Vinnie’s Mom Takes Rupert With Her to See the Psychologist – LOL

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Vinnie’s mom sits in a comfortable, leather covered chair in Doctor Samatha Samuels office. She picks a stack of magazines off the table next to her chair. She runs through them, People, Glamour, Cosmo, Elle, Vogue, and Woman’s Day. She shows the magazines to the person sitting next to her and says, “Rupert, do you want to look at a magazine?”

Vinnie’s mom tries to speak in Vinnie’s falsetto voice for Rupert, “No thanks, Mom. I’m meditating.”

The receptionist watches the verbal interaction between Vinnie’s mom and Vinnie’s stuffed grizzly bear, Rupert. She picks up her phone, presses a button, and says, “You need to see this.”

A moment later, a short, grey haired, grandmotherly woman opens the door. Dr. Samuels steps into the reception room and follows the receptionists arm and pointed finger toward Vinnie’s mom. She sees Vinnie’s mom holding Rupert on her lap and reading Cosmo to him.

Doctor Samuel clears her throat, “Excuse me. Mrs. Ricci, may I call you by your first name?”

Vinnie’s mom looks up from Cosmo, a red flush covers her face. She stands up holding Rupert against her side with her right hand. Vinnie’s mom says, “You can call me, Marti, it’s short for Martina.”

Vinnie’s mom glances at Rupert and turns her attention back to Doctor Samuel, “This is Rupert. You asked me to bring him to our session. I don’t believe he’s real. I was only having fun pretending I was Vinnie.” Vinnie’s mom takes a quick glance at Rupert to see if Rupert approves her answer. Rupert smiles. Then again, Rupert is always smiling. 

Doctor Samuel walks over and shakes Vinnie’s mom’s hand. She glances at Rupert and says, “Rupert, I’m Doctor Samuel. It’s a pleasure to know you.” Doctor Samuel shakes Rupert’s paw.

Vinnie’s mom answers for Rupert, “Thank you. It’s a pleasure to know you. Mom is not nuts.”

A moment later, Vinnie’s mom sinks into a cushy chair and feels as if she is sitting on the floor. Doctor Samuel’s sits in an equally cushy chair facing her. 

Doctor Samuel says, “What seems to be the problem other than believing Rupert is real?”

“That’s just it Doctor Samuel, Vinnie, my son, expects me to talk to Rupert and Dexter, his beagle, as if they are real people. My husband does it too.”

“Call me Sam, please.”

“Vinnie’s teacher is emailing me every day telling me Vinnie is disruptive and she wants him to be normal like everyone else.”

“Ah,” says Doctor Samuel, “And, Vinnie is not like every one else, right?”

“No, he isn’t. He’s always questioning. He’s always pushing Al and me to the edge. It’s like we have to listen to every word or he makes his own interpretation of what we mean.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“With what?”

“With everything?”

“I’m going nuts, that’s what’s wrong, Sam.”

Doctor Samuel leans forward and closer to Vinnie’s mom, “Vinnie sounds like an intelligent, inquisitive, eight year old. If you listen to the teacher, you’ll do him a large disservice.”

“But he gets sent to the office and put in time out at least four or five times a day.”

“Ha, it’s better than six times a day, right Rupert?”

Vinnie’s Mom stares at Rupert and hears Doctor Samuel try to imitate the voice Vinnie’s mom was using, “Right, Doctor Samuel. Vinnie’s my best friend. He tells me everything.”

Vinnie’s mom starts to wonder if Doctor Samuel is nuts. Vinnie’s mom says, I’m paying for the hour, not Rupert. He’s normal for a stuffed grizzly bear.” 

Doctor Samuel turns her attention away from Rupert to Vinnie’s mom. “No, Rupert is not normal. He’s much smarter than the average stuffed grizzly bear. Believe me, I know.”

Vinnie’s mom decides not to bring Dexter, the family overweight beagle and Vinnie second best friend into the conversation.

Vinnie’s mom tries to change the conversation. She says, “You should hear the beginning of Vinnie’s fiction story. He’s doing a fiction story about running for class president of the fourth grade. It’s not fiction, he really is running for class president. He’s only making the names and places different. It’s obvious he’s using Mrs. Mavis, his teacher, in the story and it’s not complimentary. They do not get along. He calls her Mrs. Mapis.”

Doctor Samuel starts laughing, “That’s rich. I like it. I didn’t like my third grade teacher. I had this crush on Lester and I wanted to pass him notes with hearts on it. But, my third grade teacher caught me passing notes and made a production out of it.”

