snacks he gets is if you have a little something left over from school.”

Vinnie hears his dad’s voice, “Vinnie will be okay. This is good for him. Let’s get another forty minutes sleep.”

Vinnie walks over to his Mom’s iPad. He opens it using her passcode. He looks for the music app. He finds her Christmas playlist. He taps shuffle and turns the volume up high. Bruce Springsteen belts out Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town.

Vinnie hollers loud enough for the neighbors to hear, “Mom and Dad you hear what Bruce Springsteen said? He said ‘You better watch out, you better not pout, you better not cry, Santa Claus is coming to town.’ Can we go to see Santa right after breakfast? I want to be first in line because I have long list.”

“Vincent, it’s five fifteen. Santa is still sleeping. The store doesn’t open until 10. We’re not going until this afternoon,” says Vinnie’s mom.

Vinnie hollers back, “Can we talk about this?”

Vinnie’s dad hollers, “No.”

Vinnie speaks to Rupert and Dexter loud enough for his parents to hear him, “Adults get away with lots of stuff kids can’t do. I wish Mom and Dad were a lot more like you Rupert. You too, Dexter.”

From the bedroom, “Dear, please take the pillow off your head. You might suffocate.”

Vinnie empties two boxes of frozen sausages in the microwave. He glanced over his shoulder at Rupert, “How many minutes do you think I should do the sausages, Rupert?”

Rupert answers with Vinnie’s falsetto voice, “10 minutes. Dexter likes them well done.”

From the bedroom, Vinnie hears his mom’s voice, “Vinnie, who are you talking to?”

“Rupert, Mom. He’s learning how to cook by watching me,” says Vinnie. 

Vinnie’s mom shakes Vinnie’s dad’s shoulder, “Dear, we really need to get up. I’m worried.”

“What could go wrong? He’ll make cereal or toast. Please let me fall back to sleep,” groans Vinnie’s dad.

Five minutes later, a series of small explosions come from the kitchen. Vinnie’s mom grabs her rob and rushes out to the kitchen. His dad is not far behind. 

“Vincent, Vincent, are you. okay? What happened? What were those explosions?” asked his mom.

Vinnie peaked out from under the table. He was holding Rupert. “Watch out where you step, Mom. Rupert accidentally knocked over your favorite Christmas angel when the sausages I was microwaving for Dexter, I mean dad, exploded. I wanted to microwave them for 30 seconds but Rupert insisted ten minutes was better. Did you know sausages explode? Did I make a scientific discovery? Why are you looking at me that way? Mom, please don’t make me go back to my room. Santa is watching you.”


Vinnie Tells His Dad He Doesn’t Understand Women


Vinnie’s dad pulls into ShowTown’s 40 screen theater’s parking lot. His dad glances at the digital time display on the car’s dashboard, 1:45. He winces, “I can’t do this, Vinnie. I’m going to drop you off at Saint Peter’s. Rehearsal is from 2 until 3. I’m going to do some Christmas shopping for Mom. I know exactly what she wants.”

“Dad, Dad, you promised to go to the movie with me,” pleads Vinnie.

“I didn’t promise. I said we’d go,” says Vinnie’s dad.

“That’s the same thing, Dad. I always believe everything you say. I never doubt you for a second. You’re the best dad in the whole world. I was thinking of getting you a t-shirt that says, “World’s #1 Dad. But, you’re better than that. Now, I have to think of something else,” says Vinnie.

Vinnie’s dad suppresses a chuckle, “I’ll have to find out a way to go on living without the t-shirt. Listen up, no monkey business at church. You listen to Sister Janet. Whatever role she gives you to play, you do your part. Give me your word.”

“Awe, Dad, not my word’s word,” begs Vinnie.

“Yes, give me your word’s word and while you give me your word’s word hold out your hands so I can see your fingers and toes crossed do not count if you’re wearing shoes,” says his Dad.

“Darn it, I give you my word’s word,” says Vinnie looking cross-eyed at his dad.

“That’s more like it,” says his dad fist bumping Vinnie. His dad adds, “What are you smiling about? I thought you didn’t want to go.”

“You made the right decision, Dad. Tell me you’re not going to the appliance store to buy Mom’s Christmas present, right?” says Vinnie.

Vinnie’s dad keeping one eye on the street as he drives, half twists his head to look at Vinnie, “How did you know?”

“Dad, bad move. It’s like the chocolates you bought her. She only ate three and tossed the rest away. You really don’t understand women, do you?” says Vinnie.

“And, you understand women?” laughs his dad.

“You can’t trust them, Dad. They’ll snitch on you. They’ll treat you unfairly and put you in time out for no reason. They’ll make you dress up in stupid costumes and pretend you’re an animal. Guys do not do these things to each other.”

“You have a point, Vinnie. Women have other good qualities that make up for the bad points,” says Vinnie’s dad.

“Like what, Dad?” 

“Look, there’s an inflatable Santa,” says Vinnie’s dad pointing out the front window toward Vinnie’s side of the car hoping he can distract Vinnie. 

Vinnie mind changes faster than Dexter snagging food that falls off the table. Vinnie says, “That’s cool, Dad. When do I get to talk to Santa? I don’t want to wait until the last minute. If we wait too long, Santa’s going to be tired and he probably won’t have any of the good stuff left to bring me. Can we go now? Sister Janet will understand. Huh, Dad?”

Vinnie’s dad shakes his head. He says, “You never quit, do you, son?”

“You always tell me, to never quit, never give up. Santa knows I don’t quit, right, Dad?” asks Vinnie.

“I’m sure he does. Here we are. They’re putting up the framework for the manager scene. There’s Sister Janet. Who’s the girl standing next to her?” asks his dad.

Vinnie stares out the window. He ducks down, “Take me home, Dad. I am not going. Mom didn’t tell me she’d be here.”

“Who is she, Vinnie?” asks his dad.

“It’s Sara Johnson. She hates me. She’ll probably tell Sister Janet a lot of lies about me and what happens in school. Sister Janet will believe her because they’re both girls. Then Sister Janet will probably make me a cow instead of a sheep. I didn’t thinks this day could get any worse, Dad. Now, it has. Please turn around.”

Vinnie’s Dad parks the car. He opens his door. He waves to Sister Janet, “Hi Sister. Hope we’re not late.”

Vinnie opens the door and gets out. He turns to his dad and says, “You’re going to have to do something good to make up for this one, Dad. Santa sees everything.”

“How about the three of us going to Cerelli’s for pizza tonight?” says his dad.

“Sounds good. See you at three, Dad,” says Vinnie. He turns toward Sister Janet and runs over. “Hi Sister Janet. Can I be the sheep this year?”


Vinnie Returns on Monday. Will Vinnie Behave at the Live Nativity Practice? Will Vinnie Make Sister Janet Happy She Never Had Children? Find Out Monday.