“Is this my session or yours?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“I have problems too and by sharing them we help each other,” says Doctor Samuel.

“I’m paying two-hundred dollars and hour for help. Can I get a refund?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“Sorry, they taught us in graduate school, never to give refunds, it sets a bad example. Now, I was saying about Lester … Marti? Marti? Where are you going? You still have twenty minutes. Please don’t take Rupert we were enjoying each other.”

Fifteen minutes later Vinnie’s mom is driving home, she speed dials Vinnie’s dad. He answers.Vinnie’s mom blurts, “You’re not going to believe this.”

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“I’ll Eat Mom, But Do I Have to Like It?” LOL

Vinnie’s dad is in to the conversation between Vinnie’s mom and Rupert. He says, “While you’re making Rupert a tofu hot dog, will you make me two of them if I promise to eat my vegetarian chili?”

Vinnie’s mom rolls her eyes, takes a deep breath, and says, “I really need to go to the spa. There is too much male energy in this house.”

“That’s good, right, Mom? Do you want me to read my paragraph before you go to the spa or when you come home? If you go to the spa can Dad and me order pizza?” asks Vinnie.

“It was only a matter of speech, Vinnie. I am not going to the spa. We are going to eat my vegetarian chili and you and Dad are going to like it. Please read your paragraph,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“I’ll eat it, Mom. But, do I have to like it?” asks Vinnie.

“Does it ever end? Does it ever end?” asks Vinnie’s mom not expecting an answer.

But, she gets one, “Apparently not, Dear.”

Vinnie’s mom and dad turn and look at him. Together they say, “Rupert read the paragraph.”

Vinnie extends his arms so that he is holding Rupert out beyond his notebook. Vinnie has the notebook open. A salt shaker holds down one side of the notebook. The pepper shaker holds down the other side of the notebook. 

Rupert begins reading. The country of Nadir is having an election for it’s first president. Before, the country was ruled by an evil queen, Mrs. Mapis, who cut of the heads of the smart kids. The smartest kid, Vinnie, this is another Vinnie, not me, drove the evil queen  into the barbecue pit and roasted her until she was burned to a crisp.

“Stop, Vincent. You promised you were not writing about Mrs. Navis,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“I’m, Mom. I’m talking about Mrs. Mapis.”

Vinnie’s mom turns to Vinnie’s dad, “Well, say something.”

“It think I can catch the final five minutes of the game.”

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“I’ll Eat It, Do I Have to Like It?” Vinnie’s at it Again – LOL

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Vinnie has his notebook lying flat on the table. He glances down at the paragraph he wrote. He looks up at his parents. He says, “Mom, I promised Rupert he could read it. He said it is the best paragraph ever written, even better than his all time favorite book, The Cat In The Hat.”

Vinnie’s mom glances over at Vinnie’s dad who seems to be someplace other than the dining room table. She says, “Dear, do you mind if Rupert reads Vinnie’s paragraph?” Vinnie’s mom puts her tongue between her teeth so she won’t laugh.

Vinnie’s dad glances up at Vinnie and says, “Will he talk in grizzly bear or English?”

Vinnie says, “Do you understand grizzly bear, Dad? Me and Dexter do. Rupert say something to Dad in grizzly bear.”

Vinnie picks Rupert up and holds him in front of his face. He turns Rupert slightly to face Vinnie’s dad. Vinnie, using his falsetto voice for Rupert, says, “Grrr. Grrr grrr grrrrrr. Grrrrr.”

“What did he say, Dad? Dexter and me know what he said,” says Vinnie.

Vinnie’s mom says, “Yes, Dear. What did Rupert say?”

Vinnie’s dad tries to come up with something that makes sense. His mind is struggling to interpret grizzly bear language. Vinnie’s dad wonders if it is anything like Italian, Spanish, or French. He can get by in all three languages. He says, “I totally agree with you, Rupert. That makes a lot of sense.”

Vinnie shakes Rupert’s head and has Rupert answer in English, “You just agreed that vegetarian chili is boring and we should go out for pizza tonight.”

Vinnie quickly turns Rupert to face his mom, “Mom, it’s four to one against you. We have to go out for pizza.”

Vinnie’s mom looks at Rupert and says, “Sorry, Rupert, we’re eating home tonight. Vinnie will love my vegetarian chili once he tries it. I know Dexter will love it too. And, because you are so brave and smart, I’m going to give you a tofu hot dog.” Vinnie’s mom makes a mental note to tell her support group she’s having conversations with a stuffed grizzly bear and a beagle. She wonders if this is normal or if she is nuts. 

Vinnie shakes Rupert and Rupert says, “Thanks, Mom. Can I share my tofu dog with Dexter?”

Vinnie’s dad is into the conversation between Vinnie’s mom and Rupert. He says, “While you’re making Rupert a tofu hot dog, will you make me two of them if I promise to eat my vegetarian chili?”

Vinnie’s mom rolls her eyes, takes a deep breath, and says, “I really need to go to the spa. There is too much male energy in this house.”

“That’s good, right, Mom? Do you want me to read my paragraph before you go to the spa or when you come home? If you go to the spa can Dad and me order pizza?” asks Vinnie.

“It was only a matter of speech, Vinnie. I am not going to the spa. We are going to eat my vegetarian chili and you and Dad are going to like it. Please read your paragraph,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“I’ll eat it, Mom. But, do I have to like it?” asks Vinnie.

“Does it ever end? Does it ever end?” asks Vinnie’s mom not expecting an answer.

But, she gets one, “Apparently not, Dear.”

Vinnie’s mom and dad turn and look at him. Together they say, “Rupert read the paragraph.”

Vinnie extends his arms so that he is holding Rupert out beyond his notebook. Vinnie has the notebook open. A salt shaker holds down one side of the notebook. The pepper shaker holds down the other side of the notebook. 

Rupert begins reading. The country of Nadir is having an election for it’s first president. Before, the country was ruled by an evil queen, Mrs. Mapis, who cut of the heads of the smart kids. The smartest kid, Vinnie, this is another Vinnie, not me, drove the evil queen  into the barbecue pit and roasted her until she was burned to a crisp.

“Stop, Vincent. You promised you were not writing about Mrs. Navis,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“I’m, Mom. I’m talking about Mrs. Mapis.”

Vinnie’s mom turns to Vinnie’s dad, “Well, say something.”

“It think I can catch the final five minutes of the game.”

Vinnie Wrote the First Paragraph. Is a Rewrite Coming? LOL

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Vinnie comes running out of his bedroom brandishing his notebook in his right hand and holding on to Rupert with his left hand. Dexter follows at a beagle gallop, which isn’t fast, after all, he’s not chasing a squirrel, and there is no smell of food. 

“Mom, Dad, Mom, Dad, Mom, Dad,” hollers Vinnie.

“What’s wrong, Vinnie? What happened?” says an alarmed Vinnie’s mom coming out of the study to meet Vinnie in the hallway.

“I wrote the first paragraph to my story, Mom. Can I read it to you and dad. I know you’re going to love it. It was like, my best writing ever. I could write the ending because I know I’ll be elected on Friday, but it’s better to wait, right, Mom?” says Vinnie coming to stop near his mom.

Vinnie’s dad gets caught up with action at the tail end. He says, “The games not over, how do you know how it will end?”

Vinnie and Vinnie’s mom look at Vinnie’s dad and simultaneously says, “Huh?”

Thirty minutes later, after the last five minutes of the basketball game, because that’s how long the last five minutes lasts in a professional basketball game, Vinnie and his parents sit at the dining room table. Rupert sits on the dining room table to Vinnie’s right, Dexter lies on the floor underneath the table at Vinnie’s feet. Dexter does not know what is going on because humans are not supposed to sit at the dining room table without food.

Dexter’s anxiety is lowered when Vinnie says, “Before I start reading, Mom, can I make a bean and cheese wrap? I’m hungry.”

Dexter perks up, he understands the word hungry because Vinnie is always asking him, “Are you hungry, Dexter?” What usually follows this question is Dexter wagging his tail, lifting his right paw to shake, and receiving a food reward.

Vinnie’s mom answers, “No, you may have an apple with peanut butter on it if you’re hungry. We’re going to eat in an hour. I’m making vegetarian chili and I don’t want you to spoil your appetite.”

“But, Mom,” protests Vinnie, “It’s not real chili, you only call it chili.”

“Dad loves it, don’t you, Dear?” says Vinnie’s mom. “Dear, please put your phone away. Did you hear me?”

Vinnie’s dad looks up from his iPhone, “Do I have to? I was checking on the baseball scores. You know baseball and basketball seasons overlap at the end of the basketball season.” 

Vinnie’s mom gives Vinnie’s dad a look. He turns his iPhone upside down on the dining room table. “Is that better?”

“Are your notifications turned off?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“Mom busted you, Dad. Good one, Mom,” says Vinnie.

Vinnie’s dad picks up his iPhone and turns off notifications. He turns it face down on the table. “Okay, Vinnie, I’m ready to hear your paragraph. Dear, what’s for dinner?”

Vinnie and Rupert watch the interplay between Vinnie’s mom and dad. Dexter is on his haunches waiting for Vinnie to get his snack. 

Vinnie’s mom points the index finger and middle finger of her right hand toward her eyes. She says to Vinnie’s dad, “Look right here, do not look anyplace else. Concentrate. We’re having vegetarian chili and you love it. It’s one of your favorite meals.”

Vinnie’s dad is having a hard time concentrating and holding his attention on Vinnie’s mom’s eyes. He knows this is important. He’s trying to come up a good way to answer her question. He thinks he has the perfect answer, “It’s the best vegetarian chili ever. I think you should make a YouTube video on how you make it. It could go viral.”

Vinnie says, “Dad, you should have stopped at ‘It’s the best vegetarian chili ever.’ Rupert can’t wait to hear me read my story again. He’s already heard my first paragraph ten times.”

Vinnie mom says, “Just tell me one thing before you begin, Vinnie. Please do not mention Mrs. Navis in your story.”

“Mom, it’s not true but it’s true, it’s all about my election. I promise I will not mention Mrs. Navis.”

“I’m satisfied. Let’s hear the first paragraph to your story.” 

Vinnie’s mom turns toward Vinnie’s dad, “You can quit staring at me. Pay attention to Vinnie.”

Vinnie Wants to Use His Dad’s Credit Card to Buy TV Time – LOL

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Joey and Larry went home. Vinnie’s remains in his room talking election strategy with Rupert and Dexter. Vinnie’s mom and Vinnie’s dad are sitting on the sofa. Vinnie’s dad is holding the remote in his left hand, the arm and hand furthest away from Vinnie’s mom. Vinnie’s mom stares blankly at at large screen TV with men in shorts running back and forth with a small ball. Sometimes they bounce it, sometimes they pass it to another man, and other times they throw the ball in the air at a piece of wire with netting hanging down from it.

Vinnie’s mom says, “When are we going to talk?”

“Huh?”

“You’re avoiding a difficult conversation,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“About what?” says Vinnie’s dad staring at the basketball game.

“Dear God, we need to talk about Vinnie. You know, he’s our son,” says Vinnie’s mom.

“Look at this play. Here’s the rerun. Watch how Davis goes to the hoop,” says Vinnie’s dad.

From the bedroom, “Hey, Dad?”

“What, Vinnie?”

“Can I use your credit card to buy TV time. Okay?” asks Vinnie.

“Un huh.”

Vinnie’s mom jumps up and grabs the remote out of Vinnie’s dad’s hand. She points it at the TV and turns the TV off. 

“What’d you do that for? Is it time to eat?” says Vinnie’s dad.

“Do you know what you allowed Vinnie to do?”

“Did he ask me if he could go to Joey’s for a half hour?” asks Vinnie’s dad.

“No, he asked you if he could use your credit card to buy TV time to run for fourth grade grade class president.”

“He wouldn’t?” asks Vinnie’s dad.

“From the bedroom, “Is it okay if I call WGBT TV and ask them to send a team to talk to me and Joey and Larry and Rupert and Dexter after school on Monday?”

“Whose phone are you using, Vinnie?”

“Your phone, Dad. Why?”

Vinnie’s mom and dad are off the sofa and racing toward Vinnie’s bedroom. Vinnie’s dad twists the door nob and pushes the door. “The door seems stuck,” says Vinnie’s dad to Vinnie’s mom.

Vinnie’s mom says, “Vincent, get away from the door or you are in the biggest trouble ever.”

“Do I have to, Mom?” asks Vinnie.

“Vincent!”

Vinnie says, “First, should I press 1 to report a crime, 2 to hear the weather, 3 to connect to the newsroom? Three’s a good choice, right, Mom?”

“Three, two,  . . .” Vinnie’s mom’s countdown to big trouble ends when Vinnie moves away from the door.

Vinnie’s dad opens the door. Vinnie’s mom and dad stare into Vinnie’s room. Sheets of paper are strewn over the bed, over the floor, and stuck to the wall with tape. Dexter has a paper wrap around his body. The wrap reads on one side, VOTE. On the other side, VINNIE.

“Vincent, where is Dad’s credit card?” asks Vinnie’s mom.

“Which one, Mom?”